other that heard him, "And I were as you, I would never como at sea." "Why," saith he, "where did your great-grandfather, and grandfather, and father die?" He answered; "Where but in their beds?" Saith the other, "And I were as you, I would never come in bed."
86. Aristippus was earnest suitor to Dionysius for somewhat, who would give no ear to his suit. Aristippus fell at his feet, and then Dionysius granted it. One that stood by said afterwards to Aristippus, "You a philosopher, and to be so base as to throw yourself at the tyrant's feet to get a suit." Aristippus answered, "The fault is not mine, but the fault is in Dionysius, that carries his ears in his feet."
87. There was a young man in Rome, that was very like Augustus Cæsar; Augustus took knowledge of it, and sent for the man, and asked him, "Was your mother never at Rome?" He answered, "No, sir, but my father was."
88. A physician advised his patient that had sore eyes, that he should abstain from wine; but the patient said, "I think, rather, sir, from wine and water; for I have often marked it in blear eyes, and I have seen water come forth, but never wine."
89. When Sir Thomas More was lord chancellor, he did use, at mass, to sit in the chancel: and his lady in a pew. And because the pew stood out of sight, his gentleman-usher ever after service, came to the lady's pew, and said, "Madam, my lord is gone." So when the chancellor's place was taken from him, the next time they went to church, Sir Thomas himself came to his lady's pew, and said; "Madam, my lord is gone."
90. At an act of the commencement, the answerer gave for his question, that an aristocracy was better than a monarchy. The replier, who was a dissolute fellow, did tax him, that being a private bred man, he would give a question of state. The answerer said, that the replier did much wrong the privilege of scholars, who would be much straitened if they should give questions of nothing but such things wherein they are practised: and added, "We have heard yourself dispute of virtue, which no man will say you put much in practice."
91. There was a dispute, whether great heads or little heads had the better wit. And one said, "It must needs be the little; for that it is a maxim, Omne majus continet in se minus."
92. Solon when he wept for his son's death, and one said to him, "Weeping will not help;" answered, "Alas, therefore I weep, because weeping will not help."
93. Solon being asked, whether he had given the Athenians the best laws, answered, "Yes, the best of those that they would have received."
94. One said to Aristippus, "It is a strange thing why men should rather give unto the poor, than to philosophers." He answered, "Because they think themselves may sooner come to be poor, than to be philosophers."
95. Alexander used to say of his two friends, Craterus and Hephæstion; that Hephæstion loved Alexander, and Craterus loved the king.
96.It fell out so, that as Livia went abroad in Rome, there met her naked young men that were sporting in the streets, which Augustus was about severely to punish in them; but Livia spake for them, and said, "It was no more to chaste women than so many statues."
97. Alonso of Arragon was wont to say in commendation of age, "That age appeared to be best in four things: old wood best to burn; old wine to drink; old friends to trust; and old authors to read."
98. It was said of Augustus, and afterward the like was said of Septimius Severus, both which did infinite mischief in their beginnings, and infinite good toward their ends, "that they should either have never been born or never died."
99. Queen Isabella of Spain used to say "Whosoever hath a good presence, and a good fashion, carries letters of recommendation."
100. Trajan would say of the vain jealousy of princes, that seek to make away those that aspire to their succession; "That there was never King that did put to death his successor."
101. When it was represented to Alexander, to the advantage of Antipater, who was a stern and imperious man, that he only of all his lieutenants wore no purple, but kept the Macedonian habit of black; Alexander said, "Yea, but Antipater is all purple within."
102. Constantine the Great, in a kind of envy, himself being a great builder, as Trajan likewise was, would call Trajan "Parietaria:" wall-flower; because his name was upon so many walls.
103. Philip of Macedon was wished to banish one for speaking ill of him. But Philip answered; "Better he speak where we are both known, than where we are both unknown."
104. A Grecian captain advising the confederates that were united against the Lacedæmonians, touching their enterprise, gave opinion, that they should go directly upon Sparta, saying; "That the state of Sparta was like rivers; strong when they had run a great way, and weak towards their head."
105. Alonso of Arragon was wont to say of himself, "That he was a great necromancer, for that he used to ask counsel of the dead:" meaning books.
106. Lucullus entertained Pompey in one of his magnificent houses: Pompey said, "This is a marvellous fair and stately house for the summer: but methinks it should be very cold for winter." Lucullus answered, "Do you not think me as wise as divers fowls are, to change my habitation in the winter season?"
