The Golden Ass of Apuleius/Chapter 23
THE TWENTY-THIRD CHAPTER
How Apuleius carried away the Gentlewoman, and how they were taken
againe by the theeves, and what a kind of death was invented for them.
Y and by the theeves came home laden with treasure, and many of them
which were of strongest courage (leaving behind such as were lame and
wounded, to heale and aire themselves) said they would returne backe
againe to fetch the rest of their pillage, which they had hidden in
a certaine cave, and so they snatched up their dinner greedily, and
brought us forth into the way and beate us before them with staves.
About night (after that we had passed over many hilles and dales) we
came to a great cave, where they laded us with mighty burthens, and
would not suffer us to refresh our selves any season but brought us
againe in our way, and hied so fast homeward, that what with their haste
and their cruell stripes, I fell downe upon a stone by the way side,
then they beate me pittifully in lifting me up, and hurt my right thigh
and my left hoofe, and one of them said, What shall we do with this lame
Ill favoured Asse, that is not worth the meate he eats? And other said,
Since the time that we had him first he never did any good, and I thinke
he came unto our house with evill lucke, for we have had great wounds
since, and losse of our valiant captaines, and other said, As soone as
he hath brought home his burthen, I will surely throw him out upon the
mountaine to be a pray for wild beasts: While these gentlemen reasoned
together of my death, we fortuned to come home, for the feare that I was
in, caused my feet to turne into wings: after that we were discharged
of our burthens, they went to their fellowes that were wounded, and
told them of our great tardity and slownesse by the way, neither was I
brought into small anguish, when I perceived my death prepared before
my face: Why standest thou still Lucius? Why dost thou not looke for
thy death? Knowst thou not that the theeves have ordained to slay thee?
seest thou not these sharpe and pointed flints which shall bruise and
teare thee in peeces, if by adventure thou happen upon them? Thy gentle
Magitian hath not onely given thee the shape and travell of an Asse, but
also a skinne so soft and tender as it were a swallow: why dost thou not
take courage and runne away to save thy selfe? Art thou afraid of the
old woman more then halfe dead, whom with a stripe of thy heele thou
maist easily dispatch? But whither shall I fly? What lodging shall I
seek? See my Assy cogitation. Who is he that passeth by the way and
will not take me up? While I devised these things, I brake the halter
wherewith I was tyed and ran away with all my force, howbeit I could not
escape the kitish eyes of the old woman, for shee ran after me, and with
more audacity then becommeth her kind age, caught me by the halter and
thought to pull me home: but I not forgetting the cruell purpose of the
theeves, was mooved with small pity, for I kicked her with my hinder
heeles to the ground and had welnigh slaine her, who (although shee was
throwne and hurled downe) yet shee held still the halter, and would not
let me goe; then shee cryed with a loud voyce and called for succour,
but she little prevayled, because there was no person that heard her,
save onely the captive gentlewoman, who hearing the voice of the old
woman, came out to see what the matter was, and perceiving her hanging
at the halter, tooke a good courage and wrested it out of her hand, and
(entreating me with gentle words) got upon my backe. Then I began
to runne, and shee gently kicked mee forward, whereof I was nothing
displeased, for I had as great a desire to escape as shee: insomuch
that I seemed to scowre away like a horse. And when the Gentlewoman
did speake, I would answere her with my neighing, and oftentimes (under
colour to rub my backe) I would sweetly kisse her tender feet. Then shee
fetching a sigh from the bottome of her heart, lifted up her eyes to the
heavens, saying: O soveraigne Gods, deliver mee if it be your pleasure,
from these present dangers: and thou cruell fortune cease thy wrath, let
the sorrow suffice thee which I have already sustained. And thou little
Asse, that art the occasion of my safety and liberty, if thou canst
once render me safe and sound to my parents, and to him that so greatly
desireth to have me to his wife, thou shalt see what thankes I will
give: with what honour I will reward thee, and how I will use thee.
First, I will bravely dresse the haires of thy forehead, and then will
I finely combe thy maine, I will tye up thy rugged tayle trimly, I will
decke thee round about with golden trappes, in such sort that thou shalt
glitter like the starres of the skie, I will bring thee daily in my
apron the kirnels of nuts, and will pamper thee up with delicates; I
will set store by thee, as by one that is the preserver of my life:
Finally, thou shalt lack no manner of thing. Moreover amongst thy
glorious fare, thy great ease, and the blisse of thy life, thou shalt
not be destitute of dignity, for thou shalt be chronicled perpetually in
memory of my present fortune, and the providence divine. All the whole
history shall be painted upon the wall of our house, thou shalt he
renowned throughout all the world. And it shall be registred in the
bookes of Doctours, that an Asse saved the life of a young maiden that
was captive amongst Theeves: Thou shalt be numbred amongst the ancient
miracles: wee beleeve that by like example of truth Phryxus saved
himselfe from drowning upon the Ram, Arion escaped upon a Dolphin, and
that Europa was delivered by the Bull. If Jupiter transformed himselfe
into a Bull, why may it not be that under the shape of this Asse, is
hidden the figure of a man, or some power divine? While that the Virgin
did thus sorrowfully unfold her desires, we fortuned to come to a place
where three wayes did meet, and shee tooke me by the halter, and would
have me to turne on the right hand to her fathers house: but I (knowing
that the theeves were gone that way to fetch the residue of their
pillage) resisted with my head as much as I might, saying within my
selfe: What wilt thou doe unhappy maiden? Why wouldst thou goe so
willingly to hell? Why wilt thou runne into destruction by meane of my
feet? Why dost thou seek thine own harme, and mine likewise? And while
we strived together whether way we might take, the theeves returned,
laiden with their pray, and perceived us a farre off by the light of the
Moon: and after they had known us, one of them gan say, Whither goe you
so hastely? Be you not afraid of spirits? And you (you harlot) doe you
not goe to see your parents? Come on, we will beare you company? And
therewithall they tooke me by the hatter, and drave me backe againe,
beating me cruelly with a great staffe (that they had) full of knobs:
then I returning againe to my ready destruction, and remembering the
griefe of my hoofe, began to shake my head, and to waxe lame, but he
that led me by the halter said, What, dost thou stumble? Canst thou not
goe? These rotten feet of thine ran well enough, but they cannot walke:
thou couldest mince it finely even now with the gentlewoman, that thou
seemedst to passe the horse Pegasus in swiftnesse. In saying of these
words they beat mee againe, that they broke a great staffe upon mee. And
when we were come almost home, we saw the old woman hanging upon a bow
of a Cipresse tree; then one of them cut downe the bowe whereon shee
hanged, and cast her into the bottome of a great ditch: after this
they bound the maiden and fell greedily to their victuals, which the
miserable old woman had prepared for them. At which time they began to
devise with themselves of our death, and how they might be revenged;
divers was the opinions of this divers number: the first said, that hee
thought best the Mayd should be burned alive: the second said she should
be throwne out to wild beasts: the third said, she should be hanged upon
a gibbet: the fourth said she should be flead alive: thus was the death
of the poore Maiden scanned betweene them foure. But one of the theeves
after every man had declared his judgement, did speake in this manner:
it is not convenient unto the oath of our company, to suffer you to waxe
more cruell then the quality of the offence doth merit, for I would that
shee should not be hanged nor burned, nor throwne to beasts, nor dye any
sodaine death, but by my council I would have her punished according to
her desert. You know well what you have determined already of this dull Asse, that eateth more then he is worth, that faineth lamenesse, and
that was the cause of the flying away of the Maid: my mind is that he
shall be slaine to morrow, and when all the guts and entrailes of his
body is taken out, let the Maide be sowne into his belly, then let us
lay them upon a great stone against the broiling heate of the Sunne, so
they shall both sustaine all the punishments which you have ordained:
for first the Asse shall be slaine as you have determined, and she shall
have her members torne and gnawn with wild beasts, when as she is bitten
and rent with wormes, shee shall endure the paine of the fire, when as
the broyling heat of the Sunne shall scortch and parch the belly of the
Asse, shee shall abide the gallows when the Dogs and Vultures shall
have the guts of her body hanging in their ravenous mouthes. I pray you
number all the torments which she shall suffer: First shee shall dwell
within the paunch of an Asse: secondly her nosethrilles shall receive a
carraine stinke of the beast: thirdly shee shall dye for hunger: last of
all, shee shall finde no meane to ridde her selfe from her paines, for
her hand shalt be sowen up within the skinne of the Asse: This being
said, all the Theeves consented, and when I (poore Asse) heard and
understood all their device, I did nothing else but lament and bewayle
my dead carkasse, which should be handled in such sort on the next
morrow.