When the Cat's Away (Shields)
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When the Cat's Away
A Comedy in One Act
for Young Ladies
Chicago and New York
The Dramatic Publishing Company
21
Copyright, 1890 by
the Roxbury Publishing Company.
Press of Andrew H. Kellogg,
409-415 Pearl Street, New York, N. Y.
A Farce Comedy in One Act.
Mrs. Johnson.
| Edith, | Her daughters. | |
| Katie, |
| Edna, | Boarders | |
| Sadie, | ||
| Nellie, | ||
| Flora. |
Mamie, a servant.
Scenery.—A plainly furnished room, with a door in the centre and one at the side. In the middle a small table. To the left a bureau. In the background, in the right corner, a hat-stand with hats, wraps, shawls, etc. Also a long, narrow table standing against the wall.
To the right Katie is sitting with a book in her hand, studying. To the left, in the foreground, Flora. Edna and Sadie are busily engaged in the background beside a large wash basket, folding and sprinkling the washing. Nellie is seated at a table making a dress; near her, on a footstool, sits Edith with a basket of apples, which she is peeling. As the curtain rises, all are discovered hard at work.
An organ, several masquerade costumes, masks, tray with crullers, wash basket with linen, an unfinished dress, basket of apples.
Katie (reading from a grammar). Il faut que, it is necessary that; Il fallait que, it was necessary that; Il avait fallu, Il eut fallu, it became necessary that.Flora (reading the Bible). Adam bit the apple, which the serpent had given to Eve, who said
Katie (who has been studying in a low voice, now raises it). Qu'il faille, that it is necessary; Qu'il fallût, that it was necessary; Peu s'en fallait que, little was necessary that.
Flora (as above). The angel with the fiery sword appeared and spake
Katie (as above). Quoi qu'il en arrive, whatever may come of it.
Edith. Well, that sounds too funny. What are you learning—French grammar and Bible history mixed together?
Flora. Katie interrupts me.
Katie. It is you who disturbs me!
Flora. Only for you I should have left the Garden of Eden long ago
Katie. In my grammar it would have rained long before this—il pleuvait.
Edith. You will never make any progress that way.
Sadie. Oh! I wish we had the clothes sprinkled and folded!
Nellie. Do you think that my sewing is amusing; I have pricked my fingers all to pieces!
Edith. And I have just cut myself for the second time.
Flora. I wish we could stop working for a little while.
Edith. That would never do. Mamma is as strict with her daughters as with her boarders, and if our task is not finished
Sadie. Hush! there she comes!
(They all work away busily.)
Flora (studying). And the angel with the fiery sword spake
Katie (same). Il aurait fallu, que vous n'eussiez pas mangé—it would have been necessary that you should not have eaten.
Mrs. Johnson (entering at the side door). So you are all busy! How far have you got with the clothes?
Edna. My arms are so tired; they hurt so!
Mrs. J. Nonsense! for a young girl to talk like that; keep right on—and how is our little Flora getting along?
Flora. I am just driving Adam and Eve out of Paradise!
Mrs. J. You are doing well; don't let anything disturb you. And what is my Katie doing?
Katie. I am at the sentence: Il faudrait que je finesse mon travail—it is necessary that I finish my work.
Mrs. J. Good! Continue!
Nellie (sighing). Oh, my!
Mrs. J. Well, well; what are you sighing about?
Nellie. There is no end to this dress of mine.
Mrs. J. Yes, it takes time and trouble to make a dress; but what a great saving it is when we can make it ourselves. Your parents will be delighted to see you wearing a dress of your own make.
Nellie. If we could only wear a blanket round our shoulders like the Indians!
Mrs. J. (laughing). No one can accuse you of vanity.
Edith. Nor I either, mamma; my fingers are all stained from peeling apples; you gave me a bushel basket full.
Mrs. J. Is that intended as a hint? Come, hurry up; work is the spice of life, and after it rest seems twice as good. You know this evening
All the girls (excitedly). Oh, yes; your birthday party!
Mrs. J. Certainly; and we will enjoy it
Flora (interrupting). With ice cream and cake?
Mrs. J. Of course, little sweet-tooth! But first we must drive Adam and Eve out of Paradise, and then
Flora. When Cain kills Abel, the fun will begin.
Mamie (with a letter). There, Ma'am, by special delivery.
Mrs. J. (opens the letter, and reads the contents hurriedly, to the girls). I have received a letter from Mrs. Woods, of Newark. She wants me to meet her at the ferry and go shopping with her—I cannot very well refuse, she must return this evening—too bad, this whole afternoon
Edith. You can go, mamma; as far as we are concerned, we have plenty to keep us busy.
Mrs. J. But to leave you a whole afternoon without supervision
Edith (with dignity). I am sixteen, mamma
Sadie. And we promise you, Mrs. Johnson
Mrs. J. Very well, I cannot disappoint my friend; she relies on my coming. Edith, for once you can take my place, and have charge of the girls.
Edith. Very well, mamma; I shall be very strict.
Mrs. J. Like all substitutes, whose power lasts only a short while. But don't go too far—I shall hardly return before eight o'clock, children; so have tea quietly together. I shall certainly be back in time for the celebration. (Aside.) Perhaps I shall surprise them sooner than they expect.
Mamie. Now, ma'am, you'll be late. You stand there and give a long lecture; you ought to have started before this.
Mrs. J. That's so, I must go; come Mamie, help me to get ready. (To the girls) You will keep to your work and do the best you can, will you not? Good-bye, children.
The girls (all together). Good-bye, mamma; good-bye, Mrs. Johnson. Don't worry about us—good-bye. (Mrs. Johnson and Mamie leave by the middle door. The girls begin to work again.)
Katie (as before). Il faut que, it is necessary that; il fallait que, it was necessary that.
Flora (the same). Cain killed Abel, but the Lord saw him and called
Katie. (springing up). No, I can't stand it any longer. I am not going to study the whole afternoon. Mamma is gone; so now I am going to read my novel—there you go, you stupid grammar (throws the book on the floor).
Sadie (coming forward). Oh, yes! let us have a little recess now!
Nellie. And at the same time a little fun; we're not prisoners (puts her work down and joins the others).
Flora (shuts up her book noisily). I tell you what we will do; let us send out for some crullers. I just feel as if I could eat some. Edith, you won't betray us?
Sadie. Surely you wouldn't spoil our fun, Edith?
Edna. Now, don't be strict; let us have a little liberty.
Nellie. Let us have a good time for once in our lives!
All together (crowding around Edith and coaxing her). Edith, please, dear Edith, let us do as we like.
Edith (trying to keep order). I see how it is, when the cat's away
Nellie (interrupting her). Then the mice will play! Let us dance. Dancing is one of the greatest pleasures. Since I take dancing lessons, I think there is nothing so delightful. Let us have a dance, Edith!
Flora. Oh, yes; do let us dance!
Sadie (taking Edna aside). I know something better still. Upstairs in the attic room, there are some old theatrical costumes; we could amuse ourselves with them. What do you say—shall we ask Mamie to fetch them down for us?
Edna. What a splendid idea!
Nellie (still pleading with Edith). I will provide the music; we only want a street organ brought in, and then the dancing can begin.
Katie. And Mamie can go to the library and fetch the third volume of my book. I am just at that part where the Count falls at Imogene's feet and whispers
Flora. How about the crullers? Can't I have some, Edith; I'm so fond of them?
Edith. But, girls, do be reasonable. You know what mamma expects of me.
Edna. Yes, she said you were not to be too strict with us; and then there's plenty of time, we can study later on.
Sadie. In the meantime, we'll manage to enjoy ourselves.
Nellie. May I call Mamie and make arrangements?
(All the girls crowding round Edith). Please, please don't spoil our fun!
Edith (undecided). What shall I do with you all? I might give you a half hour, if you promise not to be too noisy.
Nellie. Grand! splendid! (Hurries to the middle door and calls.) Mamie! Mamie!
Katie. You will see. We will put everything in order again. Mamma shall not notice anything.
Edith. All right; if it only ends well.
Mamie (her hands covered with flour, spreading all her fingers out). What is it? I've just put my hands in the flour; I'm going to make a cake for tea.
Flora (pulling her by the dress). Mamie, go to the bakery and fetch some crullers for us all.
Nellie (pulling her on the other side). And if you see an organ grinder, get him to come here with his organ.
Edna (pulling her on the right). Please go up to the attic and fetch the boxes with the costumes in.
Sadie. And put them in our room, so that the others don't see them.
Katie (pulling her on the left). But above all, get the third volume of my novel for me.
(All the girls except Edith.) Mamie, listen—do you hear? Do you understand? Mamie, Mamie! (This scene, from the time of Mamie's entering, must be played very quickly.)
Mamie. For pity's sake; you're tearing my dress. I can't do everything at once; and my cake—the dough will spoil—I can't let it stand any longer. (Tears herself away and tries to leave.)
Nellie (holding on to her). You're not going to get away like that, Mamie; you must right away
Mamie (getting away at last). Yes, all right; but I'm going to finish my cake first. (Exit by middle door.)
(The girls, except Edith, follow her.) Mamie, listen—you'll get mine first—mine—no, mine—Mamie! (Exeunt.)
Edith (alone). This will be an enjoyable afternoon—but really, it isn't right—mamma has so much confidence in me, and now—and now! There are the apples not peeled yet, and the washing is not folded; there is the grammar on the floor; the Bible history shut up; and the sewing reposes gracefully in the corner. Suppose mamma should look in now! Oh, gracious! I let them talk me over too easily; out of the half hour they will make a whole one, and who knows if it will end even there. No, no; I must certainly interfere (calling from the middle door). Nellie! Sadie! Edna! It is no use calling them, they either don't or won't hear. What shall I do to bring them to their senses? I can't cry fire! (Thinking.) Ha! I have it! Yes, that's a splendid idea; that's what I'll do. How frightened they'll be! At the same time the little scare won't hurt them. I wonder if mamma's wardrobe is locked? (Opens the side door.) No. Now I'll venture it. They will not recognize me at first, and I shall have the best fun of all. (Exit at side door.)
Nellie, Katie, Flora (through the middle door).
Nellie (delighted). Mamie has gone; now help me quickly to clear the room.
Flora. The room? What for?
Nellie. I've sent out for an organ; we're going to dance.
Katie. To dance? That's heavenly! All my heroes of romance dance delightfully; they swim and dive, and rescue children, and they ride vicious horses.
Nellie. Well, we can't ride here; but dancing is different, and that we will do to our heart's content, only first help me to clear the room.
Flora. First we must move the wash basket; my, but it's heavy—take hold of it (she carries the basket with Nellie out of the middle door).
Katie. And let's get rid of the horrid books. (Picks up the grammar.) Oh! how I hate this grammar! Nothing but rules and forms! (Throws books and small articles hastily to one side.)
Nellie (who has meantime entered with Flora). There goes my sewing in the apple basket; it can take a rest there; let us carry it out. Push the tables and chairs against the wall; then we shall have plenty of room (goes out with the basket of apples).
Flora (with Katie, carries the sewing table in the corner). There—there is plenty of room if I could only dance! (She proceeds to place the chairs as close as possible to the wall).
Nellie (re-entering). I will soon show you how. If we could only fetch the piano from the parlor; but, as that is impossible, we must be content with an organ. I hope Mamie found one for us; and you can play it; I will dress you up as an organ grinder.
Flora. No, thank you
Nellie. Well, as a female organ grinder; but you must play for us; we can't invite the organ grinder himself to come in, because no men are allowed in here, not even an old organ grinder with wooden legs; so you must consent to be dressed up (she takes a hat from the hat rack, and puts it on Flora's head). There—that's the first emblem of your new dignity.
Katie (brings in a large plaid shawl). And this shawl shall be your dress; you can wrap it around you (helps her to fix it).
Nellie (puts a large colored handkerchief round her shoulders). Now you are all fixed up! the orchestra is in full dress!
Katie. You look fine; a regular scarecrow.
Flora. Aren't you both going to dress up too?
Katie. Certainly; I shall be the lovely bride of a gallant knight; as I have read about them a hundred times, with flowing locks
Flora (unfastening her hair). I can let it hang down; but I doubt if I could make it curl.
Nellie (searching in the drawer). You must have a white feather—I think I have one—there—it might be longer, but it will do. (Sticks the feather in her hair.) Help me, Flora, to fasten it; I will see now if I can't turn myself into a knight worthy of her. (Exit by middle door.)
Flora (busy with Katie). How lovely you will look—do you know what—I shall make you a train (takes a colored shawl from the hat stand). There; I will just fasten it with a couple of pins, and the train will be sweeping the floor! Elegant! elegant! You look just exactly like one of the beauties of the middle ages!
Katie. Thanks for the compliment. Fasten everything good and strong, so that when I dance my finery won't fall off and reveal me as plain Katie Johnson. Now, there's nothing wanting but
Flora (suggestively). But a white mule!
Nellie (re-entering). Here I am! (She has on a white cloak arranged as a toga, on her head a Turkish fez, and a moustache made with burnt cork.)
Flora. Your arrival is most opportune!
Katie. As my knight, for instance! Oh! how I have sighed for a knight!
Nellie. Well, do I please you?
Katie. Charming! A toga like an Arab or a Greek, a fez like a Turk, and a moustache like a Frenchman.
Nellie. Three nationalities ought to be enough for you.
Katie. To tell the truth, I should much prefer one real man.
Nellie. Oh, you're never satisfied! The novels you read have turned your head. She doesn't think that I look manly enough!
Katie. Don't get mad; you'll do as you are. But where is the organ?
Nellie. That's so; I'll go and see about it. (She opens the middle door, at the same moment she meets Edna and Sadie in masquerade costumes. Edna, as a German student; Sadie, as an Italian Count.)
Nellie (starting back in surprise). Oh, my!
Sadie. Servitare!
Edna. Gehorsamster Diener!
Katie and Flora. Good gracious! Who is this (retreating in fear).
Nellie. I believe it is Edith dressed up.
Katie. Or Sadie and Edna.
Flora. But where could they get the dresses; let us pretend we don't recognize them.
Nellie. All right.
Katie. They certainly both look very well.
Nellie. Yes; but we must make them speak. (approaches Sadie.) Dear sir, will you not allow me to peep behind your mask?
Sadie (springing back). Sapristi, Macaroni! Here is a dagger!
Flora (afraid). Oh, heavens!
Katie (turning to Edna). But you, gallant Teuton, are, I trust, not so bloodthirsty?
Edna (with a broken German accent). I bear you no ill will; I have taken this means of approaching you.
Katie (aside). He has come to see me! (Aloud.) Well, then, you must at least show me your moustache.
Edna. I am a very young man, and I have none.
Katie (aside). What a pity!
Edna. But I have a loving heart. I often stand at the window opposite, and watch you whilst you are reading, and I devour you with my eyes.
Katie (delighted, aside). Great heavens! This is very romantic! (To Nellie, half aloud.) Nellie, there is a real man hidden behind that mask.
Nellie. Why not? Probably a man like myself.
Edna (aside). Oh, the little novel reader! Won't I tease her afterwards. (Approaching Katie.) Avoid me not, lovely Kätchen (puts her arm around her).
Katie. He whispers my name in German. I am conquered. (Both retire to the background, whispering, arm in arm.)
Nellie (looking after them). How silly Katie is. I shall talk to the other one; perhaps that will open her eyes; that student is no more of a man than I. (Approaches Sadie, who during the foregoing has been talking in an undertone with Flora.)
Flora (whispers to Nellie). You needn't be afraid; the dagger is made of cardboard.
Nellie. My lord!
Sadie (in broken English). You do not know me yet; you haven't seen my face.
Nellie. But I am sure you are handsome. Can you tell who I am?
Sadie (aside). I won't let on, and afterwards I'll make fun of her. (Aloud.) Who you are? Una figlia, a girl with a moustache.
Nellie. You are mistaken! In this breast a manly heart is beating. Don't let my garments deceive you, this is only a masquerade.
Edna (to Katie, in the background). Hear me, Kätchen, on my knees I beg you—(kneels before her. Edith steps quickly through the middle door, dressed as Mrs. Johnson, with a long dress, wrap, hat and veil).
Edith. What do I see?
All the girls (cry out). Heavens, mamma! Mrs. Johnson!
Sadie and Edna (aside). What shall we do?
Edith (imitating Mrs. Johnson's voice, sternly). Is this the way you behave in my absence?
Katie (aside). I shall lay all the blame on the others; my knight will not leave me in the lurch. (Aloud.) Oh, dear, mamma, the two masqueraders there came
Nellie. Yes, indeed; and gave us no peace
Katie. And so we
Nellie. Therefore
Flora (crying). Yes, it was their fault
Sadie and Edna (who meantime have joined the others, aside). They are putting the blame on us (removing their masks). No, Mrs. Johnson, this is how it was
Katie (surprised, exclaims). Oh, Edna, was it you? (Aside.) Oh, the disgrace!
Nellie. It's Sadie! (Aside.) How she must have laughed at me!
Edith. It gets worse and worse! So you were masquerading in my absence
The girls (surrounding her). Mamma, Mrs. Johnson, please don't be angry!
Edith (aside). Oh, these woe-begone faces! I must make a great effort not to burst out laughing.
Mamie (with an organ, entering by middle door). Here, the organ grinder lent it to me, as a great favor; but if it gets broken
Edith. Whatever is this?
Mamie (perceiving Edith for the first time, and being startled). Oh, it's Madam! What shall I say? (Quickly to Edith.) Yes, Madam, the young ladies alone are to blame; I had to borrow an organ for them, fetch crullers from the attic, and costumes from the bakery, and goodness knows what else; they nearly tore me to pieces like hungry wolves—the cake, all this time, must be burnt to a crisp, and—and
Edith (biting her lips, so as not to laugh). I have heard enough! Oh, these children! They deserve to be made an example of!
The girls (sobbing in their handkerchiefs). Mamma, Mrs. Johnson, forgive us!
Edith (resisting them). Not at all; there will be no further amusement this evening.
The girls (sobbing louder). Oh, dear!
Edith (aside). I won't go too far; it is getting too tragic!
Mamie. Oh, ma'am, you can believe me; I am perfectly innocent.
Edith (who has made a great effort to keep serious, suddenly bursts out laughing). Ha! ha! I have played a great joke on you all! Ha! ha! ha!
The girls (taking their handkerchiefs from their eyes). Why, what is it?
Edith (removing the veil). Why girls, don't you know me yet?
The girls (surprised). Oh, Edith! For shame, how you did frighten us!
Edith. I only played a little joke on you; it is your own fault if you fell into the trap. But now hurry up and put away these costumes.
Nellie. Oh, no; now we can have all the more fun.
Sadie. Certainly we will, after such a scare.
Edith. But girls, do be reasonable.
The girls. No, no; we must have a good time.
Mamie. Of course; and I will fetch the crullers; the young ladies will forgive me for having told on them. (Exit.)
Nellie. Quick now; and Flora will play for us.
The girls. Yes, yes; let us have a dance!
Flora (plays a waltz on the organ. Katie and Nellie dance on the right, Sadie and Edna on the left side, all humming the melody).
All. Tra-la-la, tra-la-la
Edith (standing in the centre). They're off. I can't stop them—I'll dance too—but I have no partner
Mamie (enters with a tray full of crullers). Here are
Edith. Ah, Mamie! she will do better than nobody (she seizes Mamie round the waist, and both dance in the middle of the stage, Mamie holding the tray high up above her head).
All. Tra-la-la, tra-la-la
(In the midst of the dancing Mrs. Johnson enters suddenly through the centre door.)
Mrs. Johnson (with raised voice). Good evening!
All (scream aloud, the music stops).
Mamie. Heavens! this time it is the right one! (She lets the tray fall out of her hands.)
Edith (falls into her mother's arms). Oh, mother! (The others stand still in consternation. On the appearance of Mrs. Johnson the actions take place simultaneously.)
(The curtain falls quickly.)
[The End.]
Remark.—Where a street organ is not available, a large brown box of similar appearance should be used instead, and the music may be played on a piano behind the scenes.
This work is in the public domain in the United States because it was published before January 1, 1930.
This work may be in the public domain in countries and areas with longer native copyright terms that apply the rule of the shorter term to foreign works.
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