The Complete Works of Count Tolstoy/Volume 18/The Fruits of Enlightenment/Act 1

by Leo Tolstoy

DRAMATIS PERSONÆ

Leoníd Fédorovich Zvyezdíntsev, an ex-lieutenant of the Horse-Guards, owner of twenty-four thousand desyatínas in various Governments. A well-preserved man, about sixty years of age,—a meek, pleasant gentleman. Believes in spiritualism and likes to amuse others with his stories.

Anna Pávlovna Zvyezdíntsev, his wife, a plump woman who is trying to appear young. Worrying about worldly proprieties, despising her husband, and blindly trusting her doctor. An irritable lady.

Betsy, their daughter, a worldly girl, about twenty years of age, with loose manners, imitating men, in eye-glasses. A coquette and a giggler. Speaks very rapidly and very distinctly, compressing her lips, like a foreigner.

Vasíli Leonídych, their son, twenty-five years old, a bachelor of law, without any special occupation, a member of a bicycle, a racing, and a kennel club. A young man enjoying excellent health and imperturbable self-confidence. Speaks aloud and by jerks. He is either entirely in earnest, almost gloomy, or noisily vivacious, and laughs loud.

Professor Aleksyéy Vladímirovich Krugosvyétlov, a savant, about fifty years of age, with quiet, pleasantly self-confident manners and a similarly hesitating and chanting speech. Likes to talk. He treats with gentle contempt those who do not agree with him. Smokes much. A lean, mobile man.

Doctor, about forty, a healthy, stout, red-faced man. Loud and coarse. All the time smiles with self-satisfaction.

Márya Konstantínovna, a maiden of about twenty, a graduate of a conservatory, teacher of music, with tufts of hair over her brow, in an exaggeratedly fashionable attire, flattering and easily confused.

Petríshchev, about twenty-eight years of age, bachelor of philology, in search of an activity, member of the same societies as Vasíli Leonídych, and, in addition, of the society for promoting chintz and calico evening parties. Bald, quick in his movements and speech, and extremely polite.

Baroness, a distinguished lady about fifty, indolent, speaks without intonations.

Princess, a lady of the world, guest.

Young Princess, a young lady of the world, finical, guest.

Countess, an ancient lady, barely moving about, with false hair and teeth.

Grossmann, dark-complexioned, of a Jewish type, very mobile, nervous, speaks very loud.

Márya Vasílevna Tolbúkhin, a very stout lady, very dignified, rich, and good-natured; acquainted with all remarkable people, past and present. Speaks very fast, trying to outtalk everybody else. Smokes.

Baron Klíngen (Coco), a graduate of the St. Petersburg University, a yunker of the chamber, serving with an embassy. Very correct, and therefore composed and calmly gay.

A Lady.

A Gentleman (without words).

Sergyéy Ivánovich Sakhátov, about fifty years old, ex-associate minister, an elegant gentleman, of broad European culture; has no special occupation, but is interested in everything. Holds himself with dignity and even somewhat severely.

Fédor Iványch, valet, about sixty years old, an educated man, fond of culture. Misuses his eye-glasses and handkerchief, which he unfolds slowly. Interested in politics. An intelligent and kind man.

Grigóri, lackey, twenty-eight years old, fine-looking, dissipated, envious, and bold.

Yákov, butler, about forty, zealous, good-natured, living only for his family interests in the village.

Semén, peasant of the pantry, about twenty years old, a healthy, fresh country lad, blond, without a beard, quiet, smiling.

Coachman, thirty-five years old, a fop, wearing moustache only, coarse and determined.

Old Cook, forty-five years old, shaggy, unshaven, bloated, yellow, trembling, in a torn nankeen summer overcoat, dirty trousers, and torn boots; speaks hoarsely; the words escape from him as though over an impediment.

Woman Cook, great talker, dissatisfied, about thirty years old.

Porter, ex-soldier.

Tánya, chambermaid, about nineteen years old, energetic, strong, merry, and quickly passing from one mood to another. Squeaks in moments of strong excitement from joy.

First Peasant, about sixty years old; has been an elder, thinks that he knows how to treat gentlemen, and likes to hear himself talk.

Second Peasant, about forty-five years old, rude and truthful; does not like to say more than is necessary. Semén's father.

Third Peasant, about seventy years old, in bast shoes, nervous, restless, in haste; easily embarrassed, and covering up his embarrassment by talking.

First Footman of the countess, an old-fashioned old man, with a lackey's pride.

Second Footman, huge, robust, rude.

Shop Messenger, in a blue sleeveless coat, with a fresh ruddy face. Speaks firmly, impressively, and clearly.

 

Action takes place in the capital, in Zvyezdíntsev's house.

THE FRUITS OF ENLIGHTENMENT

ACT I.

The stage represents the antechamber of a rich house in Moscow. Three doors the outer, into Leónid Fédorovich's private cabin, and into Vasíli Leonídych's room. A staircase leading to the upper rooms; back of it, a passage to the butler's pantry.

 

Scene I. Grigóri (a young, handsome lackey, looking in the mirror and primping himself).

Grigóri. I am sorry for my moustache. She says a moustache is not good for a lackey. Why? That you may see that I am a lackey, or else I might look finer than her darling son. Who is he, anyway? Even though I am without a moustache, he can't come up to me— (Looking in the mirror, smiling.) What a lot of women are after me! But I do not like any of them as much as Tánya— A simple chambermaid, yes, but she is finer than any lady! (Smiling.) And so sweet! (Listening.) There she is herself! (Smiling.) Just hear her strike the floor with her heels! Whew!

 

Scene II. Grigóri and Tánya (in fur coat and half-shoes).

Grigóri. My respect to Tatyána Makárovna!

Tánya. What, are you looking at yourself? You imagine you are very good-looking!

Grigóri. Why, am I not?

Tánya. Neither good, nor bad-looking, just half and half. What are the furs doing here?

Grigóri. I shall take them away at once, madam. (Takes down a fur coat and covers Tánya with it, embracing her.) Tánya, let me tell you—

Tánya. Go to! What does this look like? (Angrily tearing herself away.) I tell you, leave me alone!

Grigóri (looking around). Kiss me!

Tánya. What makes you bother me so much? I will give you a kiss!— (Raises her hand to strike him.)

Vasíli Leonídych (behind the stage a bell is rung, and then a voice is heard). Grigóri!

Tánya. Go! Vasíli Leonídych is calling you.

Grigóri. He will wait: he has just opened his eyes. Tell me, why do you not love me?

Tánya. Don't talk about any of your loves! I do not love anybody.

Grigóri. It is not so. You love Semén. A fine fellow to love! A black-handed peasant of the pantry!

Tánya. Let him be what he may,—but you are envious.

Vasíli Leonídych (behind the scene). Grigóri!

Grigóri. Wait!—What have I to be envious of? You have just begun your education, and see with whom you are keeping company! It would be different if you loved me—Tánya—

Tánya (angrily and sternly). I tell you, you must not expect a thing.

Vasíli Leonídych (behind the scene). Grigóri!

Grigóri. You are dreadfully strict.

Vasíli Leonídych (behind the scene, cries stubbornly, evenly, and at the top of his voice). Grigóri! Grigóri! Grigóri! (Tánya and Grigóri laugh.)

Grigóri. You ought to see the women that have been loving me! (Bell.)

Tánya. Go to the master, and leave me alone!

Grigóri. You are foolish, when you come to think of it. I am not Semén!

Tánya. Semén wants to marry, and does not think of foolishness—

 

Scene III. Grigóri, Tánya, and Messenger (carrying a large paper box with a dress).

Messenger. Good morning to you!

Grigóri. Good morning. From whom is it?

Messenger. From Bourdier, with a dress. Here is a note to the lady.

Tánya (taking the note). Sit down here! I will take it in. (Exit.)

Scene IV. Grigóri, Messenger, and Vasíli Leonídych (putting his head out of the door, in his shirt and slippers).

Vasíli Leonídych. Grigóri!

Grigóri. Immediately.

Vasíli Leonídych. Grigóri, do you not hear me?

Grigóri. I have just come in.

Vasíli Leonídych. Hot water and tea!

Grigóri. Semén will bring it in a minute.

Vasíli Leonídych. What is this? From Bourdier?

Messenger. Yes, sir. (Vasíli Leonídych and Grigóri exeunt. Bell.)

 

Scene V. Messenger and Tánya (running in to answer the bell).

Tánya (to the messenger). Wait!

Messenger. That's what I have been doing.

 

Scene VI. Messenger, Tánya, and Sakhátov (walks in through the door).

Tánya. Pardon me, the lackey has just gone out. But please, let me help you! (Takes off his fur coat.)

Sakhátov (adjusting his clothes). Is Leonid Fédorovich at home? Is he up? (Bell.)

Tánya. Certainly. Long ago.

 

Scene VII. Messenger, Tánya, Sakhátov, and Doctor (entering).

Doctor (looking for the lackey. Seeing Sakhátov, with familiarity). Ah, my respects to you!

Sakhátov (looking fixedly at him). I think you are the doctor?

Doctor. I thought you were abroad. Coming to see Leoníd Fédorovich?

Sakhátov. Yes. What are you doing here? Anybody ill?

Doctor (laughing). Not exactly ill, but, you know— these ladies are in a bad shape. They play cards every day until three o'clock in the morning, and then they take to the wine-glass. The lady is stout and fat, and not so very young, either.

Sakhátov. Do you tell your diagnosis to Anna Pávlovna? I should think she would not like it.

Doctor (laughing). But it is the truth. They do all these things, and then there is a disorder of the digestive organs, pressure on the liver, the nerves,—and all that rigmarole, and I have to mend them. Lots of trouble with them. (Laughing.) And you? You are a spiritualist yourself, I think.

Sakhátov. I? No, I am not a spiritualist myself—Well, my respects to you! (Wants to go, but the doctor stops him.)

Doctor. No, I do not myself absolutely deny, when such a man as Krugosvyétlov takes part in it. How could I? A professor,—a European celebrity! There must be something in it. I should like to take a look at it, but I never have any time,—there is always something else to do.

Sakhátov. Yes, yes. My respects to you! (Walks away, with a light bow.)

Doctor (to Tánya). Is she up?

Tánya. In the chamber. If you please. (Sakhátov and the doctor go in different directions.)

 

Scene VIII. Messenger, Tánya, and Fédor Iványch (entering with a newspaper in his hands).

Fédor Iványch (to the messenger). What are you doing here?

Messenger. I am from Bourdier, with a dress and a note. I was told to wait.

Fédor Iványch Ah, from Bourdier! (To Tánya.) Who has come?

Tánya. Sergyéy Iványch Sakhátov, and the doctor. They stood here awhile talking all about the spirituality.

Fédor Iványch (correcting her). About spiritualism.

Tánya. That's what I say, about the spirituality. Did you hear, Fédor Iványch, how well it all went last time? (Laughing.) There were raps, and things flew about.

Fédor Iványch. How do you know?

Tánya. Lizavéta Leonídovna told me.

 

Scene IX. Tánya, Fédor Iványch, Messenger, and Yákov, the butler (running in with a glass of tea).

Yákov (to the messenger). Good morning!

Messenger (sadly). Good morning! (Yákov raps at Vasili Leonidych's door.)

 

Scene X. The same and Grigóri.

Grigóri. Let me have it!

Yákov. You have not brought yesterday's glasses back, and the tray is still in Vasíli Leonídych's room. I shall be responsible for it.

Grigóri. The tray is filled with cigars.

Yákov. Put them elsewhere! I shall have to answer for it.

Grigóri. I will bring it, I will.

Yákov. You say you will bring it, but you don't. The other day they asked for it, and I had nothing to serve on.

Grigóri. I say I will bring it. What zeal!

Yákov. It is easy for you to say so, but this is the third time I have to serve tea, and get ready for breakfast. I am kept busy all day long. Who in the house has more work to do than I? And still I am no good!

Grigóri. What better could there be? You are very good!

Tánya. Nobody is good enough for you, but you yourself.

Grigóri (to Tánya). Nobody asked you! (Exit.)

 

Scene XI. Tánya, Yákov, Fédor Iványch, and Messenger.

Yákov. No, I don't complain—Tatyána Márkovna, did the lady not say anything about yesterday?

Tánya. About the lamp?

Yákov. God knows how it escaped from my hands. I just began to wipe it off and wanted to put my hand around it, when it jumped out and broke into tiny bits. What a misfortune! It is easy enough for Grigóri Mikháylych to talk the way he does, for he is a single man, but I have a family—I have to think about everything, and feed them. Work does not trouble me— So she did not say anything? Well, thank God!— Fédor Iványch, have you one spoon or two?

Fédor Iványch. One, one! (Reading the newspaper. Yákov exit.)

 

Scene XII. Tánya, Fédor Iványch, and Messenger. Bell is rung. Enter Grigóri with tray, and Porter.

Porter (to Grigóri). Announce to the master that the peasants from the village are here!

Grigóri (pointing to Fédor Iványch). Tell the valet! I have no time. (Exit.)

 

Scene XIII. Tánya, Fédor Iványch, Porter, and Messenger.

Tánya. Where are the peasants from?

Porter. From the Government of Kursk, I think.

Tánya (squeaking). It is they—Semén's father,—about the land. I will go and meet them. (Running away.)

 

Scene XIV. Fédor Iványch, Porter, and Messenger.

Porter. What do you say? Shall I let them in here or what? They say they have come in regard to the land,—the master knows.

Fédor Iványch. Yes, about the purchase of the land.

Yes, yes. He has a guest just now. You tell them to wait.

Porter. Where shall they wait?

Fédor Iványch. Let them wait in the courtyard. I will send for them. (Porter exit.)

 

Scene XV. Fédor Iványch, Tánya, followed by three peasants, Grigóri, and Messenger.

Tánya. To the right. This way, this way!

Fédor Iványch. I have ordered you not to let them in.

Grigóri. There you have it, hussy!

Tánya. It will not harm, Fédor Iványch! They will stand at the very edge.

Fédor Iványch. They will bring in dirt.

Tánya. They have cleaned their shoes, and I will clean up. (To the peasants.) You stand here!

(Enter the peasants, carrying presents in kerchiefs: white loaves, eggs, towels. They are trying to find something to cross themselves by. Cross themselves at the staircase, bow to Fédor Iványch, and take a firm stand.)

Grigóri (to Fédor Iványch). Fédor Iványch! They say that Pironet's half-shoes are the latest fashion, but this fellow has better ones! (Pointing to the Third Peasant in bast shoes.)

Fédor Iványch. You must always make fun of people. (Grigóri exit.)

 

Scene XVI. Tánya, Fédor Iványch, Messenger, and three peasants.

Fédor Iványch (rising and walking over to the peasants). So you are from Kursk, and have come in regard to the purchase of the land?

First Peasant. Yes, sir. It originates, you may take it, in regard to the accomplishment of the land purchase that we are here. Can't you announce us?

Fédor Iványch. Yes, yes, I know, I know. Wait here, I will announce you at once. (Exit.)

 

Scene XVII. Tánya, Messenger, and three peasants. Vasíli Leonídych (behind the scene). The peasants look around, not knowing what to do with their presents.

First Peasant. Where, then, so to speak, I do not know what to call it, is the thing to put it on? Let us do it according to regulations. Can't you let us have a dish, or something?

Tánya. Immediately, immediately. Let me have them; in the meanwhile I will place them here. (Puts the presents on a small sofa.)

First Peasant. Of what standing, for example, is the worthy one who came up to us?

Tánya. It is the vally.

First Peasant. That's simple enough,—volly. This means that he is, so to speak, in charge of things— (To Tánya.) And you, for example, are also in the service?

Tánya. I am a chambermaid. I am myself from Démen. I know you and you, only this uncle I do not know. (Pointing to the Third Peasant.)

Third Peasant. These you have recognized, and can't you recognize me?

Tánya. Are you Efím Antónych?

First Peasant. In rivality.

Tánya. And are you Semén's father, Zákhar Trifónych?

Second Peasant. Correct!

Third Peasant. And I am, you know, Mítri Chilíkin. Do you recognize me now?

Tánya. Now I know you, too.

Second Peasant. Whose are you?

Tánya. I am the orphan child of Aksínya, the soldier's widow.

First and Third Peasants (in wonderment). Well!

Second Peasant. Not in vain they say: Pay a penny for a pig, put him in the rye, and he will grow big.

First Peasant. In rivality. Something like a mamzelle.

Third Peasant That's so. O Lord!

Vasíli Leonídych (rings the bell behind the scene, and then cries). Grigóri! Grigóri!

First Peasant. Who is disturbing you so much, for example?

Tánya. This is the young master.

Third Peasant. O Lord! He said we had better wait on the outside. (Silence.)

Second Peasant. Is Semén going to marry you?

Tánya. Has he written you about it? (Covers herself with the apron.)

Second Peasant. You see he has! He is not doing right. I see the lad is getting spoiled.

Tánya (lively). No, he is not at all spoiled. Shall I send him to you?

Second Peasant. What is the use of sending for him? There will be plenty of time!

(There are heard the desperate cries of Vasíli Leonídych: "Grigóri, the devil take you!")

Scene XVIII. The same and (in the door) Vasíli Leonídych (in shirt, putting on his eye-glasses).

Vasíli Leonídych. Are they all dead?

Tánya. He is not here, Vasíli Leonídych— I will send him at once. (Goes toward the door.)

Vasíli Leonídych. I hear some voices here. Who are these scarecrows? Eh?

"THE PEASANTS PICK UP THE PRESENTS AND STRIKE AN ATTITUDE"

Tánya. These are peasants from the Kursk village, Vasíli Leonídych!

Vasíli Leonídych (to the messenger). And who is that? Oh, yes, from Bourdier!

(The peasants bow. Vasíli Leonídych pays no attention to them. Grigóri meets Tánya at the door. Tánya remains.)

 

Scene XIX. The same and Grigóri.

Vasíli Leonídych. I told you the other shoes! I cannot wear these!

Grigóri. The others are standing there, too.

Vasíli Leonídych. Where?

Grigóri. In the same place.

Vasíli Leonídych. You are lying.

Grigóri. You will see for yourself. (Vasíli Leonídych and Grigóri exeunt.)

 

Scene XX. Tánya, three peasants, and Messenger.

Third Peasant. Maybe, let me say, it is not time now, and we had better go to our lodging and wait awhile.

Tánya. No, never mind, just wait. I will bring you at once some plates for the presents. (Exit.)

 

Scene XXI. The same, Sakhátov, Leoníd Fédorovich, followed by Fédor Iványch.

(The peasants pick up the presents and strike an attitude.)

Leoníd Fédorovich (to the peasants). In a minute, in a minute, just wait! (To the messenger.) And who is this?

Messenger. From Bourdier.

Leoníd Fédorovich. Ah, from Bourdier.

Sakhátov (smiling). I do not deny. But you will admit that, not having seen all that of which you speak, it is hard for one of our kind, who are not initiated in the matter, to believe it.

Leoníd Fédorovich. You say you cannot believe it. But we do not even demand faith. We demand that you investigate it. How can I help not believing in this ring? I received my ring from there.

Sakhátov. From there? From where?

Leoníd Fédorovich. From the other world. Yes.

Sakhátov (smiling). Very interesting! Very interesting!

Leoníd Fédorovich. Granted, you think that I am easily carried away, that I imagine that which is not; but Aleksyéy Vladímirovich Krugosvyétlov is not so easily to be brushed aside,—he is a professor, and he acknowledges all that. Nor is he alone in this. And Crooks? And Wallace?

Sakhátov. I do not deny. All I say is that it is very interesting. It would be interesting to know how Krugosvyétlov explains it.

Leoníd Fédorovich. He has a theory of his own. Come to see us this evening. At first Grossman will—you know he is a famous mind-reader.

Sakhátov. Yes, I have heard of him, but have never had a chance of seeing him.

Leoníd Fédorovich. So come! At first Grossman, and then Kápchich, and our mediumistic séance—(To Iványch). Has the messenger come back from Kápchich?

Fédor Iványch. Not yet.

Sakhátov. How am I to find out?

Fédor Iványch. Come, come all the same! If Kápchich will not come, we will find another medium. Márya Ignátevna is a medium, not so strong as Kápchich, but still a medium.

 

Scene XXII. The same and Tánya (coming with the plates for the presents. Listening to the conversation).

Sakhátov (smiling). Yes, yes. Here is a circumstance that puzzles me: why are the mediums always from what we would call the educated class? Both Kápchich and Márya Ignátevna. If it is a special power they possess, it ought to be met with everywhere, even among peasants.

Leoníd Fédorovich. And so it is. This occurs quite often we have a peasant in our house who has proved to be a medium. The other day we called him in during the séance. It was necessary to move a divan, and we had all forgotten about him. He had evidently fallen asleep. And just imagine: our séance was over, Kápchich awoke, and suddenly we noticed mediumistic manifestations in the other corner of the room, near the peasant,—the table moved.

Tánya (aside). That was when I crawled out from under the table.

Leoníd Fédorovich. Apparently he, too, is a medium,—the more so since he resembles Hume in face— Do you remember Hume? The naïve blond.

Sakhátov (shrugging his shoulders). I declare! This is very interesting. Then you ought to test him.

Leoníd Fédorovich. We are testing him. But he is not the only one. There are no end of mediums. We simply do not know them. Only the other day a sickly old woman moved a stone wall.

Sakhátov. Moved a stone wall?

Leoníd Fédorovich. Yes, yes. She was lying in bed and did not at all know that she was a medium. She pressed her hand against the wall, and the wall gave way.

Sakhátov. And did not cave in?

Leoníd Fédorovich. And did not cave in.

Sakhátov. Strange— Well, I will be here in the evening.

Leoníd Fédorovich. Do come! There will be a séance in any case.

(Sakhátov puts on his overcoat. Leoníd Fédorovich sees him out.)

 

Scene XXIII. The same, without Sakhátov.

Messenger (to Tánya). Tell the lady! Am I to stay here overnight?

Tánya. Wait a little! She is going to drive out with the young lady, and so she will be out soon. (Exit.)

 

Scene XXIV. The same, without Tánya.

Leoníd Fédorovich (walks over to the peasants. The peasants bow and offer him the presents). There is no need of that!

First Peasant (smiling). This originates from our first duty. Thus even the Commune has ordered us.

Second Peasant. This is the proper thing.

Third Peasant. Don't mention it! Because we are very much satisfied— As our parents, let me say, served your parents, even thus we wish with all our hearts, and not merely— (Bows.)

Leoníd Fédorovich. What is it? What is it you want?

First Peasant. We have come to your Grace, so to speak.

 

Scene XXV. The same and Petríshchev (quickly runs in in his overcoat).

Petríshchev. Is Vasíli Leonídych up? (Seeing Leonid Fédorovich, he bows to him with his head only.)

Leoníd Fédorovich. Are you going to my son?

Petríshchev. I? Yes, I want to see Vovó for a minute.

Leoníd Fédorovich. Go on, go on!

(Petríshchev takes off his overcoat and walks away rapidly.)

 

Scene XXVI. The same, without Petríshchev.

Leoníd Fédorovich (to the peasants). Yes. Well, so what do you want?

Second Peasant. Accept our presents!

First Peasant (smiling). So to speak, the country prepositions.

Third Peasant. Don't even mention it! We greet you as a father. So, don't mention it!

Leoníd Fédorovich. Well— Fédor, receive these things!

Fédor Iványch. Well, give them to me! (Takes the presents.)

Leoníd Fédorovich. Now, what business is it?

First Peasant. We have come to your Grace.

Leoníd Fédorovich. I see you have come to see me. But what do you wish?

First Peasant. To make a motion in regard to the accomplishment of the sale of the land. It originates—

Leoníd Fédorovich. What is it? Are you buying land?

First Peasant. In rivality, it is so. It originates— So to speak in regard to the purchase of the proprietorship of land. Thus, for example, the Commune has inpowered us to enter it, so to speak, as is proper, through the government bank, with adhesion of a stamp of the legalized date.

Leoníd Fédorovich. That is, you wish to buy land through the bank,—am I right?

First Peasant. That is as you had made the preposition to us last year. It originates, so to speak, from the sum in its totality of 32,864 roubles for the purchase of the proprietorship of the land.

Leoníd Fédorovich. That is so. How about the pay?

First Peasant. In respect to the pay the Commune preposes, as has been said last year, to depone, so to speak, the reception of the cash, by the laws of the statutes, in the totality of four thousand roubles.

Second Peasant. That is, you will get four thousand now, and for the rest you are to wait.

Third Peasant (unrolling the money). You may be sure we will pawn ourselves, but we will not do, let me say, in any slipshod manner, but, let me say, so to speak, as is proper.

Leoníd Fédorovich. But I wrote to you that I should be willing only in case you had collected all the money.

First Peasant. This would, in rivality, be pleasanter, but it is not in the possibilities, so to speak.

Leoníd Fédorovich. I cannot help it.

First Peasant. The Commune, for example, has been relaying on your preposition of last year to depone the payment—

Leoníd Fédorovich. That was last year; then I was willing, but now I cannot—

Second Peasant. How is that? You had given us hope, and we had the paper written up, and the money collected.

Third Peasant. Have pity on us, father. Our land is small, there is not enough room to drive out a cow, nay, not even a chick, let me say. (Bows.) Don't sin, father! (Bows.)

Leoníd Fédorovich. I must say it is true that I was willing last year to postpone the payment, but something has happened—and so it is not convenient for me now.

Second Peasant. Without the land we shall have to give up living.

First Peasant. In rivality, without the land our domicility must weaken and ruin will originate.

Third Peasant (bowing). Father! The land is small: there is no place to drive out a cow, nay, not even a chick. Father, have pity on us! Accept the money, father!

Leoníd Fédorovich (in the meanwhile looks through the document). I understand. I should like to do you a kindness. Wait. I will give you an answer in half an hour— Fédor, tell them not to receive anybody.

Fédor Iványch. Very well. (Leonid Fédorovich exit.)

 

Scene XXVII. The same, without Leonid Fédorovich. (The peasants are downcast.)

Second Peasant. What a business! He says: "Hand us the whole amount!" Where shall we take it from?

First Peasant. If he had not given us hope last year. For we have, in rivality, been relaying on what he told us last year.

Third Peasant. O Lord! I had already unrolled the money. (Wraps up the money.) What are we going to do now?

Fédor Iványch. What is the matter with you?

First Peasant. Our business, honourable man, depends, for example, like this: he had preposed to us last year to depone the payments. The Commune met in opinion and inpowered us; and now, for example, he preposes to give him the whole sum in totality. But the business comes out impossibly.

Fédor Iványch. How much money is it?

First Peasant. The whole sum in entrance is four thousand roubles, so to speak.

Fédor Iványch. Well, hump yourselves and get some more!

First Peasant. We have collected this with difficulty. There is not enough powder for these considerations, sir.

Second Peasant. When there is none, you can't get it with your teeth.

Third Peasant. We should like to, but, we will say, we have swept this up with a broom, as it is.

 

Scene XXVIII. The same, Vasíli Leonídych, and Petríshchev (at the door, both with cigarettes).

Vasíli Leonídych. I told you I would try. I will do my level best. Ah, what?

Petríshchev. You must know that if you do not get it, the devil knows what a nasty affair it will be!

Vasíli Leonídych. I told you I would try, and I will. Ah, what?

Petríshchev. Nothing. I only say I want you to be sure and get it. I will wait. (Goes away, closing the door.)

 

Scene XXIX. The same, without Petríshchev.

Vasíli Leonídych (waving his hand). The devil knows what it is!

 

(The peasants bow.)

 

Vasíli Leonídych (looking at the messenger. To Fédor Iványch). Why don't you let off this man from Bourdier? He has come to stay here. Look there, he is asleep. Ah, what?

Fédor Iványch. He brought a note— He was told to wait until Anna Pávlovna would come out.

Vasíli Leonídych (looking at the peasants and gazing at the money). What is this,—money? For whom? Money for us? (To Fédor Iványch.) Who are these people?

Fédor Iványch. The Kursk peasants. They have come to buy land.

Vasíli Leonídych. Is it sold?

Fédor Iványch. No, they have not come to any agreement yet. They are stingy.

Vasíli Leonídych. Ah? I must persuade them. (To the peasants.) Well, are you buying, ah?

First Peasant. In rivality we prepose as to how to acquire the ownership of the possession of land.

Vasíli Leonídych. You must not be too stingy. You know, I will tell you how a peasant needs the land! Ah, what? Does he need it very much?

First Peasant. In rivality, the land is necessitous to a peasant, A number one. That is so.

Vasíli Leonídych. Well, then don't be so stingy. What is the land? You may sow the wheat in rows upon it. You can take three hundred puds, at a rouble a pud, which is three hundred roubles. Ah, what? And if you plant mint, you can skin a thousand roubles out of a desyatína, I tell you.

First Peasant. In rivality, this is complete,—all the produces may be advanced into action, if one has a comprehension.

Vasíli Leonídych. Then sow mint by all means. I have studied it. They print that way in books. I will show it to you. Ah, what?

First Peasant. In rivality, regardly this subject,—you can see better in books. It is intelligentness, so to speak.

Vasíli Leonídych. Buy it then, and don't be so stingy! Give the money! (To Fédor Iványch.) Where is papa?

Fédor Iványch. At home. He asked not to be disturbed now.

Vasíli Leonídych. Well, I suppose he is asking the spirit whether to sell the land or not. Ah, what?

Fédor Iványch. I can't say. I know that he went away in indecision.

Vasíli Leonídych. What do you think, Fédor Iványch, has he any money? Ah, what?

Fédor Iványch. I don't know. Hardly. Why do you want to know? You took a good slice of it last week!

Vasíli Leonídych. But I gave that away for the dogs. You know we have a new society: Petríshchev has been elected, and I have taken some money from Petríshchev, so I have to pay now for him and for myself. Ah, what?

Fédor Iványch. What kind of a new society is it? Of bicyclists?

Vasíli Leonídych. No. I will tell you in a minute: it is a new society. Let me tell you, a very serious society. And do you know who is the president of it? Ah, what?

Fédor Iványch. What does this new society consist in?

Vasíli Leonídych. A society for the encouragement of breeding ancient Russian stout-bodied dogs. Ah, what? Let me tell you: to-day is the first meeting and a lunch. And I have no money. I will go to him, and will try. (Exit through the door.)

 

Scene XXX. The peasants, Fédor Iványch, and Messenger.

First Peasant (to Fédor Iványch). Honourable man, who is this?

Fédor Iványch (smiling). The young gentleman.

Third Peasant. The heir, let us say. O Lord! (Hides the money.) I had better put it away in time.

First Peasant. We were told that he was a military man, in the meritoriousness of the cavalry, for example.

Fédor Iványch. No. Being an only son, he is free from military service.

Third Peasant. He is left to take care of his parents, let us say. That is regular.

Second Peasant (shaking his head). Nice care he will take of them!

Third Peasant. O Lord!

 

Scene XXXI. Fédor Iványch, three peasants, Vasíli Leonídych, and (after him at the door) Leoníd Fédorovich.

Vasíli Leonídych. It is always that way. Really it is wonderful. At first they say that I have no occupation, and when I find an activity and am busy,―a serious society has been founded pursuing noble aims,—you begrudge me some paltry three hundred roubles!

Leoníd Fédorovich. I told you I could not, and that is the end of it. I have none.

Vasíli Leonídych. But you have sold the land!

Leoníd Fédorovich. In the first place, I have not sold it; and, above everything else, leave me in peace! You were told that I was busy. (Slams the door.)

 

Scene XXXII. The same, without Leoníd Fédorovich.

Fédor Iványch. I told you this was not the time for it.

Vasíli Leonídych. I tell you this is a bad business for me, ah? I will go to mamma,—this will be my only salvation. He is raving with his spiritualism, and is forgetting everybody. (Goes up-stairs. Fédor Iványch sits down to read his paper.)

 

Scene XXXIII. The same. Betsy and Márya Konstantínovna come down-stairs, followed by Grigóri.

Betsy. Is the carriage ready?

Grigóri. It is driving up.

Betsy (to Márya Konstantínovna). Come, come! I saw that it was he!

Márya Konstantínovna. What he?

Betsy. You know very well that it is Petríshchev.

Márya Konstantínovna. Where is he?

Betsy. He is sitting in Vovó's room. You will see yourself.

Márya Konstantínovna. But suppose it is not he? (The peasants and the messenger bow.)

Betsy (to the messenger). Ah, you are from Bourdier, with the dress?

Messenger. Yes, madam. May I go now?

Betsy. I do not know. This is for mamma.

Messenger. I do not know for whom. I was ordered to bring it here and get the money for it.

Betsy. Well, then wait!

Márya Konstantínovna. Is this the same costume for the charade?

Betsy. Yes, a superb costume! But mamma does not take it, and does not wish to pay for it.

Márya Konstantínovna. Why?

Betsy. You ask mamma. For Vovo's dogs it is not too much to pay five hundred roubles, but for a dress one hundred is too much. I certainly can't play as a scarecrow! (To the peasants.) Who are these?

Grigóri. Peasants. They have come to buy some land.

Betsy. I thought they were hunters. Are you not hunters?

First Peasant. Not by any means, madam. We are here in regard to the accomplishment of the sale of the transfer of the land. We came to see Leoníd Fédorovich.

Betsy. But how is that? I am sure hunters were to come for Vovó. Truly, you are no hunters? (The peasants keep silent.) How stupid they are! (Walks over to the door.) Vovó! (Laughs.)

Márya Konstantínovna. We met him just a little while ago.

Betsy. Who asks you to remember that? Vovó, are you here?

 

Scene XXXIV. The same and Petríshchev.

Petríshchev. Vovó is not here, but I am ready to do all that is expected of him. Good morning! Good morning, Márya Konstantínovna! (For a long time firmly presses Betsy's and then Márya Konstantinovna's hand.)

Second Peasant. I declare, he looks as though he were pumping water!

Betsy. You can't take his place, but still you are better than nothing. (Laughing.) What kind of business have you with Vovó?

Petríshchev. Business? Fi-nancial business, that is, our business is fie! and at the same time nancial, besides being financial.

Betsy. What do you mean by nancial?

Petríshchev. That is the question! The trick is it does not mean anything!

Betsy. Now, that was not a success, not at all! (Laughs.)

Petríshchev. You can't make it a success every time. It is like a raffle. At first it is nothing, and again nothing, and then there is a prize.

(Fédor Iványch walks into the cabinet of Leoníd Fédorovich.)

 

Scene XXXV. The same without Fédor Iványch.

Betsy. This was not a success. Tell me, were you yesterday at the Mergasóvs'?

Petríshchev. Not so much at mère Gassof as at père Gassof, and not even père Gassof as fils Gassof.

Betsy. Can't you get along without puns? It is a disease. Were there any gipsies there? (Laughs.)

Petríshchev (sings). "Birds upon her apron fair, golden combs upon her hair!"

Betsy. How fortunate you are! It was so dull for us at Fofo's.

Petríshchev (continuing to chant). "And she swore most solemnly, she would stay—"What is the rest? Márya Konstantínovna, what is the rest?

Márya Konstantínovna. "An hour with me—"

Petríshchev. How? How is it, Márya Konstantínovna? (Laughs.)

Betsy. Cessez, vous devenez impossible!

Petríshchev. J'ai cessé, j'ai bébé, j'ai dédé—

Betsy. I see only one means of getting rid of your puns, and that is to make you sing. Let us go to Vovó's room! There is a guitar there. Come, Márya Konstantínovna, come!

(Betsy, Márya Konstantínovna, and Petrishchev walk into the room of Vasíli Leonídych.)

 

Scene XXXVI. Grigóri, three peasants, and Messenger.

First Peasant. Who are these people?

Grigóri. One is the young lady, and the other a mamzelle who teaches music.

First Peasant. She promotes into science, so to speak. And how accurate she is, a regular portrait!

Second Peasant. Why don't they marry them off? They are advanced in years, it seems. Grigóri. You expect them to marry at fifteen, as with you?

First Peasant. And the man, for example, is a musicianist?

Grigóri (mocking him). A musicianist! You do not understand a thing!

First Peasant. This is, in rivality, our stupidity, so to speak, our ignorance.

Third Peasant. O Lord!

(Gipsy songs accompanied with a guitar are heard in Vasili Leonidych's room.)

 

Scene XXXVII. Grigóri, three peasants, Messenger. Enter Semén and, after him, Tánya. (Tánya watches the meeting of father and son.)

Grigóri (to Semén). What do you want?

Semén. I was sent to Mr. Kápchich's.

Grigóri. Well?

Semén. He gave me the oral message that he could not come under any consideration.

Grigóri. All right. I will report so. (Exit.)

 

Scene XXXVIII. The same, without Grigóri.

Semén (to his father). You are welcome, father! My respects to Uncle Efím and Uncle Mítri! All well at home?

Second Peasant. Welcome, Semén!

First Peasant. Welcome, friend!

Third Peasant. Welcome, lad! Doing well?

Semén (smiling). Well, father, come and have some tea with me!

Second Peasant. Wait till we get through here. Don't you see we are busy?

Semén. Very well, I will wait near the steps. (Exit.)

Tánya (running after him). Why did you not say anything?

Semén. How could I say anything in presence of people? Give me a chance! I will tell him at tea. (Exit.)

 

Scene XXXIX. The same, without Semén. (Fédor Iványch comes out and sits down near the window with his newspaper.)

First Peasant. Well, honourable man, how does our affair originate?

Fédor Iványch. Wait! He will be out soon, he is getting through.

Tánya (to Fédor Iványch). How do you know he is getting through?

Fédor Iványch. I know, because when he gets through with a question he reads aloud the question and the answer.

Tánya. Is it true that you can talk with spirits by means of the saucer?

Fédor Iványch. It seems so.

Tánya. Will he sign if they tell him to?

Fédor Iványch. Of course, he will.

Tánya. But they don't talk with words?

Fédor Iványch. No, by means of the alphabet. He notices opposite what letter it stops.

Tánya. Well, and if a séance?

 

Scene XL. The same and Leoníd Fédorovich.

Leoníd Fédorovich. Well, my friends, I can't. I should like to very much, but I can't by any means. If you had all the money, it would be different.

First Peasant. Nothing would be better in rivality. But the people are not well-to-do, they can't do it.

Leoníd Fédorovich. I can't, I can't by any means. Here is your paper. I can't sign it.

Third Peasant. Father, pity us, take mercy on us!

Second Peasant. Why do you do so? This is an offence.

Leoníd Fédorovich. There is no offence meant, friends. I told you then, in the summer, "If you want to, all right!" You did not want to, and now I cannot.

Third Peasant. Father, have mercy on us! How are we to live? The land is small: there is not enough room to drive out a cow, nay, a chick, let me say. (Leoníd Fédorovich walks away and stops in the door.)

 

Scene XLI. The same, Anna Pávlovna, and Doctor, descending the stairs. Followed by Vasíli Leonídych, in a happy and playful frame of mind, putting the money into his pocketbook.

Anna Pávlovna (tightly laced, wearing a hat). So shall I take them?

Doctor. Take them if the symptoms are repeated. Above everything else, conduct yourself properly. How can you expect thick syrup to pass through a capillary tube, especially if you compress that tube? Impossible! Just so it is with the biliary ducts. This is all very simple.

Anna Pávlovna. Well, all right, all right.

Doctor. You say it is all right, and go on as of old. Madam, you can't do it, you can't. Well, goodbye!

Anna Pávlovna. Not good-bye, but au revoir. I shall be waiting for you in the evening,—without you I sha'n't risk it. Doctor. Very well, very well. If I have time, I will call. (Exit.)

 

Scene XLII. The same, without Doctor.

Anna Pávlovna (seeing the peasants). What is this? What is this? What kind of people are these? (Peasants bow.)

Fédor Iványch. These are peasants from the Kursk estate: they have come to see Leoníd Fédorovich about the purchase of some land.

Anna Pávlovna. I see that they are peasants. But who has admitted them?

Fédor Iványch. Leoníd Fédorovich has ordered them to come. Leoníd Fédorovich has just been talking with them about the sale of the land.

Anna Pávlovna. What sale? There is no need of selling it. Above everything else, how could you let the people from the street straight into the house? How could you let people in from the street? People that sleep God knows where must not be admitted to the house— (Becoming ever more excited.) The folds of their dresses are full of all kinds of microbes: of scarlet fever microbes, of smallpox microbes, of diphtheria microbes! They are from Kursk, from the Government of Kursk, where there is an epidemic of diphtheria!—Doctor, doctor! Bring back the doctor!

(Leoníd Fédorovich goes away, closing the door. Grigóri exit for the doctor.)

 

Scene XLIII. The same, without Leoníd Fédorovich and Grigóri.

Vasíli Leonídych (smoking into the peasants' faces). Never mind, mamma! If you want to, I will fumigate them so that all the microbes will give up their ghost. Ah, what?

(Anna Pávlovna keeps strict silence, awaiting the return of the doctor.)

Vasíli Leonídych (to the peasants). Do you fatten pigs? That is profitable!

First Peasant. In rivality, we now and then let loose on the pig business.

Vasíli Leonídych. Like this—yoo, yooó. (Grunts like a young pig.)

Anna Pávlovna. Vovó, Vovó! Stop!

Vasíli Leonídych. Is it correct? Ah, what?

First Peasant. In rivality, there is similarity.

Anna Pávlovna. Vovó, stop, I tell you!

Second Peasant. What is that for?

Third Peasant. I told you we had better stay in our lodging—

 

Scene XLIV. The same, Doctor, and Grigóri.

Doctor. What is it again? What?

Anna Pávlovna. You tell me not to be agitated. How can I be calm? I have not seen my sister for two months; I beware of every suspicious visitor,—and suddenly these people come from Kursk,—straight from Kursk, where there is an epidemic of diphtheria,—and straight into my house!

Doctor. You refer to these good fellows?

Anna Pávlovna. Yes, straight from a locality where there is diphtheria!

Doctor. Of course, if they come from a diphtheria centre, it is careless, but there is no cause for agitation.

Anna Pávlovna. But you yourself prescribe caution!

Doctor. Yes, yes, but there is no cause for being so agitated.

Anna Pávlovna. But there will have to be a complete disinfection.

Doctor. No, not complete,—that is too expensive, something like three hundred roubles, and even more. But I will fix it cheaply and just as efficaciously. To a big bottle of water take—

Anna Pávlovna. Boiled water?

Doctor. Makes no difference. Boiled water is better. To a bottle of water take a tablespoon of salicylic acid, and have them wash everything which they have touched, and the good fellows, of course, must be sent away. That is all. Then you need have no fear. Sprinkle two or three glasses of the same composition through the air by means of the atomizer, and you will see how good it will all be. It is quite harmless!

Anna Pávlovna. Where is Tánya? Call Tánya!

 

Scene XLV. The same and Tánya.

Tánya. What do you wish?

Anna Pávlovna. Do you know the big bottle in the boudoir?

Tánya. From which they have been sprinkling on the laundress yesterday?

Anna Pávlovna. Yes, yes. What else could I mean? Take this bottle and wash out first the place where they are standing with soap and then with that—

Tánya. Yes, madam. I know how.

Anna Pávlovna. Then take the atomizer— Still, I will be back and will do it myself.

Doctor. Do as I tell you, and have no fear! Well, good-bye, until the evening. (Exit.)

 

Scene XLVI. The same, without Doctor.

Anna Pávlovna. And drive them out, so that their breath even shall not be here! Get out, get out! Go! What are you waiting for?

First Peasant. In rivality, we, in our foolishness, as it preposes—

Grigóri (taking the peasants out). Come now, come now!

Second Peasant. Give me my kerchief!

Third Peasant. O Lord! I told you that we ought to have gone in the meanwhile to our lodging. (Grigóri pushes them out.)

 

Scene XLVII. Anna Pávlovna, Grigóri, Fédor Iványch, Tánya, Vasíli Leonídych, and Messenger.

Messenger (having made several attempts at saying something.) Will there be any answer?

Anna Pávlovna. Ah, this is from Bourdier? (Excitedly.) Not any, not any, and take it back! I told her I had not ordered any such costume, and I will not allow my daughter to wear it.

Messenger. I can't help it. I was sent.

Anna Pávlovna. Go, go, and take it back! I will call there myself.

Vasíli Leonídych (solemnly). Mr. Ambassador from Bourdier, go!

Messenger. You might have said so long ago. I have been sitting here five hours.

Vasíli Leonídych. Emissary of Bourdier, go!

Anna Pávlovna. Please, stop! (Messenger exit.)

 

Scene XLVIII. The same, without Messenger.

Anna Pávlovna. Betsy! Where is she? I am eternally having to wait for her!

Vasíli Leonídych (yells at the top of his voice). Betsy! Petríshchev! Come quick! Quick! Quick! Ah, what?

 

Scene XLIX. The same, Petríshchev, Betsy, and Márya Konstantínovna.

Anna Pávlovna. I am eternally having to wait for you.

Betsy. On the contrary, it is I who have been waiting for you. (Petríshchev bows with his head only and kisses Anna Pávlovna's hand.)

Anna Pávlovna. Good morning! (To Betsy.) You always answer back!

Betsy. If you are not in good humour, mother, I prefer not to drive out.

Anna Pávlovna. Are we going or not?

Betsy. Yes, let us go! What is to be done?

Anna Pávlovna. Have you seen the costume from Bourdier?

Betsy. I have, and I like it very much. I ordered the costume, and I will put it on, when it is paid for.

Anna Pávlovna. I will not pay for it, and I will not permit you to put on an indecent costume.

Betsy. What has made it indecent all at once? At first it was proper, and now you are prudish—

Anna Pávlovna. Not prudish, but you will have to get the whole waist made over, and then you may.

Betsy. Mamma, really, that can't be done!

Anna Pávlovna. Well, put on your wraps! (They sit down. Grigóri puts on their overshoes.)

Vasíli Leonídych. Márya Konstantínovna! Do you see what emptiness there is in the antechamber?

Márya Konstantínovna. Why? (Laughs in advance.)

Vasíli Leonídych. The fellow from Bourdier has gone. Ah, what? Is it good? (Roars.)

Anna Pávlovna. Well, let us go! (Goes out through the door and immediately comes back.) Tánya!

Tánya. What do you wish?

Anna Pávlovna. Don't let Fifi catch cold while I am away! If it asks to be let out, be sure and put on the yellow capote. It is not very well.

Tánya. Yes, madam. (Anna Pávlovna, Betsy, and Grigóri exeunt.)

 

Scene L. Petríshchev, Vasíli Leonídych, Tánya, and Fédor Iványch.

Petríshchev. Well, did you get it?

Vasíli Leonídych. Let me tell you, I got it with difficulty. At first I approached my male parent,—he bellowed and kicked me out. Then I went to my maternal parent,—and I got it! Here it is! (Slaps his pocket.) When I undertake a thing, they don't get away from me,—it's a dead grip. Ah, what? They will bring my wolf-dogs to-day?

(Petríshchev and Vasíli Leonídych put on their wraps and exeunt. Tánya follows them.)

Scene LI. Fédor Iványch (alone).

Fédor Iványch. Yes, nothing but unpleasantness. How can they live in such discord? I must say the younger generation is not exactly right. And the rule of the women? When lately Leoníd Fédorovich wanted to interfere and saw that she was in ecstasy, he slammed the door. He is a man of rare kindness! Yes, of rare kindness— What is that? Is Tánya bringing them in again?

 

Scene LII. Fédor Iványch, Tánya, and the three peasants.

Tánya. Go, go, uncle, never mind!

Fédor Iványch. Why did you bring them in again?

Tánya. But, Fédor Iványch, we must do something for them. I will wash it all off later.

Fédor Iványch. I see, nothing will come of it.

First Peasant. How, honourable man, are we to introduce our affair into action? You, your Honour, intercede for us, and we will be able to represent gratitude in full from the Commune as a reward for the trouble.

Third Peasant. Try, little falcon,—we can't get along without it. The land is small, and there is not room enough to let out a cow, nay, not even a chick, let me say. (Bows.)

Fédor Iványch. I am sorry for you, friends, but I do not know how to do it. I understand it all very well,—but he has refused. How is it to be done now? And the lady does not consent, either. Hardly! Well, let me have the paper,—I will go and try. I will ask him. (Exit.)

 

Scene LIII. Tánya and the three peasants (sighing).

Tánya. Uncles, tell me what the matter now is.

First Peasant. If only we could get the signature of the application of his hand!

Tánya. You want the master to sign the paper, yes?

First Peasant. We want him to apply his hand to the paper, and take the money,—and that would be the solution.

Third Peasant. If he only wrote down: "As the peasants wish, let me say, so, let me say, I, too, wish." And that would be all: he would sign it, and—the end of it.

Tánya. Only to sign it? All you want is for the master to sign? (In thought.)

First Peasant. In rivality, the whole affair depends on it: he signs, so to speak, and no more of it.

Tánya. Wait and let us hear what Fédor Iványch has to say. If he cannot persuade him, I will try a trick.

First Peasant. You will trick him?

Tánya. I will try.

Third Peasant. Oh, the girl wants to intercede for us? You get our request granted, and, let me say, we will agree to take care of you at the Commune's charge. That's it.

First Peasant. If this affair will be introduced into action, in rivality, we can pay you with gold.

Second Peasant. Of course!

Tánya. I can't promise for sure. As the proverb says: a trial is no joke, and—

First Peasant. And a request is no misfortune. That is so in rivality.

 

Scene LIV. The same and Fédor Iványch.

Fédor Iványch. No, my friends, you will not succeed. He does not consent, and he will not. Take your paper! Go, go!

First Peasant (takes the paper to Tánya). So, for example, we will be relaying on you.

Tánya. In a minute, in a minute. Go and wait in the street for me! I will be there at once, and I will tell you something. (Peasants exeunt.)

 

Scene LV. Fédor Iványch and Tánya.

Tánya. Fédor Iványch, my dear, please ask the master to come out for a minute. I have to tell him a word or two.

Fédor Iványch. What news is this?

Tánya. It is important, Fédor Iványch. Ask him, Fédor Iványch! There is nothing bad about it, upon my word!

Fédor Iványch (smiling). I can't understand what you are up to! Yes, I will tell him, I will. (Exit.)

 

Scene LVI. Tánya (alone).

Tánya. Really, I will do it. He said himself that there is a power in Semén, and I know how to do it all. Nobody caught on then. Now I will teach Semén how to do it. And if it does not succeed, there will be no sin in doing it. There is no sin in doing it.

 

Scene LVII. Tánya, Leoníd Fédorovich followed by Fédor Iványch.

Leoníd Fédorovich (smiling). So you have a request to make! What kind of an affair have you?

Tánya. A little secret, Leoníd Fédorovich. Permit me to tell it to you in private.

Leoníd Fédorovich. Indeed! Fédor, go out for a minute!

 

Scene LVIII. Leoníd Fédorovich and Tánya.

Tánya. As I have been living in your house, Leoníd Fédorovich, and have grown up here, and as I am grateful to you for so much, I will tell you everything, as if you were my own father. Semén, who is living in your house, wants to marry me.

Leoníd Fédorovich. Indeed?

Tánya. I will tell you everything, as before God. I am an orphan, and I have no one to consult—

Leoníd Fédorovich. Why not? He seems to be a nice fellow.

Tánya. Yes, he is. That would be all right, but I have fears about one thing. I should like to ask you about this matter: there is something about him which I cannot understand, and I am afraid it might be something bad.

Leoníd Fédorovich. What is it? He drinks?

Tánya. No, God forfend! But as I know that there is such a thing as spirituality—

Leoníd Fédorovich. You do?

Tánya. Of course I do! I understand it very well. Others, being ignorant, do not understand it—

Leoníd Fédorovich. Well, what of it?

Tánya. I have my fears about Semén. Such things happen with him.

Leoníd Fédorovich. What things?

Tánya. Something like spirituality. You ask the servants! The moment he falls asleep at the table the table begins to shake; it begins to creak like this: tick, ti-tick! All the people have heard it.

Leoníd Fédorovich. That's precisely what I told Sergyéy Ivánovich this morning. Well?

Tánya. So—when was it? Oh, yes, on Wednesday. We sat down to dinner. No sooner did he sit down than the spoon came right into his hand,—it just jumped into his hand.

Leoníd Fédorovich. Ah, this is interesting! It just jumped into his hand? Well, did he fall asleep?

Tánya. I did not notice. I think he did.

Leoníd Fédorovich. Well?

Tánya. Well, I am afraid there might be some harm from it, and so I wanted to ask you about it. I did not know whether I could risk it to live with him, because he has such a thing.

Leoníd Fédorovich (smiling). No, don't be afraid: there is no harm from it. This only means that he is a medium, simply a medium. I knew before that he was a medium.

Tánya. That's all. I was so afraid!

Leoníd Fédorovich. No, don't be afraid, it won't hurt. (Aside.) That is nice. Kápchich can't be here to-day, so we will test him— No, my dear, don't be afraid, he will make you a good husband, and all that. This is a special power which is in everybody,—only weaker in some, and stronger in others.

Tánya. Very much obliged to you. I sha'n't give it any thought now. But before, I was afraid. This comes from our ignorance!

Leoníd Fédorovich. No, no, don't be afraid! Fédor!

 

Scene LIX. The same and Fédor Iványch.

Leoníd Fédorovich. I am going away. Have everything ready for the séance this evening!

Fédor Iványch. But Kápchich cannot be here.

Leoníd Fédorovich. That does not matter. We will have it all the same. (Puts on his overcoat.) There will be a trial séance with our own medium. (Exit. Fédor Iványch sees him off.)

 

Scene LX. Tánya (alone).

Tánya. He believed me, he believed me! (Squeaks and leaps about.) Upon my word, he believed me! What a wonder! (Squeaks.) I will do it now, if only Semén is not shy.

 

Scene LXI. Tánya and Fédor Iványch (returning).

Fédor Iványch. Well, have you told him your secret?

Tánya. I have. I will tell it to you, too, only later. I have a request to make of you, Fédor Iványch.

Fédor Iványch. What request is it?

Tánya (abashed). You have been like a second father to me, and so I will tell you everything, as before God.

Fédor Iványch. Don't beat around the bush, but talk business!

Tánya. Business? Well, the business is that Semén wants to marry me.

Fédor Iványch. Indeed. I thought I noticed something.

Tánya. Why should I conceal it? I am an orphan, and you know yourself how it is here in the city: everybody annoys me with his attentions. Take, for example, Grigóri Mikháylych. He gives me no peace. They all think that I have no soul, that I am intended for a toy for them—

Fédor Iványch. You are clever,—I like that! Well, what of it?

Tánya. Semén wrote to his father, and when his father saw me to-day, he said that his son was spoilt—Fédor Iványch! (Bows.) Be in place of my father, and speak with the old man, with Semén's father. I will take them to the kitchen, if you will come there and talk with the old man.

Fédor Iványch (smiling). Oh, you mean to have me for a match-maker? I do not object.

Tánya. Dear Fédor Iványch, be in place of my father, and I will all my life pray to God for you.

Fédor Iványch. All right, all right, I will be there. I will do as I promise. (Takes the newspaper.)

Tánya. Be my second father!

Fédor Iványch. All right, all right!

Tánya. Then I will hope. (Exit.)

 

Scene LXII. Fédor Iványch (alone. Shaking his head).

Fédor Iványch. She is a good, kindly girl. When you think of it, how many of them get ruined! Let them make one false step, and down they go. Then you can't pick them out from the mire. Take, for example, dear Natálya. She was a nice girl, and a mother had borne and brought her up— (Takes his paper.) Well, Ferdinand, how is she getting on?

 

Curtain.