Revised Ballads of Bung and Other Verses/Stunology
STUNOLOGY
Since the study of Stunology, a Super Science became,
There are many sorts of students studying the same.
Here are a few expressions, which range from Z to A;
Which have the self-same meaning, the same idea convey.
••••
We say a man is “addled,” “aled,” “alcoholed,” or “on the booze,”
Is a “Bacchanalian Buster,” “bottled,” “blithered,” “beered,” excuse,
I nearly forgot to mention, “blue blind,” “bunkered,” and brimful,”
As well as on “a bender,” “in the bats,” if he don’t pull
His heroic self together, and stopped being “cupped” or “canned,”
He'll get “chloroformed” in “celebrating” something great you understand.
“Dingbatitis,” “drinking,” “doped,” “dizzy,” “dazed,” or on “the drunk,”
As “full as an egg,” “ethered,” and likewise “elephant’s trunk,”
As well as “fizzled,” “fumed,” “floored,” “fizzed”; “full,” and, ah yes, “fixed,”
Have the self-same meaning, tho’ the metaphor is mixed.
On the “go,” “gone,” groggy,” “gassed,” “hipped,” or “half seas o’er,”
“Hors de combat,” “hiccoughed,” “helpless” (on the floor),
Again “inebriated,” “inked,” and, ah, “intoxicated,” too,
Mean quite the same as “jamboreed,” now is that plain to you?
“On the jag,” “juiced,” “joyed,” “jargozzled,” and oh, “as full as a kite,”
“Liquored,” “loose kneed,” “as full as a Lord” (get my meaning right?)
Are just the same as “muzzie,” “muddled,” “mugged,” and also “mixed,”
While “mental aberration” is the term the doctors fixed
(They charge you half-a-guinea, but it keeps your conscience clear,
And the boss is not supposed to know that you were on the beer.)
“Non compos mentis,” yet another mode of saying that your “on,”
And “paralytic,” “punctured,” “primed” or “potty” are not wrong,
“Over the plimsol,” “rocking,” or that “you’re on the roll”—
All these expressions clearly show you love the flowing bowl.
A “ribald reveller,” “on the rag,” or mayhap “in the rats,”
(Don’t you hear them spitting, the jealous, wowser cats!)
“Sizzled,” “slithered,” “squiffy,” “sprung,” or that you’re “on the spree”
(Say the first three sixteen times and prove you’re not to me.)
To say you’re “soused,” “steamed,” “stunned,” or that “you’re on the swank,”
Is only a reflection, on the glorious way you drank.
“Not sober,” is another mode and “sozzled” and “schicker” as well,
While “tight,” “tapped,” “tipped,” or “tipsey,” the same old story tell.
Some will say you’re “full as a tick,” and some that your damned “well tanked,”
Some that you’re “wined,” “wounded,” or “wet,” and some that you are “yanked.”
The boss at the front they said “Zig-zagged,” and the greatest of wars they won,
For King and Country, kids and all, and the right to have a “Stun.”