Poems of Sentiment and Imagination/Judas' Remorse
JUDAS' REMORSE.
Priests! take them back, those thirty blood-stained pieces!
For which I sold what worlds can not redeem;
With every pulse my fearful sin increases,
And my brain throbs as in some fevered dream.
"See thou to that!" ay, ye do well to taunt
The cursed instrument of your own crime—
Fiends! take your bribe—away with it, avaunt!
Give me a respite, one small hour of time.
I will go forth to look upon the earth,
Upon whose face I am so foul a stain,
And will return no more, for from my birth
If I have lived for this, how worse than vain!
Now on the temple's pinnacle I stand,
And my eye scans the motley gaping crowd,
Whose murderous deed shall lay this fated land,
Accursed and blackened, in a bloody shroud.
The Master's words—oh, how they haunt me now!
And burn like coals of vengeance on my heart;
And the word "traitor," branded on my brow,
From which I never, never more can part!
Oh, that I ne'er had seen Him, had ne'er heard
Those heavenly accents from His guileless lips;
Like hissing firebrands, in my brain each word
Quenches itself, and of my life-blood sips.
I knew, I knew such words and deeds belonged
But to the Deity, and to Him alone!
But powers of darkness all around me thronged
And longed to claim me, as I am, their own.
Oh, would I were the lowliest thing that lives,
Even a soulless, a just breathing thing!
For what is intellect, that to us gives
Such power to sin, such fearful suffering brings?
I dare not ask for pardon; He hath said
Wo to the traitor! and His word fails not;
What if I die? When He shall wake the dead,
Then shall I find I have not been forgot.
They lead Him forth! Oh, agonizing sight!
On His meek head a rugged crown of thorns;
But were it gold His brow would dim its light,
Such the pure majesty these wretches scorn.
The royal robe in mockery He wears;
They spit upon Him, and they hail Him king!
And now, O God! His heavy cross He bears,
Nor breathes one word for all His suffering.
Why do I live—oh, why behold this scene,
Whose shade will haunt me through eternity?
Off, coward fears! your slave too long I've been,
But now I am resolved, and I will die!