The Dawn of Speech
THE archaeologist of the remote future was lecturing upon the written language of the early Americans, those who had lived in the primitive civilization of the twentieth century.
"These people," the professor continued, "were a race of dawning intelligence and possessed of a very limited vocabulary . Apparently, they spoke in monosyllables, with distinctive words for pain, surprise and the elementary emotions. This remnant of what the ancients called paper, fortunately preserved to us through some kindly chance in nature's chemistry and recently brought to light in the ruins of well-nigh prehistoric New York, sheds much light upon their language. Sentences, it appears, they never used. They were, we must remember, but one higher than animals in the long ladder of evolution.
"This precious relic, combining as it does crude pictures with cruder text, enables us to state with some certainty the relationship of word to action. For example, we quickly discover that the word 'oof' was spoken when one of these primitive people was the recipient of a violent body blow, a frequent occurrence. 'Oof' was apparently the passive voice, the active form, used by the aggressor, being 'pam' or 'pow.' Othermonosyllables were less pugnacious. For instance, there is 'awk' which seems to have been synonymous with sudden surprise of an unpleasant character, but was rarely if ever employed in physical combat. 'Glub,' a most singular word, appears to have been spoken solely by persons under water. . . ."
Science, after a lapse of several thousand years, was reading the comic supplement.—A. H. F.
Jottings About Town
By Busybody
Here it will be summer again in another three months, although it hardly seems like any time since we had it last.
Winter greens are now being used by many of our golf clubs. And at the nineteenth hole so are peppermints.
The quaint dialect of the modern newsboy is a source of constant amusement. One urchin at Wall Street and Broadway calls "Telegram! World! Journal!" Inquiry disclosed that he was vending the Telgram, Woild and Joinal.
Dopoulos P. Dopoulos is showing an advance spring line of goobers at his peanut stand at 161st Street and Gimph Avenue.
——— ——— is nursing a cold, same being her husband's, as usual.
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Mail Orders Given Careful Attention
WRITE FOR CATALOGUE—Dept. 26
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