But shall I, then, set my face against Heaven, or gainsay the words of the Holy One? Nay, rather will I say: The Lord has given me health and strength, &c.; the Lord has taken them away. As has pleased the Lord, so is it done: blessed be the name of the Lord. So I say, O Lord, and so I feel. Thou art just, O Lord, and thy judgment is right; and assuredly I had deserved even worse. Were I compelled to be the judge of my own deserts, I could take away none of the pain which I suffer.
Therefore I acknowledge the hand of a Father who chastises in mercy, not the right hand of a Judge who punishes in wrath. But this one thing I beg of thee, most merciful Father, to remember what thy frail and feeble creature can bear without fainting: nothing indeed of itself, but all things by thee, if strengthened by thy grace.
Give me therefore strength, that I may suffer and endure: for I desire patience, of which I stand in the utmost need. Give me, then, O Lord, patience; and behold, my heart is ready, O God, my heart is ready, to receive whatsoever is laid upon me; so that it is even a consolation to me, that, in afflicting me with pain, thou dost not spare. Grant, O Lord, that in my patience I may possess my soul; [1] and to this end I will often look upon the face of Christ thy Son, that, as he has suffered in the flesh things so great and terrible, I too may endeavour to be armed with the same thought. He became obedient unto death, even the death of the Cross. I have not yet resisted unto blood, — yet I feel the force of my suffering, when the pangs of disease and the sorrows of death rush in upon me.
Therefore will I keep my strength to thee: for thou art my Strength and my Refuge; thou art the Protector of my life. Prove me, O Lord, and try me; burn my reins and my heart; that I may be found in some measure worthy of thee, like gold that has been proved in the furnace. I know, indeed, that the sufferings of this time are not worthy to be compared with the glory to come, that shall be revealed in us: but I know, too, that as Christ was to suffer, and so to enter into his glory, so also shall the Christian that does not conform himself to his Head, and pass through fire and water, not be brought out into refreshment. Behold, now, O Lord, I am in the fire: for how long, is at thy disposal. Meantime, keep me, thou who keptest unharmed the three
- ↑ Luke xxi. 10.
