Travels in Philadelphia/Benjamin Franklin
TRAVELS IN PHILADELPHIA
BENJAMIN FRANKLIN
Jan. 17, 1919
Benjamin Franklin, sagacious and witty,
The greatest of all who have lived in this city,
Earnest and frugal and very discerning,
Always industrious, bent upon learning,
Athlete, ambassador, editor, printer,
Merchant and scientist, writer, inventor,
None was more canny or shrewder of brain,
None was more practical or more humane,
None was e'er wiser
With common sense ripe,
Great advertiser
And founder of type.
Troubles he suffered, but he didn't dodge any:
Born the fifteenth of a numerous progeny
(Seventeen children Josiah had sired,
A whole little font of good lower-case types;
A fact that the census man must have admired—
I think old Josiah might well have worn stripes,
But that was in Boston where folks are prolific)
He passed through a boyhood by no means pacific.
Through most of his teens, young Benjamin lent his
Best efforts to being his brother's apprentice,
But Jimmy was crusty—they didn't get on,
And one autumn morning young Benny was gone.
He vowed he would make his sour kinsman look silly,
And so he took ship and descended on Philly.
The very first thought that came into his nob
(After buying some buns) was to look for a job.
So up from the ferry
Our Benjamin stalked,
And hungrily, very,
Ate buns as he walked.
A certain blithe flapper,
A whimsical lass,
Observed the young strapper
And thought he lacked class,
And so, in the manner of feminine strafing,
The superior damsel just couldn't help laughing;
But Ben, unabashed by this good-natured chaffing,
Although young Deborah
Was certainly rude,
He thought he'd ignore her
And cheerfully chewed.
With the best kind of repartee later he parried her,
For seven years afterward he went and married
her.
Well, you all know of his varied successes,
Electrical hobbies and his printing presses.
See how his mind, with original oddity
Touched and found interest in every commodity:
Busy with schemes to domesticate lightning,
Inventing a stove for home warming and brightening,
Scribbling a proverb, a joke or a sermon,
Publishing too (what I am loth to mention
For fear of its bringing up any dissension)
Printing, I say, a newspaper in German—
Also, for which he's remembered by most,
He founded the Saturday Evening Post,
For which Irvin Cobb has consistently praised him—
And its circulation would much have amazed him!
Busy with matters too many for telling—
Saving of daylight and simplified spelling—
Still his chief happiness, as one may think,
Came when he found himself dabbling in ink,
And all his writings, though slight he did think 'em,
Brought him a very respectable income.
His was a mind that was chiefly empirical,
Not at all given to theory or miracle—
Nothing chimerical,
Nothing hysterical,—
Though he wrote verses, they weren't very lyrical,
And he was touched with a taste for satirical.
Though his more weighty affairs were so numerous
Yet he was quaintly and constantly humorous,
Loved Philadelphians, but when he was one of them
Nothing he liked quite so well as make fun of them.
Scarce an invention since his time has burst
But Benjamin Franklin had thought of it first;
Indeed it would cause me no ejaculations
To hear he suggested the new League of Nations.
He truly succeeded in most that he tried, he
Confounded his enemies, and when he died he
Was guiltless of sin except being untidy.
He died of old age, not of illness or tumor,
And wrote his own epitaph, full of good humor.
Every tradition and custom he broke,
This first Philadelphian who dared make a joke!