Yawcob Strauss and Other Poems/A Tough Customer

by Charles Follen Adams

A TOUGH CUSTOMER.

Tis a story of a toper:

I knew him passing well,—

A shoemaker in Natick,

Which is oftentimes called — well-

Of course you've heard the story;

So I will not stop to tell.

He was the hardest drinker

For many miles around;

Though, as a waggish chap remarked,

"Hard drinker! I'll be bound

He drinks about as easy

As any man I've found!"

There chanced to be a "sample-room"

Close by his little shop,

In which, "just to be neighborly,"

He frequently would drop,

And "take a little something warm,"

From gin to gin-gei pop.

One day he went as usual;

And, finding no one in,

He spied upon the counter

What he supposed was gin,

And straightway took a "nipper"

From the bottle it was in.

Surveying, a la connoisseur,

The name the bottle bore,

He found 'twas aquafortis,

Which he had taken "raw," —

"A brand," quoth he, "I ne'er did see,

And never drank before."

Just then his neighbor happened in;

And, tremulous with fear,

(The bottle told the story,)

He asked if he felt queer,

And if he'd have a doctor called,

As one was living near.

"Don't worry," said the shoemaker:

"I'm all'right, I believe.

There's but one thing that's curious:

I really can't conceive

Why, when I wipe my mouth, it burns

A hole right through my sleeve!"