But I always began to talk of other things, and waited first to see if he would introduce the subject. If he did not, I would casually ask' "Have you heard from your sister lately?" If he said, "No," the matter was dropped: if he said "Yes," I would venture to enquire, "How is she?" but never "How is her husband?" though I might be burning to know; because, I had not the hypocrisy to profess any anxiety for his recovery, and I had not the face to express any desire for a contrary result. Had I any such desire?—I fear I must plead guilty: but since you have heard my confession, you must hear my justification as well—a few of the excuses, at least, wherewith I sought to pacify my own accusing conscience:—
In the first place, you see, his life did harm to others, and evidently no good to himself; and though I wished it to terminate, I would not have hastened its close if, by the lifting of a finger, I could have done so, or if a spirit had whispered in my ear that a single effort of the
