Poems (Procter)/Homeward Bound

by Adelaide Anne Procter

HOMEWARD BOUND.

HAVE seen a fiercer tempest,
 Known a louder whirlwind blow;
I was wrecked off red Algiers,
 Six-and-thirty years ago.
Young I was, and yet old seamen
 Were not strong or calm as I;
While life held such treasures for me,
 I felt sure I could not die.

Life I struggled for—and saved it;
 Life alone—and nothing more;
Bruised, half dead, alone and helpless
 I was cast upon the shore.
I feared the pitiless rocks of Ocean;
 So the great sea rose—and then
Cast me from her friendly bosom,
 On the pitiless hearts of men.

Gaunt and dreary ran the mountains,
 With black gorges, up the land;
Up to where the lonely Desert
 Spreads her burning, dreary sand:
In the gorges of the mountains,
 On the plain beside the sea,
Dwelt my stern and cruel masters,
 The black Moors of Barbary.

Ten long years I toiled among them,
 Hopeless—as I used to say;
Now I know Hope burnt within me
 Fiercer, stronger, day by day:
Those dim years of toil and sorrow
 Like one long, dark dream appear;
One long day of weary waiting,—
 Then each day was like a year.

How I cursed the land, my prison;
 How I cursed the serpent sea,
And the Demon Fate that showered
 All her curses upon me;
I was mad, I think—God pardon
 Words so terrible and wild—
This voyage would have been my last one,
 For I left a wife and child.

Never did one tender vision
 Fade away before my sight,
Never once through all my slavery,
 Burning day or dreary night;
In my soul it lived, and kept me,
 Now I feel, from black despair,
And my heart was not quite broken,
 While they lived and blest me there.

When at night my task was over,
 I would hasten to the shore;
(All was strange and foreign inland,
 Nothing I had known before;)
Strange looked the bleak mountain passes,
 Strange the red glare and black shade,
And the Oleanders, waving
 To the sound the fountains made.

Then I gazed at the great Ocean,
 Till she grew a friend again;
And because she knew old England,
 I forgave her all my pain:
So the blue still sky above me,
 With its white clouds' fleecy fold,
And the glimmering stars (though brighter),
 Looked like home and days of old.

And a calm would fall upon me,
 Worn perhaps with work and pain,
The wild hungry longing left me,
 And I was myself again:
Looking at the silver waters,
 Looking up at the far sky,
Dreams of home and all I left there
 Floated sorrowfully by.

A fair face, but pale with sorrow,
 With blue eyes, brimful of tears,
And the little red mouth, quivering
 With a smile, to hide its fears;
Holding out her baby towards me,
 From the sky she looked on me;
So it was that last I saw her,
 As the ship put out to sea.

Sometimes (and a pang would seize me
 That the years were floating on)
I would strive to paint her, altered,
 And the little baby gone:
She no longer young and girlish,
 The child standing by her knee,
And her face more pale and saddened
 With the weariness for me.

Then I saw, as night grew darker,
 How she taught my child to pray,
Holding its small hands together,
 For its father, far away;
And I felt her sorrow, weighing
 Heavier on me than my own,
Pitying her blighted spring-time,
 And her joy so early flown.

Till upon my hands (now hardened
 With the rough, harsh toil of years)
Bitter drops of anguish falling,
 Woke me from my dream, to tears;
Woke me as a slave, an outcast,
 Leagues from home, across the deep;
So—though you may call it childish—
 So I sobbed myself to sleep.

Well, the years sped on—my Sorrow,
 Calmer, and yet stronger grown,
Was my shield against all suffering
 Poorer, meaner than her own.
Thus my cruel master's harshness
 Fell upon me all in vain,
Yet the tale of what we sutfered
 Echoed back from main to main.

You have heard in a far country
 Of a self-devoted band,
Vowed to rescue Christian captives
 Pining in a foreign land.
And these gentle-hearted strangers
 Year by year go forth from Rome,
In their hands the hard-earned ransom,
 To restore some exiles home.

I was freed: they broke the tidings
 Gently to me: but indeed
Hour by hour sped on, I knew not
 What the words meant—I was freed!
Better so, perhaps; while sorrow
 (More akin to earthly things)
Only strains the sad heart's fibres,
 Joy, bright stranger, breaks the strings,

Yet at last it rushed upon me,
 And my heart beat full and fast;
What were now my years of waiting,
 What was all the dreary past?
Nothing—to the impatient throbbing
 I must bear across the sea:
Nothing—to the eternal hours
 Still between my home and me!

How the voyage passed I know not;
 Strange it was once more to stand
With my countrymen around me,
 And to clasp an English hand.
But, through all, my heart was dreaming
 Of the first words I should hear,
In the gentle voice that echoed,
 Fresh as ever, on my ear.

Should I see her start of wonder,
 And the sudden truth arise,
Flushing all her face and lightening
 The dimmed splendor of her eyes?
Oh! to watch the fear and doubting
 Stir the silent depths of pain,
And the rush of joy—then melting
 Into perfect peace again.

And the child!—but why remember
 Foolish fancies that I thought?
Every tree and every hedge-row
 From the well-known past I brought;
I would picture my dear cottage,
 See the crackling wood-fire burn,
And the two beside it seated,
 Watching, waiting, my return.

So at last we reached the harbor.
 I remember nothing more
Till I stood, my sick heart throbbing,
 With my hand upon the door.
There I paused—I heard her speaking;
 Low, soft, murmuring words she said;
Then I first knew the dumb terror
 I had had lest she were dead.

It was evening in late autumn,
 And the gusty wind blew chill;
Autumn leaves were falling round me,
 And the red sun lit the hill.
Six-and-twenty years are vanished
 Since then,—I am old and gray,—
But I never told to mortal
 What I saw, until this day.

She was seated by the fire,
 In her arms she held a child,
Whispering baby-words caressing,
 And then, looking up, she smiled;
Smiled on him who stood beside her—
 Oh! the bitter truth was told,
In her look of trusting fondness—
 I had seen the look of old!

But she rose and turned towards me
 (Cold and dumb I waited there)
With a shriek. of fear and terror,
 And a white face of despair.
He had been an ancient comrade—
 Not a single word we said,
While we gazed upon each other,
 He the living: I the dead!

I drew nearer, nearer to her,
 And I took her trembling hand,
Looking on her white face, looking
 That her heart might understand
All the love and all the pity
 That my lips refused to say.
I thank God no thought save sorrow
 Rose in our crushed hearts that day.

Bitter tears that desolate moment,
 Bitter, bitter tears we wept,
We three broken hearts together,
 While the baby smiled and slept.
Tears alone—no words were spoken,
 Till he—till her husband said
That my boy, (I had forgotten
 The poor child,) that he was dead.

Then at last I rose, and, turning,
 Wrung his hand, but made no sign;
And I stooped and kissed her forehead
 Once more, as if she were mine.
Nothing of farewell I uttered,
 Save in broken words to pray
That God would ever guard and bless her
 Then in silence passed away.

Over the great restless ocean
 Six-and-twenty years I roam;
All my comrades, old and weary,
 Have gone back to die at home.
Home! yes, I shall reach a haven,
 I, too, shall reach home and rest;
I shall find her waiting for me
 With our baby on her breast.