Shakespeare - First Folio facsimile (1910)/Twelfe Night/Act 2 Scene 5
Enter Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Fabian.
Scena Quinta.
Enter Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Fabian.
To.Come thy wayes Signior Fabian.
Fab.Nay Ile come: if I loose a scruple of this sport, let me be boyl'd to death with Melancholly.
To.Wouldst thou not be glad to haue the niggardly Rascally sheepe-biter, come by some notable shame?
Fa.I would exult man: you know he brought me out o' fauour with my Lady, about a Beare-baiting heere.
To.To anger him wee'l haue the Beare againe, and we will foole him blacke and blew, shall we not sir Andrew?
An.And we do not, it is pittie of our liues.
Enter Maria.
To.Heere comes the little villaine: How now my Mettle of India?
Mar.Get ye all three into the box tree: Maluolio's comming downe this walke, he has beene yonder i'the Sunne practising behauiour to his own shadow this halfe houre: obserue him for the loue of Mockerie: for I know this Letter wil make a contemplatiue Ideot of him. Close in the name of ieasting, lye thou there: for heere comes Exitthe Trowt, that must be caught with tickling.
Enter Maluolio.
Mal.'Tis but Fortune, all is fortune. Maria once told me she did affect me, and I haue heard her self come thus neere, that should shee fancie, it should bee one of my complection. Besides she vses me with a more exalted respect, then any one else that followes her. What should I thinke on't?
To.Heere's an ouer-weening rogue.
Fa.Oh peace: Contemplation makes a rare Turkey Cocke of him, how he iets vnder his aduanc'd plumes.
And.Slight I could so beate the Rogue.
To.Peace I say.
Mal.To be Count Maluolio.
To.Ah Rogue.
An.Pistoll him, pistoll him.
To.Peace, peace.
Mal.There is example for't: The Lady of the Strachy, married the yeoman of the wardrobe.
An.Fie on him Iezabel.
Fa.O peace, now he's deepely in: looke how imagination blowes him.
Mal.Hauing beene three moneths married to her, sitting in my state.
To.O for a stone-bow to hit him in the eye.
Mal.Calling my Officers about me, in my branch'd Veluet gowne: hauing come from a day bedde, where I haue left Oliuia sleeping.
To.Fire and Brimstone.
Fa.O peace, peace.
Mal.And then to haue the humor of state: and after a demure trauaile of regard: telling them I knowe my place, as I would they should doe theirs: to aske for my kinsman Toby.
To.Boltes and shackles.
Fa.Oh peace, peace, peace, now, now.
Mal.Seauen of my people with an obedient start, make out for him: I frowne the while, and perchance winde vp my watch, or play with my some rich Iewell: Toby approaches; curtsies there to me.
To.Shall this fellow liue?
Fa.Though our silence be drawne from vs with cars, yet peace.
Mal.I extend my hand to him thus: quenching my familiar smile with an austere regard of controll.
To.And do's not Toby take you a blow o'the lippes, then?
Mal.Saying, Cosine Toby, my Fortunes hauing cast me on your Neece, giue me this prerogatiue of speech.
To.What, what?
Mal.You must amend your drunkennesse.
To.Out scab.
Fab.Nay patience, or we breake the sinewes of our plot?
Mal.Besides you waste the treasure of your time, with a foolish knight.
And.That's mee I warrant you.
Mal.One sir Andrew.
And.I knew 'twas I, for many do call mee foole.
Mal.What employment haue we heere?
Fa.Now is the Woodcocke neere the gin.
To.Oh peace, and the spirit of humors intimate reading aloud to him.
Mal.By my life this is my Ladies hand: these bee her very C's, her V's, and her T's, and thus makes shee hergreat P's. It is in contempt of question her hand.
An.Her C's, her V's, and her T's: why that?
Mal.To the vnknowne belou'd, this, and my good Wishes: Her very Phrases: By your leaue wax. Soft, and the impressure her Lucrece, with which she vses to seale: tis my Lady: To whom should this be?
Fab.This winnes him, Liuer and all.
Mal.Ioue knowes I loue, but who, Lips do not mooue, noman must know. No man must know. What followes? The numbers alter'd: No man must know, If this should be thee Maluolio?
To.Marrie hang thee brocke.
Mal.I may command where I adore, but silence like a Lucresse knife:With bloodlesse stroke my heart doth gore, M.O.A.I. doth sway my life.
Fa.A fustian riddle.
To.Excellent Wench, say I.
Mal.M.O.A.I. doth sway my life. Nay but first let me see, let me see, let me see.
Fab.What dish a poyson has she drest him?
To.And with what wing the stallion checkes at it?
Mal.I may command, where I adore: Why shee may command me: I serue her, she is my Ladie. Why this is euident to any formall capacitie. There is no obstruction in this, and the end: What should that Alphabeticall position portend, if I could make that resemble something in me? Softly, M.O.A.I
To.O I, make vp that, he is now at a cold sent.
Fab.Sowter will cry vpon't for all this, though it bee as ranke as a Fox.
Mal.M. Maluolio, M. why that begins my name.
Fab.Did not I say he would worke it out, the Curre is excellent at faults.
Mal.M. But then there is no consonancy in the sequell that suffers vnder probation: A. should follow, but O. does.
Fa.And O shall end, I hope
To.I, or Ile cudgell him, and make him cry O.
Mal.And then I. comes behind.
Fa.I, and you had any eye behinde you, you might see more detraction at your heeles, then Fortunes before you.
Mal.M,O,A,I. This simulation is not as the former: and yet to crush this a little, it would bow to mee, for euery one of these Letters are in my name. Soft, here followes prose: If this fall into thy hand, reuolue. In my stars I am aboue thee, but be not affraid of greatnesse: Some are become great, some atcheeues greatnesse, and some haue greatnesse thrust vppon em. Thy fates open theyr hands, let thy blood and spirit embrace them, and to invre thy selfe to what thou art like to be: cast thy humble slough, and appeare fresh. Be opposite with a kinsman, surly with seruants: Let thy tongue tang arguments of state; put thy selfe into the tricke of singularitie. Shee thus aduises thee, that sighes for thee. Remember who commended thy yellow stockings, and wish'd to see thee euer crosse garter'd: I say remember, goe too, thou art made if thou desir'st to be so: If not, let me see thee a steward still, the fellow of seruants, and not woorthie to touch Fortunes fingers Farewell, Shee that would alter seruices with thee, the fortunate vnhappy daylight and champian discouers not more: This is open, I will bee proud, I will reade politicke Authours, I will baffle Sir Toby, I will wash off grosse acquaintance, I will be point deuise, the very man. I do not now foole my selfe, to let imagination iade mee; for euery reason excites to this, that my Lady loues me. She did commend my yellow stockings of late, shee did praise my legge being crosse-garter'd, and in this she manifests her selfe to my loue, & with a kinde of iniunction driues mee to these habites of her liking. I thanke my starres, I am happy: I will bee strange, stout, in yellow stockings, and crosse Garter'd, euen with the swiftnesse of putting on. Ioue, and my starres be praised. Heere is yet a postscript. Thou canst not choose but know who I am. If thou entertainst my loue, letit appeare in thy smiling, thy smiles become thee well. Therefore in my presence still smile, deero my sweete, I prethee. Ioue I thanke thee, I will smile, I wil do euery thing that thou Exit.wilt haue me.
Fab.I will not giue my part of this sport for a pension of thousands to be paid from the Sophy.
To.I could marry this wench for this deuice.
An.So could I too.
To.And aske no other dowry with her, but such another iest.
Enter Maria.
An.Nor I neither.
Fab.Heere comes my noble gull catcher.
To.Wilt thou set thy foote o'my necke.
An.Or o'mine either?
To.Shall I play my freedome at tray-trip, and becom thy bondslaue?
An.Ifaith, or I either?
Tob.Why, thou hast put him in such a dreame, that when the image of it leaues him, he must run mad.
Ma.Nay but say true, do's it worke vpon him?
To.Like Aqua vite with a Midwife.
Mar.If you will then see the fruites of the sport, mark his first approach before my Lady: hee will come to her in yellow stockings, and 'tis a colour she abhorres, and crosse garter'd, a fashion shee detests: and hee will smile vpon her, which will now be so vnsuteable to her disposition, being addicted to a melancholly, as shee is, that it cannot but turn him into a notable contempt: if you wil see it follow me.
To.To the gates of Tartar, thou most excellent diuell of wit.
And.Exeunt.Ile make one too.Finis Actus secundus