treatment could wean me from my dismal gloom. I was completely humiliated in my own eyes, and felt that every one ought to shun me.
But I was not reconciled to Lieutenant Davis, and I felt that until I had received his pardon for my many contempts, I could never again hold up my head as a man and a good soldier. And yet I had not the courage to go tell him I had been a sorry member of the company, but that 1 would try to mend; though I knew he would receive me frankly and with good will.
And so matters went on for many weary months, during which I longed with an eagerness I cannot describe for reconciliation to Lieutenant Davis and my own good opinion. We had been ordered to join the Army of the Potomac on the Peninsula, and I hoped that more active duties would bring about a release from my hypochondria. But neither heavy work on entrenchments nor the sleepless nights of picket duty induced the desired change.
But at last came the terrible battle of Fair Oaks. No sooner did the booming of artillery and the rattle of small arms in our front tell us that a general engagement was imminent, than I felt the shackles of dejection fall from my heart, "as it had been scales." My chance had come. I would show my captain (for such Lieutenant Davis had now become) that which I could not speak. For the first time in months I felt happy again, elate at my prospect of recovering my lost honor.
And as I hoped it happened. I need not tell of the awful shudder with which I began to see my companions fall about me; of my dread wearing off in the excitement of a first exposure to a scathing fire of musketry; of all my energies roused, and my senses cheered into enthusiasm in the glorious danger of a charge; suffice it to say that on the eve of that memorable day—when we had driven our at first successful foe, baffled and decimated, back to his fortifications, at roll-call, when only forty-three out of over ninety-seven answered to their names—Captain Davis, after congratulating the company upon its bravery and endurance, said, and I could see a real satisfaction lighting up his eye,
"Men, there is one of your number upon whom I wish to bestow especial commendation. Private Ogden, you have done yourself honor, and I feel that in the future I can rely upon you as one of the best men of Company G."
My heart was almost too full for words; but I stepped to the front, and touching my cap, asked permission to speak. Captain Davis nodded assent, and, choking down my rising emotion, I acknowledged that I had been the worst man in the company, that I was sincerely contrite, and only asked Captain Davis to forget the past and judge me by the future.
My story is ended. But I am proud to say that when I was discharged as orderly sergeant for wounds received at Gettysburg a year and over later. Captain Davis, then newly promoted major of the regiment, endorsed on my discharge-paper, under the head of "character:"
"Excellent in every particular. The best man I ever had in my company."
And there it hangs upon the wall, in a rich gilt frame, where all who wish may see it, a constant reminder to me of the man than whom I love and honor none more highly in the world.
