Songs and Lyrics (Lehrer)/No Rice
NO RICE (It's Gotta Just Happen)
words and music by Tom Lehrer
(written for the 1983 production at UCSC of the musical Park)
No rice, no flowers,
Friends I can't abide'll
Give me no bridal
Showers.
No invitations
To our relations,
I wanna catch 'em nappin' --
Oh no --- It's gotta just happen.
No fake good wishes,
No in-laws dispatching
Hundreds of matching
Dishes.
No electric toasters,
No silver coasters,
In elegant fancy wrappin' --
Oh no --- It's gotta just happen.
And when the time is right -- if ever
We'll turn to each other some night -- maybe never
No scenes dramatic,
No operatic
Duets,
Just "Hey,
Whaddaya say?
[spoken] Let's!
So as I've often stated,
If I'm gonna wed, it
Won't be premedit -- ated .
I'm not sure it's going to happen,
I'm not so sure I want it to happen,
But if it happens
It's gotta just happen
Just (*)
Like
That!
(*) alternate ending replaces these 3 lines with:
It's gotta just happen
That's how it's gotta happen to me.
This song was written in 1973 for a student production, at the University of California, Santa Cruz, of the musical PARK. It was one of several interpolations by Tom Lehrer in the score of the original musical. The latter, with book and lyrics by Paul Cherry and music by Lance Mulcahy, opened on Broadway in 1970 and closed after five performances.