I raised my glass.
"To me," I shouted, "and why not?"
"Why not?" remarked the biggest-headed one tonelessly. "It is all in the rules."
I ignored his redundancy.
"Yes, to me, to me because of my success and to you, my dear ones because you made it possible." I drank deeply and set the glass down. I looked up. A grave smile was upon their countenances.
"Ummmmmmmm," I noised. "What's up?"
The group grew mournful. Their glow increased and cast dancing shadows about the room. They elongated and became taller. I felt suddenly a chill blowing through the room.
The tiniest headed one moved forward and stopped a foot away from my outstretched feet.
"We shall do it soon," he said, working his thin jaws up and down almost comically.
"It?"
"The conquest. We shall take you. All of you."
"Oh." My heart sank. "Is there nothing that can be done about it?
"Nothing you could do about it."
I smoked my pipe silently for awhile.
"I want you to know that I have enoyed my association with you," I said, looking up and gazing at them sadly.
They all crowded closer. "So have we," they said mournfully and backed away again.
"And there is nothing that can be done about it?" I asked needlessly. I was aware of their power.
The heads swung back and forth ponderously in the negative.
"When do you plan to begin? How will you do it?"
"Within a week," said the biggest-headed one, "and it will not be pleasant."
"It will be painful?"
"It will be painful, but it will be in the rules."
I left them for a while, went upstairs and fingered my gun. Presently I put it away and shook my head. Then I returned and continued the odd merrymaking and finally went to bed and dreamed peacefully.
I had six days to work in, and in three I considered almost a thousand separate plans for circumventing theirs. All were fantastic and impossible. I was clinging to the final silly notion I conjured up, when all of a sudden a practical idea hit me and knocked me utterly sane. Of course!
I got them interested in poker. They were a funny lot as you may have guessed and, suspecting nothing, enjoyed the game. We used real money as stakes, which was somewhat silly because as soon as one of them was cleaned out (which was almost always due to my own cleverness) he would merely materialize a newly printed, freshly wrapped stack of bills and continue playing.
Simultaneously I fed them on Arthurian legend and tales of chivalry until suggestion had strengthened their already strong sense of honor.
The fifth night I began the fatal game.
The game started out very early in the evening and I lost heavily according to plan. The progress of the game left me poorer and poorer. I watched their faces carefully as it went on. Slowly they were becoming enthusiastic, acquiring the instinct of the true poker player which is to continue through dawn and beyond. Their faces became radiant, eagerly each one waited for the next hand to begin. I played them carefully, noting the rise of excitement. When I judged them ready, I reached for the cards.
The fourth goblin to my left opened. He tossed a thousand dollars into the pot. Everyone followed suit except the biggest-headed one and the smallest headed one who were playing together and dropped.
When they finished drawing I gave myself the other two kings I had carefully placed in position in the deck and settled back in my chair. The opener carefully considered his hand and bet. The other joined and I tossed the required money to the center of the table. Presently everyone dropped out of the game except the opener and myself. He bet a sum equivalent to what I had left. I let this pass and then suddenly raised.
"The earth and its people," I said.
"What's that?" They all looked at me with startled glances, noses wagging.
"I said I raise you the earth and its people. I can do this. I I think you will find it in the rules."
The goblins consulted together while I kept my hand carefully.
Finally they turned to me as one.
"We have decided that you are right. It is in the rules," said the tiniest headed one and I heaved a concealed sigh of relief because I was almost dead sure it wasn't.
"But how shall we cover this raise?" continued the other and nodded to the opened.
I raised my eye cagily.
"Twenty billions in gold will do it," I stated flatly and held on to my seat as the cellar rocked under the sudden impact of the arrival of twenty billion dollars' worth of pure gold right out of several national mints and treasuries. I pictured the mess of books lying at the bottom of the terrific weight.
"Ummmmmm," I ummmmed, considering my cards. "Will you see me?"
"I will see you," replied the opener and I laid down my cards.
"Four kings," I said grandly. The world looked good.
"I have four aces," remarked the other nonchalantly and laid his own hand down.
You know what that means.
