Yawcob Strauss and Other Poems/Dee Coming Man

by Charles Follen Adams

DEE COMING MAN

I vant some invormashun, shust so qvickly vot

I can, How I shall pring mine Yawcob oup to been der coming man,

For efery day id seem to me der brosbect look der harder

To make dot coming man imbrove ubon dot going fader.

'Tvas beddher he vas more like me, a Deutscher blain und rude,

As to been abofe hees peesnis und grown oup to been a dude.

I doil'd oxshbect dot poy off mine a Vashington to be,

Und schop mit hadchets all aronndt ubon mine abbledree,

So he can let der coundtry know he echmardter vas as I,

Und got scheap adverdising dot he don'd could dell a lie:

Mine Yawcob lets der drees alone undil der fruit dhey bear,

Und dhen dot feller he looks oudt und gets der lion's share.

Some say 'tvas beddher dot you teach der young ideas to shoot;

Veil, I dink dis aboudt id: dot advice id vas no goot!

Dot poy vonce dook hees broder oudt und dhey blay Yilliam Tell,

Budt Yawcob vas no shooter—he don'd do id pooty veil;

Dot arrow don'd go droo der core, budt id vent pooty near—

Shust near enough to miss id und go droo hees broder's ear.

He dravels mit hees buysickle in efery kind off redder,

Und dough he vas a demperance poy, somedimes he dakes a "header":

I don'd know shust oxactly vot dot vas—'tis vorse as bier—

Shust like he shtrike a cyglone und valk righdt off on his ear!

I ask von time aboudt id, budt dot poy he only grumble,

Und say I beddher try id vonce, dhen maybe I vould "tumble."

Dot Yawcob says dot ve vas boor, vmd he vants to be richer,

Und dot der coming man must been a virsd-glass pase-pall pitcher;

He say he must be "shtriking oudt" und try und "make a hit,"

Und dells me I vas "off mine pase" vhen I makes fun off it;

Vhen I say he soon must baddle hees canoe "oudt on der schwim,"

He say dot von off Hanlan's shells vas goot enough for him.

Dot Shakesbeer say aboudt der son dot's brofligate und vild:

"How sharper as a serpent's thanks vas been der toothless shild!"

(I got dot leedle dwisted; I mean dot thankless youth

He cuts hees poor oldt fader more as a serpent's tooth.)

Und dhen der broverb dells us dot der shild he must obey,

Und dot eef you should shpare der rod you shpoil him righdt avay.

Vell, Yawcob he vas pooty goot—I guess I don'd gomblain,

I somedimes vish, mineself, dot I vas been a poy again.

I lets him blay mit pase-pall, und dake headers vhile he can.

I prings him oup mit kindness, und I risk der coming man.

Let neighbor Pfeiffer use der shtick, vhile Otto howls und dances;

I'll shpoil der rod und shpare der shild, I dink, und dake der shances.