Strange and wonderful history and prophecies of Mother Shipton/Chapter 4

CHAP. IV.

Several other merry Pranks played by center Mother Shipton, in Revenge of such as abused her.

AS our Ursula grew up to riper years she was often affronted by reason of her deformity, but she never failed to be revenged on those that did it. As one day all the chief of the parish being together at a merry meeting, she coming thither occasionally on an errand, some of them abused her by calling her the devil's bastard, and hag face, and the like; whereupon she went away grumbling, but so ordered her affairs, that when they sat down to dinner, one of the principal yeomen, had, in an instant, his ruff which in these days they wore, pulled off and the seat of an house of office clapt in its place: He that sat next him, bursting out into laughter at the sight thereof, was served little better, for his hat was invisibly conveyed away, and the pan of a close stool, which stood in the next room, put on instead thereof. Besides, this a modest young gentlewoman, that sat at the table at the same time, looking at these two worthy spectacles of mirth, endeavoured all she could to refrain laughing, but she could not; and withal, continued breaking of wind backward for above a quarter of an hour together, like so many broadsides in a sea fight; which made all the company laugh so extremely, that the master of the house, being the chief inn in the town, was alarmed below therewith and desiring to share with his guests in their mirth, came running up stairs as fast as his legs could carry him: but being about to enter the door, he could not; and no wonder, since the oldest man living never saw a larger pair of horns than he had on his head; but whilst they were a gazing on one another, as more than half distracted, they were in at first; after which followned a oise, as if more than an hundred persons were laughing together, but nothing was seen.