Mar. Well, now certainly a calm follow’d this storm, did there not?
Ph. So far from it, that this Storm was no sooner laid, than a worse followed.
Mar. Upon what ground pray?
Ph. I’ll tell you. There were four Orders of Begging-Fryars in the House already; and now, in comes a fifth of Cross-Bearers, against which all the other four Orders rise up in a Tumult, as illegitimate and spurious, saying, Where did you ever see a Waggon with five Wheels? or with what Face would they reckon more Orders of Mendicants, than there were Evangelists? At this Rate ye may even as well call in all the Beggars to ye, from the Bridges and Cross-Ways.
Mar. What Reply made the Cross-Bearers to this?
Ph. They asked them how the Waggon of the Church went before there were any Mendicants at all. And so after that, when there was but one Order, and then again when there were three? As for the Number of the Evangelists, say they, it has no more Affinity with our Orders than with the Dye, for having on every Side four Angles. Pray, who brought the Augustines or Carmelites into the Order? When did Austin or Elias go a begging? For they make them to be Principals of their Order. These and a great Deal more they thundred out violently; but being overpower’d with Numbers of the four Orders, they could not stand the Charge, but were forced to quit the Ground, but threatning them with dreadful Things.
Mar. Well, but I hope all was quiet now.
Ph. Nay, not so, for this Confederacy against the fifth Order, was come almost to Daggers drawing; the Franciscan and Dominican would not allow the Augustines and Carmelites to be true Mendicants, but Bastards and Supposititious. This Contention rose to that Height, that I was afraid it would have come to Blows.
Mar. And could the sick Man endure all this?
Ph. They were not in his Bed-Chamber now, but in a Court that joined to it, but so that he could hear every Word they said; for there was no whispering, believe me, but they very fairly exercised their Lungs. Besides, Men, as you know, are quicker of hearing than ordinary, in Sickness.
Mar. But what was the End of this Dispute?
Ph. Why, the sick Man sent them Word by his Wife, that if they would but hold their Tongues a little, he would set all to Rights; and therefore desired that the Augustines and Carmelites should go away for the present, and that they should be no Losers by it, for they should have the same Portion of Meat sent them Home, that those had that staid there. He gave Direction, that all the five Orders should assist at his Funeral, and that every one of them should have an equal Share of Money; but that they should not all be set (down) at the common Table, lest they should fall together by the Ears.
Mar. The Man understood Oeconomy, I perceive, that had the Skill to compose so many Differences, even upon his Death-Bed.
Ph. Phoo; he had been an Officer in the Army for many Years, where such Sort of Mutinies are common among the Soldiers.
Mar. Had he a great Estate?
Ph. A very great one.
Mar. But ill-gotten perhaps, as is common, by Rapine, Sacrilege, and Extortion.
Ph. Indeed Officers commonly do so, and I will not swear for him that he was a Jot better than his Neighbours: But if I don’t mistake the Man, he made his Fortune by his Wit, rather than by down-right Violence.
Mar. After what Manner?
Ph. He understood Arithmetic very well.
Mar. And what of that?
Ph. What of that? why, he would reckon 30,000 soldiers, when there
