Songs and Lyrics (Lehrer)/The Ice Cream Tango
THE ICE CREAM TANGO
(written for the 1973 production at UCSC of the musical Park)
words and music by Tom Lehrer
| Elizabeth: [spoken] | Do you know what I would really like right now? |
| [sung] | I would like ---- some ice cream. |
| Sara & Jamie: | Me too! |
| Elizabeth: | I would like ---- a cone. |
| Sara & Jamie: | Me too! |
| Austin: | Me too! |
| Elizabeth: | It would really hit the spot, |
| Jamie: [spoken] | What flavor does your majesty crave? |
| Elizabeth: | I would like ---- vanilla. |
| Jamie: | Me too! |
| Austin: | Not me. Iʼll take chocʼlate. |
| Sara: | I want peach. |
| Jamie: [spoken] | Peach?? |
| Sara: [spoken] | All right, chocʼlate. |
| Elizabeth: | But wouldnʼt it be pleasant, |
| Sara: [spoken] | Including peach! [Sara and Jamie stick tongues out at each other.] |
| Austin: | Would you rather have a dish? |
| Elizabeth: [spoken] | A bit too fancyish! |
| Austin: | Would you like it on a plate? |
| Elizabeth: [spoken] | Itʼs good -- but not great. |
| Austin: | Would you like it on a stick? |
| Sara & Jamie: [spoken] | Ick! |
| Austin: | Well, how about a cup? [others shake their heads] |
| Jamie: | Me too! You canʼt carry them alone. |
| Elizabeth & Sara: | Heʼs right. |
| Austin: | I know. |
| Jamie: | Two chocʼlates, two vanillas, |
| Elizabeth & Sara: | Two chocʼlates, two vanillas. |
| Austin: | For nothing the world has ever known........ |
| Jamie: | Nothing the world has ever known....... |
| Elizabeth & Sara: | Nothing the world has ever known |
| All [in harmony]: | Can compare with an ice cream |
| Elizabeth: | Cone! |
| Austin & Jamie | I want an ice cream cone! |
| Elizabeth & Sara: [spoken] | Me too! |
A possible scene to set up “The Ice Cream Tango”
(Possibly some introductory dialogue, indicating that the four people are friends, that it is summer, etc.)
(Bell rings offstage)
A: What's that?
B: Could it be an ice cream truck?
C: I didn't think they existed any more.
D: Remember when we were kids how we used to look forward to the Good Humor Man?
(All laugh) (trill in the music)
Soprano: (spoken) As a matter of fact, do you know what I would really like right now?
(sings) I would like some ice cream.......
Possible scene after the song
(During "two chocolates, two vanillas", A looks out the window.)
A: Hey, he's gone!
(All register disappointment.)
B: He must have left while we were standing around here singing.
All resume singing with "Nothing the world has ever known", etc.