The Social War (novel)/Chapter 4
CHAPTER IV.
PAT O'CONNER BLARNEYS THE DEACON.
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HILST Deacon Rob Stew was conjuring up a lot
of shrewd deviltry, and preparing himself to
win to his heart the fine Lady Armington, an
other scene was being enacted in the house of
General Washington Armington.
Pat O'Conner, a peculiar disciple of the Roman Catholic Faith, was conspiring with Judy McCrea, both servants to General Armington, who hated Deacon Rob Stew with a bitter hatred; and their cunning plots to oust his deaconship were novel, and proved equally effectual when the time arrived for the fulfilment of their conniving.
As Deacon Stew was preparing to leave the bedside of Miss Lucinda Armington, Judy McCrea was relating to Pat O'Conner what a fancy the deacon had taken to her young lady, stating that Miss Lucinda despised the old hypocrite, when the following dialogue was held between the twain:
"Och! Judy, darlin', an' ye mane that dirty ould blackgard is in luv wid the purty Miss Armington?" said Pat O'Conner.
"An' shure I do," responded Judy McCrea.
"Be me sowl, I'll trap 'im, the squally old hypocret," said Pat.
"What will ye do to him, darlin' Pat? Be kereful of yerself, for the masther belaves him to be a parfect saint," replied Judy.
"Och, and ye nivir mind, but sind the ould curmudgon through the side doore, whin I'll plaster his nist for him. Mark, you kape dark on the matter," said Pat.
"I'll do it," responded Judy, and passed toward the bed chamber of Miss Armington; and who should she meet but the general and the deacon, on their way to the library.
They conversed for a moment, when Judy McCrea repaired to the library door and knocked, and, upon being asked in, she said, that Miss Lucinda desired her father to go to her as soon as possible, when the deacon was shown out by Judy through the side door, where another hypocrite—the faithful coachman, Pat O 'Conner was busily at work, who placed himself in such a position as to accidentally run against the deacon whilst the latter turned the corner of the house. Pat knocked the pious deacon under his chin, with the top of his head, sending the lover of Miss Armington reeling like a lightning-struck bull; and no sooner had the deacon recovered his balance than Pat humbly apologized:
"Och, murdher, yer honor, and I didn't mane to do it; will ye plaze to pardon an awkward Irishman? I whas a pullen up a big shtone out of the ground, whin I slipt, and fallen, struck yer honor," said Pat.
"I will pardon you for what you could not help doing," replied the deacon.
"Tanks, meny tanks; but, yer honor, how have ye found Miss Armington?" said Pat.
"Very much better, Pat," responded the deacon.
"Yer honor, plaze, if ye should not consider me imper tinent, I could tell ye somethin' ye ought fur to know," said Pat.
"Certainly, I would not consider it impertinent for you to tell me what I ought to know; but, I would be very grateful to you for telling me, and if it is of any value to me, I would cheerfully compensate you for it," replied the deacon.
"Yer honor, plaze do not mention compensation, fur I would sarve ye charefully, if I tought ye would kape it a sacret," said Pat, humiliatingly.
"Most certainly I shall keep anything secret that you propose to tell me as confidential; but what is it you have to tell me, I am anxious to know it?" ejaculated the deacon.
"I will tell yer honor, if ye tink it not too bould an' foolish; and if yer honor do hould it as silly, what I shall tell ye, an' ye will still kape it sacret will ye?" said Pat, looking sheepish.
The deacon responded impatiently: "Pat, I have told you before, that I would not divulge your secret, so speak it out like a good man, without hesitation."
"Well, yer honor, I have lamed lately that the Miss Lucinda Armington bees desparately in luv wid ye, an' she bees; yer honor will kape me sacret, will ye?" stammered Pat.
"Yes, yes, most profoundly secret; go on, and finish what you have to say," almost furiously ejaculated Deacon Stew. "On me sowl, ye will kape yer own counsel on this matter?" mumbled Pat.
"Patrick, you insult me by your prevarication; speak straight out, ancl don't be silly," said the deacon.
"I will, yer honor; an' do ye tink it, Miss Armington bees in great dishtress becase ye do not axe her to marry ye?" said Pat.
"I am confounded with delight," meditated the deacon, and continued aloud:
"Pat, how do you know all this? Who told you?"
"Och, an' don't me darlin, Judy McCrea, tell me awl aboot it; yis, an' what's more, the ould gintleman wants his daughter to set her cap fur that Mr. Juno chap, what has saved me young lady whin me horses runned away wid me, an' almost killed us all. Now, yer honor, that young man bees a grate man in the eyes of the gineral," said Pat.
"Curse that Juno," meditated the deacon, and mildly asked Pat:
"Do you think Miss Armington loves Mr. Juno?"
"Well, yer honor, ye must know that she luv yer honor; but then she be a fathful daughter; an' should the gineral persist in the incouragment of Mr. Juno, she might turn her affectins from ye to him," said Pat. The deacon was'almost frantic with delight about Miss Armington loving him at last; but, again, he was in agony about the general being favorable to this infernal Victor Juno. In sooth, the Irishman's conjuring proved effectual, in creating in the deacon renewed ambition to gain the hand of Miss Armington, whilst his determination to destroy Victor Juno was becoming more desperate.