True, that in my father's house there had been, of late years, want of money, confusion, and distress; but still there were the large handsome rooms, there were the servants; and if our guests were few, they had the same speech, dress, and feelings as ourselves. Now I found myself in another world, with which I could not have a word, a hope, an idea, in common.
"Still, I should deceive you, if I told you that after the first week I was miserable. No, my time was fully occupied; I took an intense delight in my pursuits—I was encouraged by small successes—I felt the future was before me: and believe me when I say, that, hopeless, ruined as I am, it is neither the past nor the present which I regret, but the future —that glorious future, to which I once devoted myself—that noblest sacrifice of our nature. I have flung away the immortality of my mind. But remorse is of all feelings the one on which 'vanity of vanities' is written.
"Well, I pursued this course of life for nearly two years; my works had begun to attract some attention; and my relatives, finding I wanted nothing from them, and that I was rather a distinction to them, began to seek me out.
"Going into company purely as a relaxation, I enjoyed it,—to enjoy yourself is the easy method to give enjoyment to others; hence I became popular. My imagination, always on the alert to seek in real life materials for its solitude, flung its interest over
