Shakespeare - First Folio facsimile (1910)/Twelfe Night/Act 4 Scene 2
Scœna Secunda.
Enter Maria and Clowne.
Mar.Nay, I prethee put on this gown, & this beard, make him beleeue thou art sir Topas the Curate, doe it quickly. Ile call sir Toby the whilst.
Clo.Well, Ile put it on, and I will dissemble my selfe in't, and I would I were the first that euer dissembled in in such a gowne. I am not tall enough to become thefunction well, nor leane enough to bee thought a good Studient: but to be said an honest man and a good houskeeper goes as fairely, as to say, a carefull man, & a great scholler. The Competitors enter.
Enter Toby.
To.Ioue blesse thee M. Parson.
Clo.Bonos dies sir Toby: for as the old hermit of Prage that neuer saw pen and inke, very wittily sayd to a Neece of King Gorbodacke, that that is, is: so I being M. Parson, am M. Parson; for what is that, but that? and is, but is?
To.To him sir Topas.
Clow. What hoa, I say, Peace in this prison.
To.Maluolio within.The knaue counterfets well: a good knaue.
Mal. Who cals there?
Clo.Sir Topas the Curate, who comes to visit Maluolio the Lunaticke.
Mal.Sir Topas, sir Topas, good sir Topas goe to my Ladie.
Clo.Out hyperbolicall fiend, how vexest thou this man? Talkest thou nothing but of Ladies?
Tob.Well said M. Parson.
Mal.Sir Topas, neuer was man thus wronged, good sir Topas do not thinke I am mad: they haue layde mee heere in hideous darknesse.
Clo.Fye, thou dishonest sathan: I call thee by the most modest termes, for I am one of those gentle ones, that will vse the diuell himselfe with curtesie: sayst thou that house is darke?
Mal.As hell sir Topas.
Clo.Why it hath bay Windowes transparant as baricadoes, and the cleere stores toward the South north, are as lustrous as Ebony: and yet complainest thou of obstruction?
Mal.I am not mad sir Topas, I say to you this house is darke.
Clo.Madman thou errest: I say there is no darknesse but ignorance, in which thou art more puzel'd then the Ægyptians in their fogge.
Mal.I say this house is as darke as Ignorance, thogh Ignorance were as darke as hell; and I say there was neuer man thus abus'd, I am no more madde then you are, make the triall of it in any constant question.
Clo.What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning Wilde-fowle?
Mal.That the soule of our grandam, might happily inhabite a bird.
Clo.What thinkst thou of his opinion?
Mal.I thinke nobly of the soule, and no way aproue his opinion.
Clo.Fare thee well: remaine thou still in darkenesse, thou shalt hold th' opinion of Pythagoras, ere I will allow of thy wits, and feare to kill a Woodcocke, lest thou dispossesse the soule of thy grandam. Fare thee well.
Mal.Sir Topas, sir Topas.
Tob.My most exquisite sir Topas.
Clo.Nay I am for all waters.
Mar.Thou mightst haue done this without thy berd and gowne, he sees thee not.
To.To him in thine owne voyce, and bring me word how thou findst him: I would we were well ridde of this knauery. If he may bee conueniently deliuer'd, I would he were, for I am now so farre in offence with my Niece, that I cannot pursue with any safety this sport the vppeshot. ExitCome by and by to my Chamber.
Clo.Hey Robin, iolly Robin, tell me how thy Lady does.
Mal.Foole.
Clo.My Lady is vnkind, perdie.
Mal.Foole.
Clo.Alas why is she so?
Mal.Foole, I say.
Clo.She loues another. Who calles, ha?
Mal.Good foole, as euer thou wilt deserue well at my hand, helpe me to a Candle, and pen, inke, and paper: as I am a Gentleman, I will liue to bee thankefull to theefor't.
Clo.M. Maluolio?
Mal.I good Foole.
Clo.Alas sir, how fell you besides your fiue witts?
Mall. Foole, there was neuer man so notoriouslie abus'd: I am as well in my wits (foole) as thou art.
Clo.But as well: then you are mad indeede, if you be no better in your wits then a foole.
Mal.They haue heere propertied me: keepe mee in darkenesse, send Ministers to me, Asses, and doe all they can to face me out of my wits.
Clo.Aduise you what you say: the Minister is heere. Maluolio, Maluolio, thy wittes the heauens restore: endeauour thy selfe to sleepe, and leaue thy vaine bibble babble.
Mal.Sir Topas.
Clo.Maintaine no words with him good fellow.Who I sir, not I sir. God buy you good sir Topas: Marry Amen. I will sir, I will.
Mal.Foole, foole, foole I say.
Clo.Alas sir be patient. What say you sir, I am shent for speaking to you.
Mal.Good foole, helpe me to some light, and some paper, I tell thee I am as well in my wittes, as any man in Illyria.
Clo.Well-a-day, that you were sir.
Mal.By this hand I am: good foole, some inke, paper, and light: and conuey what I will set downe to my Lady: it shall aduantage thee more, then euer the bearing of Letter did.
Clo.I will help you too't. But tel me true, are you not mad indeed, or do you but counterfeit.
Mal.Beleeue me I am not, I tell thee true.
Clo.Nay, Ile nere beleeue a madman till I see his brains I will fetch you light, and paper, and inke.
Mal.Foole Ile requite it in the highest degree: I prethee be goue.
Clo.I am gone sir, and anon sir,Ile be with you againe:In a trice, like to the old vice,your neede to sustaine.Who with dagger of lath, in his rage and his wrath,cries ah ha, to the diuell:Like a mad lad, paire thy nayles dad,ExitAdieu good man diuell.