awe with which he was seized whenever he approached her took from him the power of speaking. And he was afraid to mention it to her brother first, lest she should be offended, and think he was mean enough to expect a compliance from them both on account of the obligations they owed him.
Sometimes his imagination would indulge him with the thoughts of the happiness he should enjoy if he could be beloved by and lead his life with Camilla. He was sure she had every good quality human nature is capable of possessing. He ran over every virtue in his own mind, and gave her them all, without any exception. Then he reflected on every vice, and exulted in the thought that she was quite free from them. Sometimes he was in despair of ever engaging her to return his love, and then in a moment succeeded hopes and raptures; and all this without any intervening action of hers to give him the least reason to believe either one way or the other.
In short, both David and Valentine were afraid of explaining themselves too far, lest they should disoblige Camilla and Cynthia; and they, on the other hand, had no fear but that their lovers meant no more than they expressed. Miss Johnson's behaviour, in spite of himself, would often force itself on David's memory; for that is one of the curses which attend the having ever been disappointed in our opinion of a person we have esteemed: it is an alloy to all our future pleasures; we cannot help remembering, while we are indulging ourselves in any new engagement, that once thought as well of another who with the same seeming indifference deceived us, and we dread the same thing may happen over again. But these thoughts only took place in Camilla's absence; the moment she appeared, all disagreeable ideas
