What They Say in New England/Tricks and Catches

by Clifton Johnson

Tricks and Catches
. .

Boy: Now you say, “Just like me,” every time I stop, and I'll tell you a story.

Friend: All right.

Boy: I went up one flight of stairs.

Friend: Just like me,

Boy: I went up two flights of stairs.

Friend: Just like me,

Boy: I went up three flights of stairs.

Friend: Just like me.

Boy: I went up four flights of stairs.

Friend: Just like me.

Boy: I went into a little room.

Friend: Just like me.

Boy: I looked out of a window,

Friend: Just like me.

Boy: And I saw a monkey.

Friend: Just like me,

Boy: Oh, ho, ho, ho! Just like you!

The friend collapses, and seeks another boy whom he can try the same on. The boy who knows the catch turns the tables by going through everything right but his final sentence. That he changes to “Just like you! Ha, ha, ha! You didn’t get me that time!”

There are various rough tricks that have their outbreaks and periods of infliction among school-boys just like measles or whooping-cough. One of these is the making another fellow “walk Spanish.” You catch him by the collar and the slack of his pants behind, and make him step along on the tips of his toes. The walker feels very awkward and helpless, and the other fellows are very much amused by his manner. This performance is also called “The Shirt-tail Run.”

“The Dutch Whirl” is considered a very clever thing among the boys. Two of them catch a third between them, each with a grip on his coatsleeve and “pantleg,” and turn him over and land him on his feet again. It makes the whirled one a little dizzy and disconcerted, but has no serious effect if his clothing holds.

Say the following over and over as fast as you can:—

1. Six gray geese in a green field grazing.
2. Six, slick, slim saplings.
3. Theophilus Thistledown, the successful thistle sifter, in sifting a sieve full of unsifted thistles, thrust three thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb. If, then, Theophilus Thistledown, the successful thistle sifter, in sifting a sieve full of unsifted thistles, thrust three thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb, see that thou, in sifting a sieve full of unsifted thistles, dost not get the thistles stuck in thy tongue.
4. Six, thick, thistle sticks.
5. A cup of coffee in a copper coffeepot.
6. The cat ran up the ladder with a raw lump of liver in its mouth. This is likewise repeated in this form:— The cat ran over the roof of the house with a lump of raw liver in her mouth.
7. Round and round the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran.

A boy asks a friend to play a number game with him. After he has given the friend the necessary rudimentary instruction, the game proceeds in the following dialogue:— Boy: I one it.

Friend: I two it.

Boy: I three it.

Friend: I four it.

Boy: I five it.

Friend: I six it.

Boy: I seven it.

Friend: I eight it.

Boy: Oh, you ate the old dead horse! (or some other subject equally choice for eating purposes).

If the friend knows the trick, he, at the end, changes the final sentence to “You ate it.”

ancient joke

First person: Did you ever notice that when you get up in the morning it is always your left foot that you dress last?

Second person: No; and I don’t believe it is, either.

First person: Well, whichever foot you dress first, the other must be the left one, mustn’t it?

When this point has been made, it is proper that the company should laugh.

a chicken question

Boy to companion: Which would you rather have, a rooster or a pullet? If boy number two says “a rooster,” boy number one goes behind him, and gives him a hoist with his knee.

Is he says “ a pullet,” number one pulls number two’s nose.

Number one considers himself very smart in either case.

a present

Boy: Don’t you want me to give you a little red box?

Companion: Yes.

The boy then gives the other a box on the ear.

the arrest

Boy number one: You’re going to be rested.

Boy number two: When?

Boy number one: When you go to bed to-night.

a mother’s call

Boy to companion: Your mother calls you, Harry (or whatever the other fellow’s name is).

Harry: What for?

Boy: Because that’s your name.

a serious charge

Boy: You're going to be arrested.

Friend: What for? Boy: For stealin’ your grandpa’s toenails.

innuendo

When two boys in school go for a drink to the waterpail at the same time, number one hands the glass to number two and says, “Age before beauty.” Number two takes it, and says, Men before monkeys.” Number one finishes the dialogue and keeps up his end by responding, “The dirt before the broom.”

the monkey at school

First child: Do you want to see a monkey?

Second child: Yes.

Then number one holds up a mirror before number two, or goes outside and holds a dark shawl up against the window-pane for number two to look into.

a foreign language

Hog Latin: “Igry knowgry somegry thinggry yougry don’tgry knowgry.”

Translation: “I know something you don’t know.”

A conversation carried on in this language between two children is as blind to their uninitiated mates as real Latin. How the speakers can make anything out of such outlandish grunting talk is a great puzzle. But children find it even more difficult than grown people to keep a secret, and this accomplishment is not long in becoming a common possession.