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The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman/Volume 3/Chapter 15

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CHAP. XV.

Dr. Slop was within an ace of being an exception to all this argumentation: for happening to have his green bays bag upon his knees, when he began to parody my uncle Toby,—'twas as good as the best mantle in the world to him: for which purpose, when he foresaw the sentence would end in his new invented forceps, he thrust his hand into the bag in order to have them ready to clap in, where your reverences took so much notice of the ******, which had he managed,—my uncle Toby had certainly been overthrown: the sentence and the argument in that case jumping closely in one point, so like the two lines which form the salient angle of a raveline,—Dr. Slop would never have given them up;—and my uncle Toby would as soon thought of flying, as taking them by force: but Dr. Slop fumbled so vilely in pulling them out, it took off the whole effect, and what was a ten times worse evil (for they seldom come alone in this life) in pulling out his forceps, his forceps unfortunately drew out the squirt along with it.

When a proposition can be taken in two senses,—'tis a law in disputation That the respondent may reply to which of the two he pleases, or finds most convenient for hm.—This threw the advantage of the argument quite on my uncle Toby's side.—"Good God!" cried my uncle Toby, "are children brought into the world with a squirt?"