humiliating enough to have these humans staring at and commenting on the details of our private life, without admitting them into one's family concerns. So that whether "born in the menagerie," "presented," or merely sordidly "purchased," we can keep the matter to ourselves; all but the unfortunate pig-faced baboon, who is chained near his label, and serve him right. I owe him one.
I have already alluded to the fact of our set patronising amusements of a refined character. There are, of course, others besides that mentioned. The Malbrouck, for instance, affects the sportsman, and carries a straw or a twig of some sort in his mouth. This gratifies him, and is not offensive to us. Scientific amusements are also much indulged in. We are all most enthusiastic, persevering, and painstaking entomologists, and our researches are often the subject of admiring comment. But the serious business of life largely occupies our attention.
I allude, of course, to the collection of bric-à-brac and other portable property. Of course, the chief difficulty is with the wires. Something really ought to be done about these wires; they are a most serious obstruction to business. Personally I don't see what we want with wires at all; they keep us select, and prevent some of the more low-minded from mixing with the humans—but, then, one's proper self-respect ought to do that. But, even admitting the desirableness of wires at all, the small-mesh wire now in use obviously must be abolished at once; it positively prevents some classes of business altogether. Where it is a matter of difficulty and dexterity to get a fairly large pair of blue spectacles through, the acquisition of a bonnet or an old lady's wig becomes almost an impossibility until the articles have been torn in small pieces. Of course, it may be argued that is what would be done with them in any case, but the necessity of conducting the operation on the outer side of the wires often results in total loss.
"A misfit."
Proper circumspection is absolutely necessary, and any appearance of too great eagerness to do business is fatal. Much depends on the class of goods dealt in. A pipe sticking out of a breast pocket is a fairly easy transaction to begin with, although some recommend a single eye-glass with a cord. This latter certainly has the advantage that it effectually blinds the eye in which it is used, so that successful approach on that side is tolerably certain; the cord, also, is very convenient to snatch. But a pipe sticking from a pocket is more likely to be forgotten by its owner; and beside, the possibility of the bowl being very hot teaches quickness of action. It is advisable to assume an appearance of innocence and pre-occupation; if possible, of melancholy. The back should be turned to the human who is to be experimented upon, and the object, pipe or what not, viewed from the corner of the eye. It should always be remembered that the wires are irregular in mesh, and the widest available hole should be selected. These preliminaries having been carefully attended to, a sudden grab will successfully complete the business.
Pocket handkerchiefs it is usually best to take direct from the pocket, although an expert practitioner will now and again achieve a fancy stroke by snatching one from the hand. In the matter of gloves it is safest to keep to those from the female creature; they are thinner and (sometimes) smaller, and so easier to bring through the
