WONDERFUL ADVANTAGES
OF
DRUNKENNESS,
STATED IN MAXIMS WORTH REMEMBERING.
IF you wish to be always thirsty, be a Drunkard; for the oftener and more you drink, the oftener and more thirsty you will be.
If you seek to prevent your friends raising you in the world be a Drunkard; for that will defeat all their efforts.
If you would effectually counteract your own attempt to do well, be a Drunkard; and you will not be disappointed.
If you wish to repel the endeavours of the whole human race to raise you to character, credit, and prosperity, be a Drunkard and you will most assuredly triumph.
If you are determined to be poor, be a Drunkard: and you will soon be ragged and pennyless.
If you would wish to starve your family, be a Drunkard for that will consume the means of their support.
If you would be imposed on by-knaves, be a Drunkard for that will make their task easy.
If you would wish to be robbed, be a Drunkard; which will enable the thief to do it with more safety.
If you would wish to blunt your senses be a Drunkard: and you will soon be more stupid than an ass.
If you would become a fool, be a Drunkard ; and you will soon lose your understanding.
If you wish to unfit yourself for rational intercourse, be a Drunkard, for that will render you quite unfit for it.
If you are resolved to kill yourself, be a Drunkard; that being a sure mode of destruction.
