Poems (Merrill)/Uncle Joe's Soliloquy

by Clara A. Merrill

UNCLE JOE'S SOLILOQUY

——

Talk about your new inventions  And the wonders of the age; I think the pesky foolishness  Has reached the topmost stage! The news that this here world is round  Comes from some great man's mouth—And that 'tis hung onto a pole  That goes from North to South.

And I suppose that this here way  Is the way to solve the riddle—Just take an apple up, and thrust  A needle through the middle. And what is it they won't do next?  For now, Why, 'pon my soul They say that larn'ed folks have tried  To find the great North Pole!

I'd rather stay upon the land  Than sail upon the sea; Why can't them folks just stay at home  And let the North Pole be? Now I am kind of worried like  For fear some of those men That 's sailing round and round the airth  Will find the pole and then

Some of them chaps who thoughtlessly  At common sense will scoff Will take it into their wise heads  To cut the North Pole off! And then what would become of us?  I'm sure I haint no notion—I spose that we, the world and all  Would fall into the Ocean!

And what a bad thing that would be— How dreadful is the sound—To let the world fall in the sea  And all the good folks drown'd! I wish that them ere pesky folks  Would let the pole alone; I think that they had better find  Some business of their own!

I wish some one would find them folks  And try and make them see That they had better stay at home  And let the North Pole be! If I should ever see them men  As sure's my name is Joe They'll find what my opinion is  And I shall tell them so!