The Poetical Writings of Fitz-Greene Halleck/The King of the Doctors

by Fitz-Greene Halleck and Joseph Rodman Drake

THE KING OF THE DOCTORS.⁸⁵

ow stately yon palace uplifts its proud head,⁸⁶
Where Broadway and Barclay Street meet;
Abhorring its old-fashioned tunic of red,
It shines in the lustre of chromate of lead.
And its doors open—into the street!

No longer it rings to the merry sleigh-bells,
The steeds’ gallant neighings are o’er;
Instead of the pitchfork, we meet with scalpels,
And the throne of his medical majesty dwells
Where the horse-trough resided before.

Oh, David! how dreadful and dire was the note,
When Rebellion beleaguered the place,
When the bull-dog of discord unbolted his throat,
And the hot Digitalis⁸⁷ unbuttoned his coat,
And doubled his fist in your face!

Then Syncope seized thee; all wild with affright
The Lord Chamberlain cried “God defend ye!”
Mac⁸⁸ swung his shillelah in hopes of a fight,
While the brave Surgeon-General⁸⁹ exclaimed in delight,
“Pugnatum est arte medendi.”

But your wars are all ended, you’re now at your ease,
The Regents are bound for your debts;
You may fleece your poor students as much as you please,
Tax boldly, matriculate, double your fees,
You can pay off all scores in brevets.

So a health to your highness, and long may you reign,
O’er subjects obedient and true;
If the snaffle won’t hold them, apply the curb-rein;
And if ever they prance, or go backward again,
May you horsewhip them all black and blue!

D.