What They Say in New England/Friends

by Clifton Johnson

Friends
. .

Gain a day, and you gain a friend; as, for instance, when it is Thursday and you think it is Friday. Lose a day, and you lose a friend.

Never give a friend a pin. It will spoil your friendship. To guard against this, and at the same time to accommodate your friend, you can say: “I will not give you the pin, but I will lend it to you for ninety-nine years.”

When a friend leaves you, don’t watch the friend out of sight, for the person who is watched out of sight will never be seen by you again if you do.

When you and a companion are walking together, don’t allow a third person to go between you, If you do, it will cut your friendship. Nevertheless, if, in spite of precautions, this should happen, say, “Bread and butter,” and the fates will be propitiated.

Nor should you, when walking with a friend, let a tree separate you. If this occurs, the best thing to do is for one of you to retrace your steps, and come past the tree on the side your friend took.

Don’t make a friend a present of a knife; for, according to every authority versed in sign lore, if you do, it will cut your friendship. All sharp-edged tools are equally unfitted as presents for the same reason.

“There was Sue Perkins, years ago, and Harry Wright was keepin’ company with her. One day he gave her a pair of scissors. They was beautiful scissors too. Some of ‘em told her not to take ‘em, and said it would cut their friendship. But she said she didn’t care anything about their signs. ‘We sha’n’t have any trouble between us. I know we won’t,’ she said. But I’ll be blamed if they didn’t have a row inside of a month, and Harry Wright stopped callin’, and Sue Perkins lived and died an old maid.”