Wikisource:WikiProject Film/Intertitles from GeoCities/Flirting with Fate

Flirting with Fate 1

August Holliday, the hero of this

story, an artist by profession, is long on temperament and short on funds. He can draw everything except a salary.

AUGY HOLLIDAY - DOUGLAS FAIRBANKS

2

Observing that his poor doggies 

have no bones, except such as are contained in their anatomies, August proves himself artist enough to put one over on Old Mother Hubbard.

3 The rent collector who would like to see the last of August.

4

August has trained his trusty

watch-dogs for jobs like this.

5

Although Augy is broke to the 

world, he is rich in the friendship of Harry Hansum, a society guy, who will prove that handsome is as handsome does.

HARRY - - - W. E. LAURENCE

6

"I am going to show you a 

portrait I have painted of the most beautiful girl in the world."

7

"I know that girl! She belongs

to a nice family. How in thunder did you meet her?"

8

"It was rent day, so I went

over in the park to work."

9

"I'll stake you to money and

new clothes and introduce you right."

10 And now the great opportunity

         comes.

A reception at the girl's home.

11 GLADYS, THE GIRL - JEWEL CARMEN

PHYLLIS, HER CHUM - DOROTHY HADEL

12 Augy's artistic ravings hand

  Gladys an awful jolt.

13

"The tonal composition on your

hair and the high-lights on your nose remind me of Rosa Bonheur at her best."

14

Suddenly Gladys remembers

that Rosy never painted any- thing but horses.

15

"Auntie picked that out for Gladys

a long time ago, but between you and me Gladys has a mind of her own."

16 August lingers on.

17

"He's an artist, and who-

ever heard of an artist with money."

18

"Let's beat it, Augy, we're

getting on Auntie's nerves!"

19

 Fate deals Augy another lucky
             day.

Customers drop in who know nothing

          about art.

20

"Old Mike Angelo himself couldn't

have painted that. I wouldn't sell it for a million dollars."

21 "I'll give you three thousand

      in real money."

22

"Here's my address. If you 

change your mind let me know."

23

"I may not be welcome in your 

home, sweetheart, but they can't buy you out of mine."

24

Augy braves another call and

finds Gladys' chum is willing to help him in his plans.

25

Augy's glib enough about the

high-brow art lingo, but when it comes to love, he can't think of a word to say.

26

Poor Augy! Never mind! Every

chap in the audience has suffered just as you are suffering.

27 Meanwhile at his studio ......

28

Not even the snores of the faithful

watch-dogs disturb the burglar as he cuts the priceless picture from its frame.

29 "Rehearse your proposal

      with me."

30

"You are the sweetest, dearest,

most entrancingly wonderful girl in the whole world. I love you! I love you!! I love you!!! Refuse me and death shall be my solace!"

31 Cheer up, August, let

 September mourn.

32 And this is the most unkindest

       cut of all.

33 After a night of bitter,

   bitter anguish.

34 Half an hour later.

35

      More hard luck!

Augy has a quarter-in-the-slot

meter, and his quarter's worth of gas has run out.

36 "Give me a quarter and a nickle

   for these three dimes."

37

  "Why, I'd croak a whole 
    family for a dollar!"

AUTOMATIC JOE - GEORGE BERANGER

38 "He shot a guy the other day

for just bumping into him."

39 "Beg your pardon, mister,

    are you sick?"

40 "May I speak to you

   privately?"

41

"I want to engage your 

professional services to cash me in."

42

"I'll give you my last fifty dollars

for this job. I've just simply gotta die, but I don't want to know when it's coming."

43

"I can kick you off any way

you like. Let me describe my line of samples."

44

"On the other hand, Joe's perfora-

tive peptonic combines all the advantages of a colour scheme with a rapid exit."

45 "That last style hits me. I

think I'll pick that one."

46 "I'll protect you with a

    suicide note."

47 But even professional assassins

  have hearts and mothers.

48

"As your mother is so 

extremely unwell, do you not think that you should amend your mode of life?"

49 While Augy waits for the end.

50 "Here's that painting, sir. We

caught him trying to sell it."

51 But what if ......

52 Automatic Joe remembers the

dying words of his mother.

53 Augy obeys an old injunction to tell his troubles to the police.

54 "I'm being pursued by an

       assassin."

55

A good way to get rid of a

correspondence school detective, who has been boring the police.

THE DETECTIVE - J. P. McCARTY

56 The Correspondence-School detective has copyrighted this idea.

57 Augy's imagination blisters reality.

58 Interrupting a rehearsal.

59 "Sell me some whiskers!"

60 Might this be Automatic Joe

      in disguise?

61 A fugitive Nihilist.

62 It takes longer to save assassins

     than common sinners.

63 "I was rated as the best

 assassin in the city."

64

One obligation still on Joe's 

conscience, - the unearned fifty.

65

Even the terror of imminent death

cannot keep our Augy from the side of his Gladys.

66 But what if ......

67

But alas, we have forgotten 

Auntie! What will she say to this?

68

It's all right, folks. Auntie now

has a million reasons for liking Augy.

69

The orchestra will now kindly 

oblige with the wedding march from Lohengrin.

     Da-daa-de-da, etc.

70 "There's the man who gave

     me the fifty!"

71 "My young friend, are you

prepared to meet your God?"

72

"I know it was a sin to break

our agreement, but I can no longer be a hired assassin."

73 Safely married, Augy no longer

 flirts, even with Fate.

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