The Way of a Virgin/The Instrument
THE INSTRUMENT.[1]
ONCE upon a time a youth, wishing to become a smith, quitted his village and hired himself as an apprentice to a farrier. His master was a busy man, all the beds in his house being filled by his workmen, and when evening came he was sore pressed to find sleeping quarters for his apprentice. Reflecting long, he thus finally argued:—
"In each bed are several persons; my daughter alone has one to herself. With her will I put the youth to sleep. His parents are good people, and I have known him from boyhood. There is no danger."
When these two were in bed together, the youth began to caress the daughter, a maid nigh unto sixteen years, and since she did not repulse him, he lost no time in showing her how one makes love. The daughter found the business very much to her liking, and Pierre (for so the apprentice was named) gave her several lessons in this pretty game. She did not tire, and wished that the play might last the whole night long; but Pierre, awearied, would fain have slept. Anon, when he began to grow drowsy, she pinched him and snuggled up to him; but he did not respond to her allurements. "Pierre," said she, "dost play no more with thine implement?"
"No—'tis used up," quoth Pierre.
"'Tis a pity," said the girl. "Why is it not more solid? Would it cost much to have another?"
"Yea—at least three or four hundred francs."
"I myself have not that sum; but I know where my father keepeth his money, and on the morrow I will give thee the wherewithal to procure another. What dost thou call it?"
"'This called an 'instrument',"[2] quoth Pierre.
In the morning the girl, taking her father's money, gave it to the apprentice, who hied him to the town and made pretence of buying another instrument; and when night came, he played on his instrument to the infinite satisfaction of the girl.
On the morrow the apprentice received a letter, wherein he learned that his mother lay ill and desired to see him. He started on his journey forthwith. Anon the girl appeared and not seeing the apprentice, inquired:
"Where is Pierre?"
And they answered her that he was gone and would return no more. Whereat she sped after him, and when she pereceived him afar off, cried out:
"Pierre! Pierre! At least leave me the instrument!" Pierre, who was in a field at the moment, wrenched up a big turnip, and casting it into a swamp at the feet of the girl, cried out:—
"Take it—'tis there!"
And while the girl sought the instrument, he continued on his way.
With both her eyes she looked, but of Pierre's instrument could perceive no vestige. Anon she sat down on the edge of the swamp and gave herself up to tears. Presently there chanced to pass the vicar, who made inquiry as to the cause of her grief.
"Oh! thy reverence!" she made answer. "The instrument hath fallen in the swamp and I cannot recover it. A sad pity, for 'tis a precious instrument and cost three or four hundred francs."
"Let us both seek," quoth the vicar. "I will aid thee."
He tucked up his gown, and both fell to seeking in the swamp, which was somewhat deep. Anon the girl turned her head, and perceived the vicar with his garments tucked up above his hips, cried out:—
"Ah! thy reverence! No need for further search! 'This thou who hast the instrument 'twixt thy legs!" EXCURSUS TO THE INSTRUMENT.
A variant of the foregoing story, (The Instrument), is to be found in Le Moyen de Parvenir (Béroalde de Verville). The editors of Kruptadia draw attention to it, quoting the following extract:
The simpleton husband Hauteroue, while futtering his wife, remarked:—
"What a labour it is, my love!"
"I am not surprised," quoth she. "Thou dost work with a bad implement."
"I should have a better had I the money."
"Let not that hinder thee; I will give thee the money on the morrow."
When the husband received his money, he set out to enjoy himself; then he went to bed with his wife, whom he pleasured well.
"Ho! my love!" said she. "This implement is as good as the one thou hadst. But, love, what hast done with the other?"
"I have thrown it away, my love."
"Bah! Thou hast made a great mistake. 'Twould have served for my mother!"
- ↑ Kruptadia: Heilbroom: Henninger Frères, 1884; Breton Folk Lore.
- ↑ Frenolle is the word in the text—probably a fantastic term, since Pierre's "instrument" is not known by that name in Haut Bretagne. Farmer, in his monumental work Slang and its Analogues, (Privately Printed, 1890—1904) and Landes (Glossaire Erotique de la Langue française—Brussels, 1861) do not include the word in their comprehensive lists of French erotic synonyms for penis. Nor can we find mention of it in Vocabula Amatoria (London, 1896). Littré, even does not give the word.