Sex and the Love-Life/Chapter 1
CHAPTER I
SEX AND LIFE
Meeting Life's Vital Problems. Every intelligent person is interested in the vital problems of life. How can we best prepare ourselves to meet these problems, understand their significance, and assure ourselves of the greatest possible measure of health, happiness and usefulness?
This is the most important question in every individual's life experience. It is the basic consideration of every well organized family. The attempt to answer it, in some degree of satisfaction, at least, is society's most fundamental constructive aim. In a sense it is the outward expression of the social conscience. It is the symbol of culture and civilization.
The great public school system, all colleges and universities—the entire educational system, high and low—is society's most spectacular attempt to prepare youth to meet the problems of life. However, the collective influence of these institutions is but one factor among many.
The home training, teaching and disciplining of children from infancy onward is a constant effort to prepare the young for the experiences of life. That this training so often falls short and proves inadequate is another matter. The point is that every parent worthy of the name wishes to have his or her child amount to something—in other words, to develop into a real manly man, or a fine womanly woman. And to fulfil either of these rôles, one must learn to face life and understand the significance of many of its problems. More often this knowledge is acquired somewhat without conscious realization of the process, and with added difficulty because of the lack of conscious insight.
Only too often it is just missed because a sincere explanation of many perplexing and baffling questions is not given; because, in effect, the mind of the young is not taught in the home environment to look upon natural phenomena in a normal healthy manner.
It is conceded that the most essential preparation for adulthood, and the best safeguard for pre-adulthood, is an understanding of the practical side of life and its ways.
And how inseparably the countless manifestations of sex are bound up with life! Notwithstanding this fact, the great majority of people for generations have been trying to prepare their children for life by leaving sex entirely out of the scheme. It was ignored.
Of course, sex was not eliminated; it was simply—or most complexly—twisted out of its normal place and proportion. But it asserted itself in numberless ways, sometimes disguised, often perversely, and only too frequently with unfortunate results.
The children have by no means been the only victims in this respect. They have carried their lamentable traditions, so long socially approved, over into adulthood, and handed them down much as they had received them. Thus the cycle was perpetuated.
No one can estimate the damage that has been done by the traditional practice of placing a ban on knowledge concerning the sex side of life. Physicians, lawyers and others who are constantly brought into intimate touch with the private affairs of their patients and clients, know that the lives of untold numbers of men and women have been ruined by lack of understanding of their sexual nature, and that innumerable marriages have been shattered by a basic ignorance of sex problems.
There is no denying this fact, however much people will insist upon evading the issue and closing their eyes to the results.
Fortunately, there is a beautiful and constructive side to the problems we must face. Consequently it is only here and there that we need to touch upon and recur to the evils that have come about so largely through the mistaken policy of silence upon some of the most vital facts of life.
What can be a more fascinating and instructive story than the marvel of nature in its methods to assure the continuance of life on earth, and the preservation of the species!
In a felicitous moment, Dr. G. Stanley Hall summed the thought up in these words: "The history of the world is, at root, a love story." By this is meant history in its broadest sense—life history, or biological history—and not merely political history, or the stories of nationalistic and racial groups, their struggles, development and conquests . . . and their decline and failures (when they speak of them).
Sexual Phenomena. The very foundation of life, of health and happiness, is rooted in the intricate phenomena of sex. All forms of life, except the lowest, depend upon sex for the preservation of the species. Sex has been described as the tie that binds all life together. It is certainly the most magnetic force in our animated world of many potent forces. When an individual in any species is sexually incomplete, underdeveloped or pathologically afflicted, that individual is usually rendered incapable of fulfilling the biological rôle of reproducing his kind.
When a human being, in particular, is not sexually normal, through whatever cause, whether hereditary or acquired, that condition is a serious hindrance to a healthy, happy life.
Sexual maladies and disabilities may result from many causes, and practically all except those that have been inherited, may be traced to the common source of ignorance. Even many of the inherited afflictions are the result of ignorance on the part of previous generations.
Of course an understanding of sex is essential to a genuine understanding of self. How thoroughly we are influenced by the unconscious expressions of our sexual nature—as well as, at times, by the conscious impulses—will be seen as we go on.
All about us we see the manifestations of sex, and there are many examples that are too remote to see and too subtle for us to notice. The world is filled with countless forms of life, from the tiny, invisible creatures, all the way up the biological scale to the mammals, of which man is the highest order.
All these classes of life are self-perpetuating products of nature, and nature in every case has devised some appropriate methods for the continuance of that particular class.
PRIMITIVE METHODS OF REPRODUCTION
Asexual Reproduction. The most primitive forms of cell life have a very simple method of reproduction. They are the product of fission or division. The cell grows until it reaches a certain stage, then divides, forming two cells, which are as complete as the mother cell was. These daughter cells follow the same course, a constant and continuous process of dividing, every cell (unless destroyed in the contacts with its environment) becoming a parent cell and reproducing two like itself by division.
Inevitably, in the course of these primitive forms of life, the cells are exposed to numerous hazards and a very large proportion are destroyed, which is fortunate, otherwise the earth would soon become over-run by the rapid reproduction of any one of many of the simple forms of life.
Even in certain fairly high types of plant life, this principle may be seen. In the yeast plant, for instance, a cell of the body of the plant at maturity simply becomes two cells, by division, or pushing out a bud. Each of these two cells then becomes a new individual plant.
Some of the mosses, too, reproduce by the process of division and separation. The different parts separate from one another, then each part develops the missing members and becomes a new plant.
Following this course, any part of a moss that is separated from the parent moss may become a new and complete organism. By this method of division, the moss spreads to such places as it finds food.
With the exception of reproduction by cell division, however, the universal tendency of nature in the lower orders is to effect reproduction in the vegetable kingdom by means of seed, and in most of those orders of animal life below the mammals, by means of the egg. Both of these methods, however, with the elaborate processes of which the seed or egg is the immediate agency—and has its analogy in mammalian reproduction, including the human-are definitely sexual.
The lower forms are interesting in tracing the steps of biological reproduction up to the higher and more complex forms of life. In sex we find the essential touch of nature that makes the whole world akin, that affords the impetus to the preservation of life and that is, as well, in the higher forms of life, when the consciousness of sex becomes evident, the source of much joy and ecstasy.
Among the lower forms of life, the rôle of sex seems to be the focal center of all life's activities. Everything else, even the search for food, and the preservation of the individual life, may be subordinate to and revolve around the pivot of reproduction.
In the case of certain insects, for instance, the whole development of the individual's life is an elaborate preparation for reproduction—as it is, in fact, throughout all of nature—and when this is accomplished the life-function of that individual has rendered its sole service to the species and comes to an end.
Sexuality Becomes More Complex. As we follow the higher forms in the biological scale of life, however, sex expression becomes more and more a specific act, periodic or occasional, instead of the almost exclusive function of life.
But even where the sex act itself becomes an occasional or periodic function, there are in evidence numerous secondary characteristics of sex which constantly assert themselves without denoting a conscious sexual impulse or response.
These secondary sexual characteristics are both physical and psychic. They give color and beauty and music to the lower orders, and all of these, as well as poetry, romance and idealism, to human life. The gorgeous feathers of the peacock, the majestic mien of the lion, the vocal excellencies of the nightingale, are all the hall-marks of sex in the marvelous handiwork of nature. And, of course, all of these features have their analogies in human life.
Besides the purely ornamental and vocal phases of secondary sex expression, it is also quite universal among animals to display other evidences of the chemical activity that is taking place within them. After all, the mating urge, pubescent development and all other aspects of sexual phenomena, are primarily manifestations of the body's chemistry, consisting principally of the secretions of the ductless or endocrine glands, and their reactions upon the various organs, tissues and the nervous system.
Animals, therefore, show many characteristic forms of sexual interest that are sexual in a secondary manner only. Thus, they disport themselves in various striking poses, contort their bodies in mid-air, hop or dance, spread the plumes of their tail-feathers for the approbation of the opposite gender of the species, and in other ways show a seeming consciousness of exercising a deliberate sex appeal. I say "seeming consciousness," because these actions are purely instinctive, spontaneous and automatic, and as involuntary as the changing of the color of their feathers, fur or hair. The frolicking animals just cannot help themselves. They are expressing themselves, not as their consciousness wills or or chooses, but as their internal chemistry predisposes. This stimulus and response activity is explained in biological works dealing with the tension and release of organic functions.
So in the upward scale of life, sex becomes more specialized and refined until, in certain of the higher orders, it reaches its finest and highest expression in altruism, self-sacrifice, chivalry and devotion. Many of the higher animals evidence these traits, as well as human beings at their best.
While sex expression becomes more specialized in the higher animals, and more refined in human beings, unless debased in the latter by lustful degeneracy, its latent influence is nevertheless always in evidence. For instance, the child through the whole period of life is being prepared gradually by nature for the florescence which takes place at the adolescent stage and which normally culminates in the full sexual development of adulthood.
THE TWO PARAMOUNT URGES
Hunger and the Sex Impulse. There are two paramount impulses which dominate organic beings. Life is dynamic, the expression of energy. The constant expenditure of energy implies the need for a steady, ever available source of nutrition. Hence, the primary problem throughout all forms of life is and always has been to take care of the food requirements. Under certain conditions, and particularly in the case of primitive man, the struggle for food was nearly always a pressing one, with occasional feasts when the fortunes of the chase broke well. Naturally, this ever pressing need consumed a vast amount of energy—much more than is now required for the satisfaction of the bare instinct of hunger.
Under modern conditions, there is for the great mass of people also a constant economic struggle, but the object is more diversified, and includes many refinements and cultural accessories that have become virtual necessities with the development of civilized habits.
After the universal urge of hunger, which is an expression of the instinct of self-preservation, there comes the quite equally universal impulse for reproduction, which is just as essential as the former, as it is the instinct for the preservation of the species.
The attempt to prepare to meet the problems of life without recognizing either of these two supreme impulses is doomed to frustration or failure. The problem of nutrition—an economic one—is conceded by all. Every normal person wishes to make a livelihood and to assure himself of the material needs that are so self-evident, even though often so elusive in sufficiency. Practically all training of the young takes this more or less into consideration, and even well in advance of adulthood, the individual is vaguely impressed with the inexorable operation of the economic struggle, even if he does not understand the mechanism behind it.
But how different is the individual and collective attitude toward the reproductive impulse! Here we have a factor with tremendous potentialities for making or marring the individual's life—but the outcome is only too often left in the lap of chance.
The refinements of civilization and the opportunities of culture have extended the ramifications of the sex urge, and intensified the love-impulse. Notwithstanding this increased importance of the rôle of sex in modern life, the subject has received less consideration than primitive peoples have given it, instead of more, as it deserves.
Savages' Attitude Toward Sex. Savages, at least, recognized the potency of the sexual urge, and attempted in their own way to prepare the pubescent boy and girl for the responsibilities involved in the sexual awakening.
In fact, the mysteries of sex have always exercised a profound influence upon the primitive mind. The savage's conceptions of the supernatural were largely colored by sexual fancies, which, however, is a peculiarity of all primitive religions. Consequently, sex symbolism is one of the oldest of our social heritages. As far back as we are able to trace, we find evidence of man's worship of the reproductive forces of nature.
Among the more primitive peoples, sexual phenomena were sanctified in their normal forms, literally and undisguised. There are still extant countless examples of these early specimens of adoration.[1] In the course of time, however, with the departure from simple, primitive norms, these customs underwent modification and refinement.
As a result, there was a gradual drifting away from the cruder forms of worship of the generative organs and sexual acts, and their literal representations, and symbolic expressions of the earlier practices were substituted. Unnumbered examples of these symbols in social custom and tradition, as well as in material form, some highly disguised, others plainly evident, are to be observed about us in everyday life. Many of these interesting symbolic heritages still show amazing vitality in their hold upon the emotional life and imagination of civilized people.
Within the historic period, various forms of sex worship—notably phallicism (adoration of the generative organs), sacred prostitution and other types—were practiced by the Egyptians, Phœnicians, Pompeians, Greeks, East Indians, and other widely scattered peoples. Not only are phallic images found among the ruins of these races, but they are still in evidence at the present time in the temples of many of their descendants.
Many Variations of Nature Worship. There are many variations of nature worship besides the Phallic and Venus cults, such as the belief in the fertilizing effect of the sun upon the earth—hence Sun-worshippers—and the association of human sexual practices with the fertility of fields.
The best known examples of sacred or religious prostitution are those that were practiced in the temples of the Chaldean Venus, whose name was Mylitta, as described by Herodotus, Strabo and others, from first-hand observation. Identical voluptuous rites were practiced in Phœnicia, Carthage and Syria, where the Mylitta or Venus was known as Astarte.
Sex worship, by modern writers, is usually referred to as phallicism—from the Greek noun that has been adopted into English in its Latinized form, phallus. It refers, with its adjective phallic, to the male organ of generation.
The legend of St. Patrick banishing the snakes from Ireland merely symbolizes his action in driving out phallic cults, which were represented by the exposure of the phallus, or of the snake representation, one of the most prominent symbols signifying procreation.
In ancient times the image of the phallus, or of the external portion of the female genitalia, was the most popular talisman worn by both men and women as an amulet or charm to bring "good luck." This symbol was also believed to possess the power of conferring virility or fruitfulness upon the wearer. Similar amulets, but more disguised in their symbolism, are still popular articles of feminine adornment.
Other common terms indicative of sex symbolism are the Sanskrit words lingam (or lingham), signifying the male organ, and yoni, the female.
The windows, doors and other apertures of churches and cathedrals are often made in shapes to suggest the yoni, and frequently serve as recesses for the placing of religious statuary. These, with other characteristic ecclesiastical symbolism, emphasize the unbroken traditions that have motivated religious feeling by consciously or unconsciously identifying the phenomena of sex with the supernatural.
In considering the subject, Sex and Life—the caption of the present chapter—it is not only pertinent, but imperative in an honest discussion of the theme, to indicate the background of mankind's traditions in the realm of sexual interest, as well as to allude to the far-reaching biological implications of sex and life.
SEXUAL COLDNESS
From the immediate individual standpoint, probably no factor has been more responsible for the attempted dissociation of sex from life than frigidity, or sexual coldness. This statement is made with a full realization of the fact that frigidity, in certain cases, at least, is an effect of other more remote causes.
Congenital and Counterfeit Frigidity. There are different kinds of frigidity, or sexual anesthesia, just as there are as many variations in the degree of sexual feeling as there are variations in human temperament. At this point, however, we are interested principally in two specific types of frigidity; first, the congenitally "cold" type, and, second, the pseudo and counterfeit type of coldness.
The congenitally frigid person is one born deficient in sexual libido, or sexual feeling; that is, because of some inherent maladjustment of the bodily chemistry, probably in most cases a shortcoming of one or more of the links of the endocrine or ductless gland system, the individual is never able to experience normal sexual desire, feeling or gratification. Little or nothing can be done to improve this condition, unless, in exceptional instances, the specific trouble is amenable to treatment by stimulating the defective glands so that they will function in a manner approximating the normal. Generally speaking, however, the congenital case may be considered irremediable.
The case of pseudo-frigidity, however, is not an organic defect, but the person so conditioned is subject to such powerful inhibitions through faulty training, irrational ideals, or some shocking experience in early life, that the normal sex feeling has been suspended. Women constitute the great majority of cases of this kind, because, for obvious reasons, they are more susceptible to the inhibiting influences which may bring about this condition. Notwithstanding that it is not "true," or organic, frigidity, it is often exceedingly difficult to overcome. One of the principal reasons for this is that the individual does not want to be cured. It is largely psychological problem, and may be remedied only by psychic re-education. As people usually do not wish to be re-educated—particularly if they are harboring a set of irrational ideas—the difficulty is almost always tremendous, sometimes quite hopeless. However, when such an individual is mentally open-minded enough to recognize the anomaly of the situation and endeavors to overcome the obstacle, she is already in a fair way to gaining the normal state, and some help or advice from a person with real understanding or insight into the problem, will work wonders.
Side-tracked Sex Energy. The woman possessed of psychic inhibitions governing sexual feeling, frequently presents a difficult problem to those who have to associate with her. Often she evidences remarkable energy—the energy that would normally find expression in different phases of the sex and love-life being utilized in other channels of personal interest and enthusiasm. All of this tends to establish a lack of balance in the emotional sphere, which reflects itself in the woman's activities, however social-minded and idealistic she may be.
This type has its male counterpart, too, although the latter is not so characteristically exemplified as the former.
Of course, the majority of psychically inhibited women do not belong to this class. They are usually house-wives or maiden ladies exacting no attention beyond the commonplace. Their trouble is due in most instances to faulty education, or perhaps an asceticism which has warped their minds with the fixed doctrine that all expressions of a sexual nature are impure, sinful or shameful. When, in trying to live their lives in accordance with this irrational ideal, or at best grudgingly to compromise with an unpleasant marital situation, they are unwittingly flouting the universal laws of nature—and pay the price in soul-suffering for their lack of understanding.
Dr. Nystrom,[2] the Swedish authority, states in this connection: "The greatest number of 'cold natures' is to be found among women who are often so frigid that, during sexual intercourse, they are totally indifferent and are almost like corpses. They are born, go through life eating, drinking, dressing, etc., without a single ray of love to animate and brighten their colorless existence. A misguided, faulty education, founded upon ascetic, puritan principles, is often to blame for such an unnatural condition. There are married women, who feel and express disgust at sexual intercourse with their husbands, and who allow such acts to take place only as a sacrifice, believing themselves doing something sinful or wrong."
The faulty idealism that has been responsible for trying to separate sex from the love-life—a contradiction in itself—has succeeded only in creating incalculable harm. It is. doubtful if it has in the least helped to prevent excessive sexual indulgence; in fact, as extremes usually go hand in hand, it is more probable that the extreme measures of the prudish minded have indirectly stimulated sexual exesses.
CELIBACY
Error of Sex Denial. The idea of the impurity or sinfulness of sexual intercourse is distinctly traceable to theological concepts and precepts. In the last analysis, it is probably associated with the notion of the "impurity of woman," which was an obsession of almost all the early religious founders, and a great deal of the stigma has remained down to modern times.
For instance, ecclesiastical law reads: "Lying-in women should stay at home about six weeks after the birth of a child, because Christian custom and modesty, as well as their own health, demand it; after that time they should be 'churched' as customary." After giving birth to a child—or, fulfilling the most sacred rôle within the province of womanhood— the mother had to be "purified" before she could be admitted into good church standing.
The ancient Hebrews, who considered women distinctly inferior creatures—as we gather by their traditional customs and writings—looked upon marriage with no little disdain. Their attitude has profoundly influenced Christianity in this, as in many other respects. We find Jeremiah saying: "The earth is filled with marriage and the heavens with virginity."
Paul, the real founder of Christian dogma, placed celibacy above marriage, and so puts himself on record most unmistakably in his Epistles to the Corinthians. Indeed, Paul was quite disturbed over the "sins of the flesh." With this as a beginning, the Church fathers further extolled the virtues of all suppression of sexuality, even to the point of condemning marriage, as some of them did in most uncompromising terms. From this situation arose the obligation of celibacy for priests.
The attempt to deny and proscribe sex is evident in various ways in many religions. The legends have accounted for the birth of the great religious teachers without "sin"; in other words, free from the stigma of sex. Thus, Christ was immaculately conceived; Buddha also was conceived supernaturally. The mother of Buddha was declared to be pure and holy; as, likewise, was the Virgin Mary. A Buddhist monk must not indulge in sexual relations, nor have intercourse of any kind with women. Celibacy is also a tradition among certain priests in China.
Early Ascetic Ideals. The factors involved in the concept that sex expression is sinful, impure or disgusting, are manifestly complicated, having their roots in the very early religious and ascetic ideals of mankind. It must be remembered that when these notions originated, comparatively nothing was known of the nature of the human body, its organic needs and the desirability of rational control of the natural functions of the organism.
The ascetic religions coexisted with cults that swung to the opposite extreme of sexual indulgence, and in part the former were the outcome of revulsion against the sensuous revelry of the time. But this by no means explains all the unconscious motives behind the dramatic attempt to outlaw nature. It is typical of supernaturalism that it should theoretically annul one of nature's most inexorable laws. But the law goes on operating just the same, often creating distress because it is not understood, and causing chaos when it is defied.
Celibacy cannot be considered a normal life for a normal adult individual. There are, of course, persons with some constitutional peculiarity upon whom celibacy imposes no hardship; in fact, persons of this type, often the very finest kind of people, too, are predisposed, for reasons already stated, to celibate lives. But they should not be held up as examples for normal men and women to follow.
Normally constituted people, who through circumstances not of their own choosing have celibacy forced upon them, show quite distinctly the untoward effects of the celibate state.