I got the place, and the bargain was struck at twenty shillings per annum. For many days and weeks an uncommon impression about the power of God lay fresh on my mind."
Half starved, his utmost wish had thus been to get a place, and so fare better, but now, no longer troubled on that account, he did as young rustics mostly do—fell in love. The affection was mutual, and so intense on his part that in after life, referring to it, he says, "She shot me through the heart, and killed me to all but herself; and I believe I could have served as many years for Susan Fever as Jacob did for Rachel."
Under the influence of this attachment he determined to learn a trade, and so apprenticed himself to his brother-in-law, who was a gun-maker; but the man drank so hard that he ruined himself and his business, and his apprentice had to try his fortune elsewhere.
Out of employ and getting ragged, his sweetheart's parents began to look coldly upon him, and were anxious to break off the match. In the sequel the lovers fell into the sin so frequent among their class; probably they hoped that when the result became known it would lead to marriage. However, neither the father nor the parish authorities would consent, so the young man was summoned before the magistrates, and ordered to pay a regular sum for the maintenance of the child.
In order to drown the trouble he was in, he now gave himself up to dissipation, and amongst other things learned to dance. Falling, however, dangerously ill, he thought he was about to die, and that if he did, he would certainly be lost. When he recovered he vowed that he would never dance again, but for some time conscience gave him no peace, hardly allowing him to sleep at nights. At last he determined to leave Cranbrook, as the weight about his neck prevented him making any way.
From this time for years his life was one continued scene of change and trouble, sometimes one occupation, sometimes another; driving a hearse at Tunbridge Wells, then working at Arundel and at Chichester; then at Epsom, at Riverhead, at Low Leyton. His life, in fact, was that of the ordinary field labourer on tramp, sometimes sleeping in the open air, and on one occasion going without food for three days and three nights together.
