experiencing. And I know something of that feeling communicated itself to Mr. Harding, if indeed he had not already experienced it with me from the beginning of our visit.
"Nan," Mr. Harding took my hand, "our matter worries me more than the combined worries of the whole administration. It is on my mind continually. Why, dearie," he continued with something akin to shame, "sometimes in the night I think I shall lose my mind worrying over it." Strange as it may seem, I could not then see why it should worry him so much. Had we not passed through the most critical stages of possible exposure? And had I not engineered the thing to the point of safety thus far? I asked him, with rather a spirit of resentment. I worried, too, I told him, but it was not from fear of exposure, but from the daily ghostly fear of living the rest of my life in such unhappiness as that adoption had brought to me. It harassed me almost to the point of insanity. I wanted my baby, I told him, bursting into tears.
Seeing me so distressed, Mr. Harding again tried to get hold of himself.
"Why, listen, darling, you are foolish to worry on that score. I have told you that after I am out of office I myself will take her—you'd give her to me, wouldn't you, sweetheart?" His attempt at a smile was pathetic. I crept over closer to him, heedless of the stalking guard outside the window.
"Oh, if you only could!" I breathed. But, I hastened to remind him, how could he when Mrs. Harding . . .
"You must remember, dearie, that Mrs. Harding is older than I, and very probably will pass on before I go, and if she goes first, remember, I myself will adopt Elizabeth Ann and make her a real Harding!" But, I argued, Elizabeth and Scott had already adopted her. Would they? . . . could he? . . . I was anxious to have him banish all my doubts.
"You leave that to me, Nan! I'll manage all that when the time comes. And in the meantime, you are to have ample funds, for them and for yourself. I expect to provide amply, in any event, for you and our little girl as long as you both live."
