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Epicrates. (Book ii. § 54, p. 98.)
A. I pray, you, Sir, (for I perceive you learn'd
In these grave matters,) let my ignorance suck
Some profit from your courtesy, and tell me
What are your wise philosophers engaged in,
Your Plato, Menedemus and Speusippus?
What mighty mysteries have they in projection?
What new discoveries may the world expect
From their profound researches? I conjure you,
By Earth, our common mother, to impart them!
B. Sir, you shall know at our great festival
I was myself their hearer, and so much
As I there heard will presently disclose,
So you will give it ears, for I must speak
Of things perchance surpassing your belief,
So strange they will appear; but so it happen'd,
That these most sage Academicians sate
In solemn consultation—on a cabbage.
A. A cabbage! what did they discover there?
B. Oh, Sir, your cabbage hath its sex and gender,
Its provinces, prerogatives and ranks,
And, nicely handled, breeds as many questions
As it does maggots. All the younger fry
Stood dumb with expectation and respect,
Wond'ring what this same cabbage should bring forth:
The Lecturer eyed them round, whereat a youth
Took heart, and breaking first the awful silence,
Humbly craved leave to think—that it was round:
The cause was now at issue, and a second
Opined it was an herb.—A third conceived
With due submission it might be a plant.
The difference methought was such, that each
Might keep his own opinion and be right;
But soon a bolder voice broke up the council,
And, stepping forward, a Sicilian quack
Told them their question was abuse of time,—
It was a cabbage, neither more nor less,
And they were fools to prate so much about it.
Insolent wretch! amazement seized the troop,
Clamour and wrath and tumult raged amain,
