disposal of that young gal of mine, neglectful of me because her head is full of some body else. Sophy! Sophy! What can have become of the gal? [Looks out at window.] Ah! there she is, standing on the doorstep, bare-headed, looking up and down for that harum-scarum lover of hers. [Raps on the window.]
Enter Sophy, who makes ready to set the table.
Why is my dinner delayed! I have been waiting for two hours for my dinner. What am I to have?
Sophy. You are to have no dinner; the doctor said you must diet yourself upon tea and toast.
Mr. C. The doctor be hanged! I won't starve to please him. Bring me up that cold turkey and canvas-back duck; roast me some potatoes; make me some toast and a cup of strong coffee.
Sophy. It can't be. The doctor must be obeyed.
Mr. Crusty. Say to Doctor Hall I've changed my physician, and have called in Doctor Green. I want something to eat, and I will have it. If Allopathy won't give me food, Homeopathy will.
Sophy. You must be content for to-night with tea and toast, for I've nothing better for you.
Mr. Crusty. Nothing for me! Where's the turkey roasted yesterday! Where's that canvas-back duck the widow Simpkins sent over to me? I hate to receive her gifts, but for this time I will thank her heartily. Go! bring up my dinner. Do n't delay a moment. [putting his hand on her shoulder, and hurrying her toward the door.]
Sophy stops at the door, and, turning round, says:]
You can't have the turkey, nor the duck. You must diet for tonight, any how.
Mr. Crusty. I will have it!
Sophy. You can't have it!
Mr. Crusty. Who says 'can't' to me?
Sophy, [with a low curtsey,] I say it; and for sufficient reasons, Old Tom came in and ate up the turkey for his dinner; and I ate the canvas-back duck for mine; and there's nothing left for you but what the doctor ordered—tea and toast. [Aside.] Master's mad as a March hare!
[Exit
