Tiberius Smith/Chapter 6
VI
AN ARCTIC-CIRCLE TOUCH-DOWN
"IMMEDIATELY after we met the Saracens on skates and demonstrated that the days of chivalry are not dead, we arranged with MacGully to ship the hardware home that we might have it as a memento of those husky doings. Then shaking hands with the frigid north we started on our long trip to the land of graft and graciousness, smug in the complacency of knowing that although we had netted no giants we had turned an amiable penny by our endeavors on the side.
"Well, I won't act the gazetteer, but will simply say that after a long, tedious jaunt we caught the home-bound steamer, skirted Labrador, said ta-ta to Carkwright, and finally sneaked through the Strait of Belle Isle and reached the blessed St. Lawrence.
"‘Now for sweet rest and the innocent spectacle of a cow chewing her cud in some Vermont vale,' I sighed, luxuriously, when we'd been in Montreal for a day.
"'Telegram for you, sir,' said the portly crook who mismanaged our hotel.
"'The boss says we are to catch the Saucy Liz, sealer, at Vancouver, and take a mild little run north to Kinack, on the tip of Point Barrow,' mused Tib, eying me furtively.
"'Not to win several bets,' I protested, indignantly
"'I'll wire him a refusal,' he declared, stoutly.
"Inside of two hours he was back, smiling genially. 'Pay Monsieur Garçon Whang-Bang and pack up,' he cried, joyously.
"And, to abbreviate, that night found us on the C. P., booming, so far as I was concerned, very disconsolately westward.
"It seems that my patron's exchange of wires with the chief had revealed an errand so dear to the inclination of my leader that he had recanted and had tossed in an enthusiastic affirmative, signed by our joint names. I was disgruntled, of course, as we were not strapped to the ultimate coin yet, and I had wanted to enjoy a straw hat and forget chilblains a bit before allowing the bleak Arctic environment to again encompass our clustered activity.
"But Tib was all gayety, playful as a kitten, little realizing we were about to glide from the perpetual embrace of the chilly tomb solely through my second-hand varsity lore. It transpired we were on our way to capture the Kinack pennant and dub ourselves the champions of Alaska, but we had no radical hint of the glory, not even after we had berthed aboard the Liz.
"The captain of the sealer, we quickly discovered, was an old employé of the circus, and had often collected odd chunks of Arctic life for the big shows. We had been with him once on an Iceland trip. His quest now was a mighty one, being nothing less than a whole village of tame polar bears. Needless to say, he was playing second fiddle to my patron when it came to annexing such important brutes, and even I began to lose my melancholy frown when I appreciated the fat bonus awaiting a successful outcome of the venture. So gradually waxing almost human in my deportment to Tib, we sailed away from the realm of the open-work sock.
"You should know, sir, that there is no better card for a menagerie than the Ursus maritimus; and despite his natural ferocity and the fact that he is the greatest meat-eater among his furry fellows, the big beast can be tamed and is unusually acute of perception. All the up-to-date animal shows have polars that will do all sorts of tricks and never growl. But as it costs like sin to get them, and as it takes time to make out their naturalization papers, an opportunity to pilfer a whole bevy of the deep-coated entertainers is a chance no quadruped king can allow to die of neglect.
"The four-footed treasure-trove was the property of one Olfen, an aged missionary, said the sealer. The old man had been deserted by his Innuit charges and had filled in his time snaring and domesticating the varmints. The Saucy Liz was the first boat in two years to obtrude on his privacy, and as he was short of fodder the intrusion was very welcome. He had accepted the sealer's proposal that he come to the States and live in comfort at the expense of the circus, while his pets earned his ease by travelling in the menagerie.
"Up to the north we climbed, the coast growing ever more bleak and desolate—past Nome and its gold-sanded shores, stopping at Chuck Cape just long enough to pick up some native hunters, and ultimately rounding the shoulder of Alaska, where the full force of the cold-storage zephyrs caused our stanch little craft to growl its way among the ice-floes like some aquatic bull-dog. And such a buffeting! You see, the month was August and an offshore wind was frisking the cut-glass out to the open, thus giving us our only chance of creeping in to the coast.
"The moment the Saucy Liz poked her head inside the cape four native whale-boats put out to meet us, and the captain sighed his disappointment. 'For,' he explained, 'if Olfen's Innuit flock has returned he'll never leave them, and we've had our little jaunt for nothing.'
"But Tib, slapping his fox -skin gloves briskly together, refused to entertain this unwholesome suggestion, and intimated that inasmuch as our boss had spent enough money on the trip to buy carpet slippers for every barefooted owl in the country, we must take back something, if only an iceberg.
"The desire to trade kept the natives about the sealer, and we three, Tib, the captain, and I, slid in to shore alone. Then the captain hurried us inland several hundred yards to a low, stone house banked high with dirt and plugged with moss, and called on the missionary to appear and welcome us. But the door remained closed. 'Father Olfen!' he cried again.
"And then—great Scott, sir! but my heart certainly skipped seven throbs; for from around the corner of the hut paraded seven of the biggest polars I ever saw. And the whole outfit reared with one accord and eyed us complacently. At our apparent concern the captain laughed and assured us they were tame as kittens. Then he boldly advanced and said, 'Hello, Minnie!' and stuck out his fist. And hang me, sir, if Minnie didn't return the chaste salute most amiably!
"Tib, you know, always had a hypnotic way with animals, and he, too, tripped forward and slapped another elf on the flank. Mr. Bruin slowly dropped to all -fours and rubbed his massive white head lovingly against my patron's seal-skin coat.
"But no missionary had appeared, and finding the door unfastened we entered. The room was deserted, but on a rough table was a letter addressed to the captain. In it Olfen explained that he was about to leave on a chance sealer then off shore, as to remain longer meant death. By the date of the note he had been gone about a week. 'A strange tribe has settled here,' he wrote, 'and while their superstition leads them to avoid the hut, as they believe, because of my bears, that I must be an evil spirit, they nevertheless threaten to kill me. They cry out I am Nenook Shaman, the Bear Spirit, and it is only a question of time when they will attack me. Poor, ignorant savages! If I were younger I should stay, regardless of the risk. But I find my last days are suddenly filled with a desire to see the flowers, and I cannot wait for you. If you come and my pets are still here, be kind to them.'
"After the captain had slowly spelled this out, a scratching at the door caused me to open it, and there was a nine-foot, sixteen-hundred-pound toy sitting on his haunches and politely salaaming. Tib said the old boy was hungry, and finding a stock of dried fish we led the seven into their rock corral behind the hut—and say, for endurance in gastronomic stunts those fairies had all the old Roman gluttons reduced to light-weight dyspeptics.
"Just as we had cemented the entente cordiale by the simple donation, a cloud of snow capered over the hut and the captain gained the open in three jumps. 'An inshore wind,' he cried, in explanation. I've got to save Liz. Stay here and I'll beat back at the first let-up.' And his lank form was lost in a swirl of feathers, and we were left alone.
"We built a rousing fire, for despite the month the ground was covered with cotton batting and the raw breezes owned the beach. We were pleased to note the Innuits had disappeared from the map when the storm broke loose. Olfen's letter was not very reassuring, you know. After we had fixed up the hut we paid another visit to the bears. Tib's control over them was something uncanny. They seemed to dope out everything he said, and on the first day he taught them to form pyramids and do several stereotyped tricks.
"‘What an elegant football squad they'd make,' I carelessly observed on the third morning, as he dealt out the fish.
"Tib stood transfixed for a minute, and then cut a pigeon-wing of unadulterated ecstasy. 'An inspiration, Billy!' he cried, and straightway began planning for a Polar Bear Eleven. He said he would borrow the four brutes already with the show to make up the squad, adorn them all with big mitts and muzzles, so as to reassure the timid spectators, and then challenge college teams wherever the circus went.
"‘Give me some pointers on that deadly pleasantry and watch me translate it into the bear language,' he commanded.
"And nearly all day I fed him football lore and grounded him in the science of the game. Then as the storm showed no symptoms of weakening, he got to work with his pupils, he and I playing with them. For nine ground-gainers we certainly were clever. And the bears enjoyed it immensely. Tib taught them to tote a deer-skin ball and go through three simple manœuvres, not at all unlike the real article.
"Minnie and Maude were at right and left ends respectively, and huge Rudolph in the centre. To call Minnie's name meant for her to lead off, with the other six following in close formation; and we styled it the Burglar-Proof Wedge. And Maude's name meant a similar play at left end. But our chef-œuvre was when Rudolph threw back his flat-topped head and in bruinese invited his companions to fill in the vacuums created by the moving of his giant form. For pure realism in bucking the line his stunt at centre had the other two combinations plucked to a tawdry finish. We regretted while rejoicing; for it required no prophet to see that only a freight-train could cause him and the nth power of energy in his wake to hesitate even, and it would never do to spring the joke on the same college twice.
"But, sir, for a picturesque effect it was purely supernal. It would have placed your heart three palpitations to the good just to study them as they caught on to the varsity spirit and crouched in line, eagerly awaiting the signals. And after they got so they could perform each hurricane dash without a flaw, Tib and I fell on each other's necks and shed tears of distilled joy.
"‘They are so blessed human, Billy,' he sobbed, in apology for his emotion. And he gave each champion a fish.
"Then came a dampener to our spirits that caused us to forget the gridiron for the nonce. I had gone to the beach at the first intimation of clearing weather, but instead of sighting the sealer I beheld four big oomiacs, well filled with jovial murderers. It required no second glance to see that they were our late neighbors, and in the bows of each ferry stood a spear or harpoon brandishing midget, intimating with easy grace that I was next. These simple gesticulations alone evinced that they were in rare fettle for acting roguish, and Paul Revere would have been distanced at the first quarter had he endeavored to keep tabs on my flitting footsteps.
"Tib stood in the doorway as I blew within his ken, and he had already detected the menace. He dragged me inside and closed the portal, just as the amiable rattlesnakes beached their boats and set up a song of rancor. Then they did a little green-corn dance and set our football stars to growling with a cloud of spears and arrows. I was puzzled to know what had surfeited them with courage until Tib indicated a large bottle, affectionately clasped to the bosom of the chief. Then we detected in the middle distance a sinister-looking keg. It was obvious they had procured the fire-water from the sealer while the captain was ashore with us.
"Of course we searched the hut for trappings of war, but could find nothing more offensive than some stout clubs. 'I'm afraid it's all up if they rush us,' I soliloquized, sullenly. 'They number at least two-score.'
"Tib sighed in a minor, but made no reply until he had scanned the ice-freckled wavelets with an ancient glass. Then he observed, 'If my old eyes don't deceive me, there's a thread of smoke out yon."
"I gave a hoot of joy. It was the sealer to the rescue. 'Hurrah for the Saucy Liz!'
"‘Only Lizzie knows naught of our embarrassment,' disheartened Tib, 'and is taking her time. The query is, Can we hold out till she arrives?'
"‘Speaking of maidens,' I trembled, 'we have Minnie and Maude—'
"‘I'd forgotten 'em,' mused Tib. 'If they can lend a helping hand we might gain the beach and keep the foe guessing for an hour, and then win out.'
"‘An hour!' I cried. 'Just time for two halves!'
"He grabbed me by my shoulders, sir, and gazed lovingly into my sparkling orbs. Then he lisped: 'My child, we'll start the first half now; and it's our kick-off.'
"‘Nenook! Nenook!' howled the rabble, now garbed in a delirium tremens of bravado.
"‘The smoke is thicker,' I joyously reminded my companion, as he became absorbed in studying the dancing and advancing enemy.
"‘They can't be the regular Innuit article,' he murmured. 'They must be some half-caste people. The Simon-pure Innuit hasn't any more temerity than a sage-hen, except when tackling a bear.'
"‘They're bunching for a rush,' I yelled; and the clamor for Nenook was now so uproarious that I had to use my hands as a trumpet in order to reach Tib's dull ear.
"‘Bring out the squad,' directed he. 'Have Rudolph play centre.'
"And with our seven players in line, with Tib and me at quarter and half back, we trailed around the corner and on to the Arctic gridiron and faced the would-be champions. They had expected the bears, and, being used to that kind of trouble, were loaded with an antidote in the shape of bone-tipped spears. And yet the shaggy, orderly array puzzled them and warned that we were there for no parlor pastime. Seeing us come to a halt, they foolishly assumed a massed formation, like a revolving wedge, and brusquely advanced to try us out.
"‘Minnie!' cried Tib, and that blithesome lass began to make a dêtour to the right, with the others ambling joyfully along behind. Well, sir, it simply swept the gang off its feet. It was all done so quickly and neatly that we'd flanked them before they saw a light. Then Minnie halted and waited for us to form the line.
"Then the chief took a sip from his flagon and coughed out a signal, and the beggars speedily presented a new front and again prepared to rush. You see, we had an elegant chance to cut for the beach after the first end-play, but our players had been trained in the corral, where they were forced to halt after making thirty feet. So the benighted romps had absorbed the impression that ten yards was their limit on any one play. And, of course, Tib and I did not care to wander about on the beach alone while waiting for the sealer to arrive.
"‘What are we tarrying for now?' I cried, as the other line again approached, this time more rapidly, and seemingly oblivious to fear.
"‘Minnie won't work it twice in succession,' yelled Tib. 'Maude must come next, or they won't play. We taught 'em to alternate, and we mustn't try the left end until the crowd gets nearer.'
"As the last word was barked, Kinack's Prides were upon us, trying to buck the line. But when it came to plunging they were rotten; too light, you know. And say, sir, they ought to have been penalized thirty yards for treading on our centre's toes and thrusting at the guards with their ticklers.
"‘All ready!' howled Tib, reaching between the centre's feet to kick a study in oils on the nose. 'Maude!'
"And away they gambolled to the left in search of ten yards more of leeway. And Maude carried with her, sir, the bunch of deer-skin. You see, we had to fetch it along to give the bruins their cue. Bless their old hearts! It was all a game to them.
"But this play was attended by a beautiful mêlée, as we'd waited a few seconds too long, and as our guards had never lined up against even a scrub eleven before, and consequently were a bit dazed and rather punk on the defensive. However, they managed to break up the interference after a fashion, and finally, somewhat winded, we were one family again.
"But the captain of the Kinackers absorbed a pint of stimulus and I could see we were in for livelier doings. The first two plays had foozled 'em a trifle, but now they were up and ready and very wise. So far they had suffered no injury, thanks to our teaching the bears to use but little strength in anticipation of the college games to come. Ergo, they waxed confident and decided that Nenook had lost his medicine.
"They didn't seem to realize that their spear-work had excited the home team and that our right guard's ugly, dark-stained shoulder was a source of annoyance to him as he compared it with its silvery-white companion. But they got an inkling when a rash tackle from their side ducked in and received a crack that sent him thirty feet. As our big boy handed out this bunch of sleep-germs he turned in the middle of a growl and seemed to apologize to Minnie for his rudeness.
"But the jab had puzzled the poor beggar, and only Tib's shriek of approval kept him from chasing his man. And I jumped four feet on high just to pat his head. Then, perfectly reassured, he made a scythelike sweep and knocked a midget out of sight.
"We had now gained twenty yards and still retained the ball. 'Play a saloon game,' begged Tib, prancing up and down behind Rudolph and studying the field.
"The visitors, still failing to appreciate that they had been working the wrong combination, now drew back long enough to toss up a few orisons to their tribal deity, and then came smash against our centre before we could budge. Dear, dear! how foolish of them, sir, when they could have run the ends!
"‘Boom-a-lacka! boom-a-lacka!' I howled, recalling a fragment of the old yell, while Tib spoiled an off-side play with his club and called on the left end again to lead off.
"But it was Rudolph's turn to score, and every bear knew it, and Maude wouldn't stir a peg. But they fought where they were just the same, and as each bear was now heavily laden with venomous activity, there was enough heathen fur clothing spoiled to keep a city's worthy poor as warm as toast all winter. Inside of six seconds twice as many of the foe were sent ricocheting in a variety of directions; and in sixty seconds we were pushing the whole crowd away. But they did not get clear before Rudolph, angry at missing his turn, got it through his thick noodle that the other side was behaving like river-drivers. And in one off-side play he gathered four of the vermin in his generous arms, and with a mighty o-o-o-of of satisfaction strained the collection to his bosom. When he discarded them over our heads they lay very still and their captain had to call in the substitutes.
"‘Great game!' I panted, in the breathing-space allowed by the Kinackers' retreat to the rum-keg.
"‘Got to keep moving, or they'll bag us yet,' bawled Tib. And our boys—now digging up a sulky streak, began beckoning energetically with their steel arms for their rivals to mix it up again, instead of waiting for our signals. You see, sir, we were in a tight place—we didn't dare leave our breastworks, and the squad was unwieldy to handle. The game, too, was vastly different from the merry practice in the corral, and the whole bunch were disgusted because their usual honorarium of fish was not forthcoming. Tib and I realized our lives depended on their keeping together, and we both worked overtime to tickle their vanity. But what saved us was the ball. Each nine-foot warrior had been taught to centre his or her whole soul on that trifle, and true to their training they obeyed orders and refused to desert their colors.
"‘They're coming!' I warned, as the mob of round forms waddled to a right-about face and cantered forward.
"‘Keep close to Rudolph,' cautioned Tib. And then, 'Centre! 4-11-44!' The numerals meant nothing, and were thrown in only for good measure.
"But at the familiar call Rudolph plunged forward to buck the advancing line, with every other ounce of bear-flesh trailing on behind, with a fringe of paws cuffing at the sides to spoil interference, while Tib and I scuttled along between the two bulky lines. And I was overjoyed to see Maude emulate Rudolph's system and pluck a hostile right tackle out of his clothes with one neat sweep of her hooks.
"Tib and I tried to reach the brutes' close-set ears with expressions of praise, but they were well-nigh deafened by the hoarse clamor of their assailants and forgot for the moment they had been civilized. But that centre-play, sir, brushed all records of strenuous endeavor to the background, and, as Rudolph failed to remember the confines of the corral, we advanced to within two hundred yards of the beach.
"Then, as we thought we were to have a breather and time to quiet our men, that happened which Tib and I had feared from the start. The heathens began to open up, preparatory to running the ends and flirting with us bipeds. The first dash came so near to netting Tib, I decided the pennant was surely lost. You see, the dear, old, furry idiots were again trying to remember our mottoes and maintain a life-lease on the leather; hence, they were but mildly curious when six rum-inflamed full-backs sneaked in from the left and as a unit nailed my patron.
"I dented several fat faces with my club before a relay crew buckled on to me. Then I went to the mat, and the count had proceeded to nine before my leader could liberate his vocal organs sufficiently to gurgle, 'Down!' And then Gertrude, bless her! a demure little lass of about twelve hundred pounds, playing left guard, wheeled and nearly finished us with her zeal to eliminate our encumbrances. But to collect the invaders you would have needed a large quantity of the best blotting-paper. It required just two sweeps of Gertrude's powerful paw to dig us out of the débris.
"When once on our bewildered feet we saw that one end-rush had cost us dear. Our right guard would never play again. For the life of me, sir, I could not help but pause and rub his head as he tried to rise and take his old position. He closed one eye in passing out, as if saying, ' Great footwork, eh?' And there was a blur in my lamps as I dragged myself behind the faithful, shattered squad. The six of them still accepted it all as a game, you see, although perplexed by their neighbor's roughness.
"‘Line up for the last half!' wheezed Tib, wiping the blood from his eyes. 'The sealer's in and dropping boats. One more scamper and we'll be clear.'
"‘Nenook! Nenook!' hoarsely yowled the beggars, pointing exultantly at our prostrate guard.
"And say, I actually loved those gigantic, white sillies as they tossed back the challenge in six growls; and true blue to the last, all ranged up beside Rudolph, who, hugging the ball against his now brown breast, turned his foolish head to catch Tib's signal.
"And Tib, believing his players had lost tabs on whose turn it might be, cried, 'Centre!' for the second time, and, sure enough, Rudolph bowed his form and lunged ahead for another irresistible buck.
"The ex-champs, however, catching sight of the approaching boats, no longer tried to run the ends, but to our great felicitation met us fair and square in one last, tremendous effort. As they closed in we enjoyed the worst scrimmage of the game. I'll confess, sir, the visitors played snappy ball and showed lots of ginger; and as our boys indulged in many a hearty nip and rake, they handed it back right smart. Why, even in that last moment they gave every promise of lugging home the cup.
"For the first few yards we tore down the shingle briskly and simply waded through the heavy underbrush of jabbing arms and kicking legs, Tib and I doing no real husky work, just staggering along. But as our players became more infuriated, and paused in the game to hold personal altercations, I surrendered my last hope.
"To accentuate our despair, just as we had nearly come to a stand-still, and Rudolph, busy cuffing a native, refused to heed the signals, we lost our left tackle, a promising young player, but a bit hot-headed.
"‘Rudolph! Centre!' again choked Tib.
"And dear, dear! If the old sport didn't turn his red eyes, stop gunning for pelts, grab up the ball, and once more begin to plough ahead. And the other four loyally fell in behind and swung through the big hole he had made in the unsavory mass of alleged humanity. Thus did we come to the water's edge.
"And the enemy seeing the last half had been played, scurried back to the boats somewhere up the coast.
"‘How can we get these five life-preservers aboard?' panted Tib, as he wrung the captain's hand.
"‘Can't do it now,' bawled the captain, dancing in merriment as he nailed a retreating seven-hundred-dollar bunch of furs with a hatchet. 'The wind is again inshore, and we've not a second to lose if we'd save our hides and Liz.'
"So, after all, we had to leave the bears. But despite the scarcity of the minutes, we dragged ourselves to each and sorrowfully shook a paw in parting. As we gazed back from the sealer we saw them sitting in a row, the centre still holding the ball, and we watched them until their huge, white coats melted slowly into the drifting veil of snow.
"In another week we were back again, but could find no bruins.
"But up there somewhere in the eternal cold is a fraction of Alaska's first eleven, ready to face all comers. I often see them in my mind's eye stanchly standing off a gang of natives; and although their old trainer's voice will direct their plays no more, I can see them pegging down with ponderous energy the championship of the Arctic Circle. And do you know, sir, I've often wondered if in their wanderings they affectionately tote about that absurd wad of deer-skin; and if, on pleasant days, they indulge in a little quiet practice in memoriam of their first coach. At least, I know they are loyal to one another, and mayhap to-night are forming up for the last game. And if, perchance, only one of the rugged quintet remains, I have no doubt but he will go down gamely, with only a few yards to gain.