Page:The Galaxy, Volume 6.djvu/351

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1868.]
FACETIÆ OF THE WAR.
323

paign, there was one which had obtained so many recruits that they quite equalled the number of old soldiers; but they all belonged to the same organization, and each man carried the word "Veteran" painted conspicuously on his knapsack. The extreme suffering which Banks's army endured on this ill-starred expedition taxed the strength and endurance of these new soldiers distressfully. Overpowered by heat, footsore, and thirsty, they dropped out of the column by dozens, and were passed by the following regiments sitting disconsolately by the dusty road, living statues of despair. But they were regarded as legitimate objects of sarcasm by those who were somewhat jealous of their assumption of a name which it was thought they were not entitled to; and a merciless tire of jokes assailed them in their woebegone condition.

"Come, veteran, get up and travel."

"Ain't you the man that got three hundred dollars and a caow for enlisting?"

"Like to go home, my boy—hey? How do you like the veteran business?"

But the "unkindest cut of all" was given by an old joker of my regiment, when one of these "veterans" trudged dolefully by the halted column, distress looking out from every dusty wrinkle of his forlorn face, with a spade over his shoulder. He had probably been detailed to assist in digging some mud-bound wagon out of its trammels; but his appearance was instantly made the subject of an unmerciful jest.

"Halloo, veteran—where ye bound? What ye doing with that spade? Don't you know you don't have to dig your own grave down here? There's lots of fellows will do that for you, any time."

One of the stupid class of soldiers, a fellow of infinite dullness, whose head seemed utterly barren of ideas, perpetrated a blunder on his guard post which made him the butt of the company until a better one was obtained. This man had been carefully instructed, with the others, that when he received the reply "Friend," in answer to his challenge at night, he must say, "Advance and be recognized." One night the colonel approached the post where this man was on duty, and the following colloquy occurred."

Guard. Halt: who comes there?

Colonel. Friend. (A long pause now intervened, the sentinel apparently being at a loss to know how to continue the interview.)

Colonel. Well, sir, what next ? I don't mean to stay here all night.

Guard. (slowly and with hesitation). Advance and be—— and be——

Colonel (impatiently). Be what?

Guard (desperately). Advance and be organized.

Poor fellow! He learned to be a good soldier afterward, and bears now the scars of hard service.

One of the well-known characters connected with our regiment was Jonah, the negro servant of one of the officers. He was a most ungainly specimen of his race, with all its peculiarities of form and feature greatly exaggerated; but he had a large stock of droll sayings, which were sure to create mirth among the men. His description of a bomb was very unique. At the time of our first battle in Louisiana, many of the negroes had but very lately come to the army, and not a few were fearful of being returned to their masters. While this fight was in progress, Jonah was safely stowed away out of danger, well to the rear; but a vagrant shell came swooping over him with that peculiar screech which has often shaken stouter nerves than those of this poor African. Him it fright-