306 FAMILIAR COLLOQUIES.
of a feast ought to act a movable part in the play. But then, again, there is nothing more uncivil than to he continually talking of the sorts of provision, the manner of dressing it, and what it cost you. It is the same thing as to the wine. But you should rather modestly under- value the provision ; for if yo,u undervalue it too much, it will be much the same as if you were ostentatious concerning it. It is sufficient to say twice, or at the most three times, Much good may it do you ; and though my entertainment is but homely, your welcome is hearty. Sometimes you may break a jest, but such a one that has no teeth. It will also be proper to bespeak every one, now and then, in his own tongue, but in few words. But it now comes into my mind to speak what I should have said at the beginning. Sp. What is it 1 Ap. If you have not a mind to place the guests by lot, take care to choose three out of the company thab are of a diverting humour and apt to talk, place one at the upper end of the table, another at the lower end, and a third in the middle, that they may keep the rest from being either silent or melancholy. And if you perceive the company grow either mute or noisy and inclinable to fall out Sp. This is very common with our countrymen; but what must be done then? Ap. Then take the course that I have frequently experienced to succeed. Sp. I want to hear it. Ap. Bring in a couple of buffoons or jesters, who by their gestures may express some argument without speaking a word. Sp. But why without speaking? Ap. That the guests may be all equally diverted, or, if they do speak, let them speak in a language that none of them understands. By speaking by gestures they will all understand alike. Sp. I cannot very well tell what you mean by an argument. Ap. There are a thousand as suppose a wife fighting with the husband for the breeches, or any other such comical transaction in low life. And as to dancing, the more ridiculous it is the more diverting it will be. These ought not to be above half-fools ; for, if they be downright idiots, they will, before they are aware, foolishly blab out what may give offence. Sp. As you have given me good advice, so I wish that the deity Com us may always befriend ye. Ap. I will conclude with this, or rather repeat what I said at first : Don't be too thoughtful to please everybody, not only in this affair, but in any other circumstance of life, and that will be the way to please them the sooner ; for it is a good maxim in life, " Too much of one thing is good for nothing."
THINGS AND WORDS.
Beatus and Boniface.
Be. God bless you, Boniface. Bo. And God bless you heartily, Beatus. But I wish we were both of us answerable to our names you rich and I handsoma Be. Why, then, do you account it so small a matter to have a great name 1 ? Bo. Indeed I make very small account of the name unless there be the thing too. Be. But most men are of another mind. Bo. Perhaps they may be mortals, but I don't take them to be men. Be. Nay, good man, they are men, unless you think there are now-a-days camels and asses in the shape of men. Bo. I should sooner be of that mind, than believe that they can be men who had rather have
