The Eighth Sin/On Reading some Testimonials

by Christopher Morley

ON READING SOME TESTIMONIALS.

(Dedicated to all Rhodes Scholars.)

My testimonial-writers fill (Intentionally inexact)The fauteuils nearest to the grill— The hottest seats are always packed.

Intentionally inexact They roast and crackle on the griddle,The hottest seats are always packed The frying fat sings like a fiddle.

They roast and crackle on the griddle They wrote me better than I am,The frying fat slugs like a fiddle I do not give a single d——n.

They wrote me better than I am Thus making me a good deal worse,They did not give a single d——n (Except when needed for the verse)

Thus making me a good deal worse They disappoint the bright-eyed donsExcept when needed for the verse They cannot tell their geese from swans.

They disappoint the bright-eyed dons Who beamed with glee in hopes to find(They cannot tell their geese from swans) The "sterling heart," the "radiant mind."

They beamed with glee in hopes to find— But all aghast in vain they seekThe "sterling heart," the "radiant mind" Whereof my testimonials speak.

All aghast in vain they seek, And finding I am not the sortWhereof my testimonials speak The dons have gone back to their port.

Finding I am not the sort, Their kindly zeal availing not,The dons have gone back to their port Feeling, perhaps, a trifle hot.

Their kindly zeal availing not The fauteuils nearest to the grill(Feeling, perhaps, a trifle hot) My testimonial-writers fill.