Page:The Relentless City.djvu/30

From Wikisource
Jump to navigation Jump to search
This page has been validated.
20
THE RELENTLESS CITY

him, to talk to him. He got more and more emaciated and awful to look at. One night I did not kiss him as usual. He asked me to, and I refused; I could not—simply I could not. I loathed the thought of the days that were coming; I longed for the end, and when the end came I was glad. I tried to persuade myself that I was glad his sufferings were over. It was not so; I was glad that mine were over. So I think I never loved him, though I liked him very much. Then he got ill and awful, and I was very sorry for him. But that was all. Ah——— '

She got up, and walked up and down the room once or twice, as if to waken herself from the clutch of some horrid dream. Then she stopped behind Judy's chair, and leaned over her sister, stroking her hair.

' Yes, that was the horror, Judy,' she said; ' and I am that horror. Now, to-night again Charlie would have asked me to marry him, if I had not “ smiling put the question by.” I like him very much; I think I should like to have him always in the house. I like everything about him.'

' Don't marry him,' said Judy quickly.

' Judy, when you speak like that, you are saying to yourself, “ If only she was different.” Well, I am not; I am as I am. I couldn't make my eyes blue by wanting, or make myself an inch taller. Well, it must surely be far more difficult to change one's nature in so radical a way.'

' I think you did not run very fast when Apollo——— ' began Judy.

' That does not suit you, either, dear,' remarked Sybil. ' Well, then, I am not to marry Charlie. Am I to marry anybody? That is the point. Or am I to consider that marriage is not for me?'

' How can I tell you, Sybil?' asked Judy, rather perplexed. ' I dare say there are men who regard marriage like you. You can calmly contemplate marrying a man