Translation:Shulchan Aruch/Orach Chaim/240
240:How a man should behave during marital relations. Contains 17 seifim.
1 If one was married, he should not be too frequent with his wife, but rather according to the schedule specified in the Torah. Those who are at leisure, who have means of living and don't pay a tribute, their schedule is every day; hired hands who worked in another town and sleep every night at their homes, once a week; and if they work in their own town, twice a week; donkey drivers, once a week; camel drivers, once in thirty days; seamen, once in six months; and the schedule of Torah Scholars is from Friday night to Friday night. And every man needs to visit his wife on the night of her immersion and at the time that he embarks on a journey unless he is going for a mitzvah matter. And so too, if his wife is nursing and he realizes that she is soliciting him and seeking to please him and preens herself before him so that he would pay attention to her, he must visit her. And even when he is present with her, his intention should not be for his pleasure, but like someone paying his debt that he owes her at her schedule, and to fulfill the obligation of his Creator, so that he may have children who delve in the Torah and perform mitzvot in Yisrael. And so too, if his intent is for the benefit of the fetus; since during the last six months it benefits it, causing it to come out purified and lively, this is fine. And if his intention is to make a boundary for himself with her in order to not crave for transgression, since he sees his urge strengthening and he's craving that thing, gloss: for this too one receives reward, but (Tur) it would be more good for him to resist his urge and overcome it. For a man has a small member; when he starves it, he is satisfied; when he satisfies it, he starves. But one who doesn't need it, but arouses his craving to fill it up, this is the yetzer hara's counsel, and from what is permitted it will lead him to what is prohibited, and about this our rabbis o.b.m. said: One who hardens himself intentionally shall be in outcast.
2 A man should not "drink" from this "cup" and set his eyes on another "cup", and even if both are his wives.
3 "And I will purge out from among you those that rebel and transgress against Me" – these are children of nine traits: children of those who were raped; children of a hated woman; children of ostracism; children of substitution; children of a woman who rebels; children of drunkenness; children of a woman who was divorced in the heart; children of mixture; children of a shameless woman.
4 It's forbidden to look at "that place," for whoever looks there has no embarrassment of the face, and transgresses "and you shall go humbly," and drives away the embarrassment from upon his face. For "whoever has a sense of shame does not commit faults," for it's written, "and that His fear should be on your face.." – this is embarrassment – "..to commit no faults." And furthermore, for he incites the yetzer hara on his lifeforce. And all the more so, one who kisses there, as he transgresses all these, and moreover, for he transgresses "don't make yourselves disgusting."
5 He below and she (15) on top – this is a way of brazenness. If they had relations with both of them on equal level – this is a way of crookedness.
6 It's forbidden for a person to have relations in the presence of any person if he's awake, and even if they're separated by a partition of ten. And in the presence of an infant who doesn't know how to speak it's permitted. A room where there's a Torah scroll or chumashim that are made in scrolls, it's forbidden to have relations there until there's a partition before it. [And regarding making it on Shabbat, see below, beginning of Chapter 315.] And if he has a different room, it's forbidden until he removes it. And if there are tefillin or sefarim in it, even Gemara, it's forbidden, until he will put them in a container inside a container, and only if the second one isn't dedicated for them. [And see above Chapter 40, Section 3.] But if it's special for them, even a hundred are considered as one. And if he spread a tallit on a case, it's considered as a container inside a container.
7 One shouldn't have relations at the start of night nor at its end, so that people's voices shouldn't be heard and he will come to think about another woman; rather, in the middle of the night.
8 And one should perform relations in awe and fear, as it's written of Rabbi A. that he'd "uncover a handbreadth" and "cover a handbreadth" and was like a demon was forcing him, meaning in awe and fear as if a demon was forcing him. And some explain "he would uncover a handbreadth and cover a handbreadth" meaning he wouldn't rub his member during relations so as to reduce his pleasure, and was resembling someone who a demon was forcing him; so that he's doing the thing while forced. And some explain "he would uncover a handbreadth" of his wife, meaning now he uncovers for the needs of relations, and now he covers her, in other words, that he wouldn't prolong that action, and it seemed to him as if the demon frightened him and he got frightened and put the action to rest; to so much of an extent did he keep the relations short. And some explain he'd uncover a handbreadth of the apron with which she was belted, as even during relations he would necessitate her to wrap with it, and he'd expose just a handbreadth of it and cover it immediately in order to reduce his pleasure. And all the explanations are valid, and one who guards his soul needs to be mindful of them.
9 He shouldn't tell her things unrelated to the action, and not during relations and not before it, so that he should not put his mind on another woman. And if he told her and had relations, they said of him, "He tells a man what was his speech": even a trivial conversation between a man and his wife, they tell him at the hour of judgment.
10 If he was wroth with her, it's forbidden to have relations until he makes appeasement with her. And he can talk with her before relations in order to appease her.
11 It's forbidden to have relations to the light of a candle, even though he makes it dark with his garment. Gloss: But if he makes a partition of the height of ten in front of the candle [Haggahot Maimuniyyot, Chapter 3 of Laws of Yom Tob], even though the light is seen through the partition, for example, that he partitioned with a sheet, it is allowed. So it seems to me from the words of Rashi in Chapter 2 of Tractate Beitza, folio 22. It is also said there that it is permitted when he covers the candle with a vessle. And whether it's permitted to make this partition on Shabbes, see below, beginning of Chapter 315.
And so too, it's forbidden to have relations during the daytime, except if it's a dark room. Gloss: And so too, he makes it dark with his garment, and it's permitted [Tur].
12 It is forbidden to have relations during years of hunger, except for the childless [meaning, one who has no children]. Gloss: And see below, Chapter 574, Section 4. And it is the same law when there is other kind of suffering, that they're like hunger [Jerusalem Talmud of Ta'anit].
13 It is forbidden for a guest to have relations. And if they dedicated a room for him and his wife, it is permitted, provided that he shouldn't sleep in the garment of the house owner.
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B'er Hetev
(15) On top: Part of the sanctity of relations is to be face to face. Zohar.