2H FAMILIAR COLLOQUIES. Mis. I had a good fortune, I spent lavishly, and when I began to be in want nobody knew Apitius. I ran away for shame, and betook myself to your college ; I liked that better than digging. Ir. Very -wisely done ; but how conies your body to be in so good case of late ? for as to your change of clothes, I don't so much wonder at that. Mis. Why so 1 Ir. Because the goddess Laverna makes m.any i-ich on a sudden. Mis. What ! do you think I got an estate by thieving, then ? Jr. Nay, perhaps more idly, by rapine. Mis. No, I swear by your goddess Penia, neither by thieving nor by rapine. But first I will satisfy you as to the state of my body, which seems to you to be the most admirable. Ir. For when you were with us, you were all over full of sores. Mis. But I have since made use of a very friendly physician. Ir. Who? Mis. No other person but myself, unless you think anybody is more friendly to me than I am to myself. Ir. But I never knew you understood physic before. Mis. Why, all that dress was nothing but a cheat I had daubed on with paints, frankincense, brimstone, rosin, bird-lime, and clouts dipped in blood ; and what I put on, when I pleased I took off again. Ir. impostor! nothing appeared more miserable than you were. You might have acted the part of Job in a tragedy. Mis. My neces- sity made me do it, though fortune sometimes is apt to change the skin too. Ir. Well, then, tell me of your fortune. Have you found a treasure ? Mis. No ; but I have found out a way of getting money that is a little better than yours. Ir. What could you get money out of that had no stock? Mis. An artist will live anywhere. Ir. I understand you now, you mean the art of picking pockets. Mis. Not so hard upon me, I pray ; I mean the art of chemistry. Ir. Why, it is scarce above a fortnight since you went away from us, and have you in that time learned an art that others can hardly learn in many years 1 Mis. But I have got a shorter way. Ir. Prithee, what way ? Mis. When I had gotten almost four guineas by your art, I hap- pened, as good luck would have it, to fall into the company of an old companion of mine, who had managed his matters in the world no better than I had done. We went to drink together ; he began, as the common custom is, to tell of his adventures. I made a bargain with him to pay his reckoning upon condition that he should faithfully teach me his art. He taught it me very honestly, and now it is my liveli- hood. Ir. May not a person learn it ? Mis. I will teach it you for nothing for old acquaintance sake. You know that there are every- where a great many that are very fond of this art. Ir. I have heard so, and I believe it is true. Mis. I take all opportunities of insinuat- ing myself into their acquaintance, and talk big of my art, and wherever I find an hungry sea-cob I throw him out a bait. Ir. How do you do that ? Mis. I caution him by all means not rashly to trust men of that profession, for that they are most of them cheats, that by their hocus-pocus tricks pick the pockets of those that are not cautious. Ir. That prologue is not fit for your business. Mis. Nay, I add this further, that I would not have them believe me myself, unless they saw the matter plainly with their own eyes, and felt it with their hands. Ir. You speak of a wonderful confidence you have in your art. Mis. I bid them be present all the while the metamorphosis is under the operation, and to look on very attentively,
