The Sunless City/Chapter 20
An Artful Little Puss
A very severe frown darkened the King's brow as he observed his daughter caressing Flin, and it was very evident he was angered so as to be unable to speak his thoughts. The Princess was by no means confused, though her face reddened a little. She released Flin, and moving quickly towards her father she said with sweet simplicity, ---
"I am so glad, sire, you have come. This young male has been telling me his woes, and aroused my sympathy deeply, as I am sure yours will be when you have heard his trouble."
"Peace, child," cried the King. "I thought that you were gaining some wisdom, but, alas? I fear that you are just as giddy as ever."
"Ah, your Majesty, you judge me harshly," moaned the charming Princess, with a pretty pout. "I did but sympathise with the poor young barbarian. You know that my heart was never proof against a tale of woe."
"A tail, you jade," cried the enraged King, mistaking his daughter's meaning, "why do you mock me? the wretch is tailless, and therefore too inferior to perform even the most menial office for the daughter of a King. And yet I find you flirting with him in every way as if he were one of us. It is shocking, absolutely shocking and unpardonable."
"Dear King," sighed the artful Princess, as she gently wound her arms round his Majesty's neck. "Do not be angry with your little pet. She did but sport innocently with this funny being. He is such a novelty, you know, and so young too."
A smile spread over the old King's face, and he looked down proudly on the face of his daughter, whose head had drooped gracefully on his breast. "You are a naughty little child, Yobmot, to anger your father so."
"I will not do so any more, your Majesty."
"False promises, child, false promises, I fear. You have made them so often, only to break them again, that I am compelled to doubt."
"Believe me this time, your Majesty, for I am sincere."
"Well, well, it shall be as you desire. Ytidrusba informs me that you have a request to prefer, and I am here to hear it."
"Was ever girl blessed with such a dear parent?" remarked the Princess, as she playfully patted the King's cheek. "You are the very embodiment of wisdom and generosity."
"Cease your flattery, daughter, and let me know your wishes."
"I wish to plead for this miserable being, whose very wretchedness and misery should excite our pity. Dr. Yrekcauq would exhibit him as we have the alligators and other strange beasts shown for the gratification of the common people. However amusing such a show might be --- for no one can doubt that he is a most extraordinary and comical wretch --- I venture to think that it would be detrimental to the dignity of an enlightened and mighty people to make an exhibition of a creature who in some measure can claim kindredship with us."
The King was thoughtful. He bit his finger nails, and his daughter still fondled him, for she was a very artful young lady.
"Our exchequer is low, Ytidrusba, is it not?" he asked sadly.
"It is, your Majesty."
"That being so, we can replenish it well by showing this novel being in an iron cage, as some strange beast who bears an extraordinary resemblance to a pre-human being."
"Your Majesty will surely spare me such an indignity," chimed in Flin, who felt that he could no longer remain silent. "I am an American subject, and in the name of my Government I protest very strongly indeed. In the United States we are in the habit of treating aliens with the greatest amount of consideration and respect. I trust, therefore, that you will have some respect for my feelings. And in the event of your nation and mine ever being able to communicate with each other, you would find that any respect shown to me would be amply repaid."
The King burst into a loud and contemptuous laugh, in which Ytidrusba joined.
"I must give you credit for one thing at least," his Majesty observed, when he had recovered himself, "you have an astonishing amount of assurance, if not impudence. If you are a fair specimen of your countrymen --- and I take it that you are --- that land of yours must be a pretty warm place to live in. Are you aware, sir, that I am the mightiest monarch in all the world?"
"Are you indeed?" said Flin, ironically, "I was not aware of that interesting fact."
"Then know it now, and henceforth respect me. I have no doubt that the beings among whom you dwell have a very exalted notion of themselves. But possibly so have the smallest insects that crawl through our land. But you must remember that you are for ever stamped with the awful brand of degeneration, and that you belong to a fallen race. Save that you speak, you are no better than the wild animals in our woods. This may not be your fault, but conscious of your own littleness, you should not be guilty of presumption."
Flin was terribly annoyed at the old King's remarks, but he bowed gracefully and said with withering sarcasm, ---
"Your Majesty is undoubtedly a highly civilised and most polished gentleman, and the nation you honour by ruling over it must be a happy and mighty nation, indeed, with such a wise King to govern it. But, while in justice I admit this, I trust you will permit me to say that amongst the nations which dwell on the crust of the earth America stands preeminently the highest and most glorious. I guess it's a mighty tall nation and wants some licking. It can give points to every other nation on the crust of the earth, but of course it is not equal to your own kingdom."
The King smiled, for he liked flattery. It was a lucky speech of Flin's, and completely won the old monarch, whose vanity had been touched.
The Princess also was not slow to perceive the effect Flin's words had had upon her father; for she possessed all the keenness of a woman's penetration, and was a practised hand in the use of those cunning little artifices which are the weapons of the softer sex, and which are used with terrible effect on poor, weak men.
The charming Princess, seeing that His Majesty was moved by Flin Flon's appeal, determined to follow up .the advantage thus gained --- what a sly little puss she was, was she not? --- and so, caressing her parent very lovingly, she simpered, ---
"What a dear, dear delightful pa you are to be sure. Was ever girl so blessed as I? Heigho! I fear, pa dear, I am not so deserving of you affection as I ought to be, but then, you know, I am going to be ever so good in future."
"Humph!" murmured the King, and though his hairy face beamed with a pleasant smile, he looked suspiciously at his daughter as if he didn't quite believe all she said. But he patted her head, and observed, "Yobmot, you are an artful little dear. I know you want to wheedle your old father out of something. Come now, is it not so?"
"I declare this is too bad," cried the Princess, as she stamped her foot, and with an air of injured innocence drew back and pouted her lips. "It is really too bad," she repeated, pulling out a very large amber handkerchief and pressing it to her eyes. (Alas! woman's nature seems to be much alike in all worlds. We have no authentic accounts from the moon, but if there be female dwellers there, and it is very probable that there are, they no doubt are just as experienced in the value of tears as a most effective weapon against man's heart as their sublunary sisters. At any rate Princess Yobmot --- sly little minx --- knew their use too well.) Her loving and gentle sire drew the fair head to his broad chest, and toying with her locks, he said ---
"There, there, my pet, spoil not those pretty eyes with weeping."
But the naughty little thing only sobbed the more. So that the King caressed her still more tenderly, and whispered, "There, there, my darling, dry your tears. I did not mean to hurt your feelings so. Tell me what I can do for you. I promise that I will grant any reasonable request. I will really."
"Oh, you dear, kind, cruel, naughty, delightful old pa," suddenly exclaimed the Princess, at the same time smoothing her back hair, which had been ruffled by the King's arm, and having arranged her tresses, she kissed her father, and added, "You are so awfully nice." (The observant reader will note that the paradoxical style of expression, which is at once so pretty and so absurd, is by no means peculiar to the young ladies of the upper world, but seems to be general.) "I have only one little tiny favour to ask, and, after having wounded my feelings so terribly, you must grant it."
"And pray what is it, pet?"
"For the honour and credit of our great nation, you must let this miserable, tailless barbarian have his liberty, and be free to move amongst our people and improve himself by studying our customs."
The King sighed. He was unable to resist his daughter's persuasive powers. Alas! he was by no means the first King who had fallen through lovely woman.
"I fear, my dear," he remarked, "that if I comply with your request it will not be very much to our credit --- which we shall have to pledge --- as our exchequer is so exhausted. But it shall be as you desire. Our royal promise is given."
"Oh, you are kind," cried his daughter, casting a sly glance at Flin and Ytidrusba. The latter gentleman was particularly delighted, as he saw what a triumph he had gained over his adversary, Doctor Yrekcauq. "I intend to be ever such a good little girl now, pa," she added, as she once more kissed him.
The old King was visibly affected. This might have been caused by the great display of his daughter's affection; but it was very possibly owing to the thought that he would have to devise some other plan to refill his empty coffers. It was a great sacrifice to give up the scheme of exhibiting Flin, but there was no help for it, as he was disarmed of all resolutions when his daughter wept.
"I confess that I have yielded to my daughter's request very reluctantly," observed the King, turning to Flin. "I have no doubt at all that if one of my subjects was to stray into your country he would be instantly seized, places in a cage, and exhibited to gaping ignoramuses." (Flin thought this was exceedingly probable, for a being with a tail would be a curiosity indeed in the upper world.) "However," pursued his Majesty, "the customs of savage nations do not, I am pleased to say, affect us. We are desirous to set an example by which we hope other nations will profit. You will, therefore, consider yourself at perfect liberty to go where you like in Esnesnon, and if you are an observer you cannot fail to benefit by what you see, and I trust that, if you should return to the Upper World, you will do all in your power to reform your fellows, and instruct them in the arts and politeness of a highly civilised people, such as, I am proud to say, we are."
Flin bowed low. But he could scarcely repress a smile as he compared the great American nation with Esnesnon. It seemed to him so ludicrously absurd for an old savage only one degree removed from an animal of the woods, like King Gubmuh, to talk of "politeness" and "arts," and to imagine for a single moment that the American people had anything to learn in this respect. He was determined, however, not to seem wanting in that delicate courtesy which as an American subject he knew so well how to exercise. And so dropping on his knee, he pressed his lips to the hairy hand of the monarch, and said: "I beg that your Majesty will accept the expressions of my most perfect gratitude and esteem for the unlooked-for favour which you have been pleased to extend to me. And I beg to further assure your Majesty that should I be so fortunate as to return safe and well to my beloved country, I shall never cease to uphold your Majesty as a generous and kindly monarch. And though I cannot admit that my nation is altogether what you believe it to be, I do go so far as to say that your Majesty's example might very fairly be copied by other crowned heads. One thing I may safely state, and that is, that the representations I shall make of your Majesty's goodness and generosity will win for you the entire good-will of the mighty people who live under the glorious stars and stripes."
"Tut, tut," cried the King, "this is mere bunkum."
Flin was astounded that King Gubmuh should be acquainted with a noun that was so singularly expressive and peculiarly American. And it must be confessed that he was annoyed at being accused of talking "bunkum." But he considered it would have been an act of weakness to let his Majesty see that he had noticed the insult, and so he merely bowed again and said, ---
"Permit me to observe that you Majesty's generosity is only excelled by your exceeding great wisdom." Whereat the King smiled, and motioning to Ytidrusba, withdrew.
As soon as the door was closed, the Princess Yobmot burst into a loud laugh, and capering round the room like a young colt just let loose, she cried, ---
"Oh, you delightful little humbug! Why, I declare, the governor almost believed that you meant what you said. I saw the old buffer's eyes twinkling as though they were going to water."
Mr. Flonatin was terribly shocked at the levity of this young creature. To hear her speak of her father as the "governor," and "old buffer," was painful, and he replied, ---
"Really, your Highness, I would remind you that I am a sedate and grave man of science, and such giddiness as you display troubles me. I am not given to speaking what I do not feel, and you may believe me when I say ---"
The Princess here interrupted him with a perfect roar of laughter, and exclaimed, ---
"Oh, do give over, you funny little creature, or I shall faint. We shall have some jolly fun together if you are a good little fellow and only do what I tell you, and between us we shall be able to gammon the governor into anything."
She threw her arms round Mr Flonatin's waist, and set off him in a waltz round the room, spinning round and round like a top, until the poor fellow was bewildered and giddy, and sank down on a seat perfectly exhausted, while the lively girl fanned him with her amber handkerchief and laughed immoderately.