A Trip to the Moon/Chapter 2
CHAP. II.
Wet and dirty as I was, and Dead in all outward Appearance, he drew me out of the Pond to the Amazement of all that saw me. I was carried to the King's great Hall to be consulted on, and expos'd to publick View. All that saw me believ'd me to be a Land Animal, and that some Bird of Prey had dropt me, being tir'd with my weight; but their chief concern was to bring me to life, which was soon effected, by a few Herbs which they pounded, pouring the juice of them down my Throat, and applying the Leaves by way of Poultice to my Posteriors. It may seem a little strange, that those Herbs shou'd be so powerful; but if we consider that the Moon has an Influence upon the Plants of the Earth, whence they derive their medicinal Qualities, it follows that the nearer any Plant is to that Body, it possesses those qualities in a more eminent Degree, and consequently that those which grow upon it must excel all others. The Fright I was in upon my first opening my Eyes, had like to deprive me utterly of that Life which they were so sollicitous to preserve; and I will leave it to any Man's own Breast, whether he wou'd not be terrified as much as I was, to find himself among such a Set of Animals as I am going to describe, without knowing how he was introduced to such Company. The Assembly was made up of Brutes and half Brutes, there were Bears, Wolves, Tygers, Foxes, Monkeys, Cats and Dogs, &c. and those of several Kinds, with certain other Animals, very like the Pictures which I have seen of Beasts, in the East and West-Indies; others had only one or more Members of Beasts; but what amaz'd me most of all was, that those Brutes walk'd upright and spoke, which I am sure was enough to terrifie any Man that has liv'd since Æsop's Days. The first I took notice of, was a Wolf, that held me by the Wrist; I apprehended that he wou'd instantly devour me, upon the Notice which I thought he had of an Earthy Smell about me, by the extraordinary fineness of his olfactory Nerves, whence he might judge me to be Dead; for I mistook the Poultice in my Breeches for something more offensive; but I afterwards understood, that he was only an eminent Physician, that had not always good Success, and was then feeling my Pulse. I found my self very weak, and was for taking a Dram, for I had still kept my Bottle, but my Doctor Wolf hindred me, alledging as I understood after, that my Distemper was not yet come to its Crisis. He was of Opinion, that the Humours of the Body insist as much upon Liberty and Property, and are as sensible of an Affront as an Englishman, and that Distempers arise only from their striving to keep out Strangers; besides, the animal Spirits are design'd for a Standing Army to suppress Riots, and assist the weak Proprietor; but considering the great waste I had made of them, and that Brandy was a spirituous Liquor, he fear'd that a Dram wou'd be too powerful an Enemy for what was left of my animal Spirits, and that the Conflict wou'd end in my Destruction.
I was forc'd to submit to his Judgment without knowing at that time his Reasons, and was convey'd by a couple of Mastiffs in the Ticking of a Bolster, which they had emptied for that purpose, to a convenient Apartment. The Room where I was laid, was order'd to be kept dark 'till I cou'd learn their Language; and a Gentleman with an Ass's Head, appointed to instruct me. The Method which he took for my Improvement, was to make me repeat after him the Names of those Things I seem'd to have occasion for, and 'till I had done so, I was sure not to get the use of them. I improv'd daily to his great Satisfaction, 'till I thought I was able to walk abroad; but not knowing how to express my self to him so as to be understood, or why my Chamber was continually darken'd, I ventur'd to get up once before him, and grope for my Cloaths; but he imagining that I wanted the Chamber-Pot, brought it to me with great speed, crying out Lmldnse, which was the Name of it, that I might repeat it after him; but I was so provok'd at his Mistake, that I only answer'd in plain English B—d and W—ds; he thinking that I strove to repeat Lmldnse, when I curs'd and swore, and finding that I did not do it, imputed it to some Defect in my Tongue; upon which he instantly left me to go and advise with his Brethren. Not finding my Cloaths, I was oblig'd to lie down again, full of Indignation, and resolv'd rather to starve my self, than live as I had done much longer. But my Tutor soon return'd with a couple of Mules, who were to assist him in the splitting of my Tongue with a Silver Three-pence. One of the Mules approach'd me with a Candle and a Three-penny Piece, whilst the other secur'd my Hands, and my Tutor offer'd to open my Mouth, often repeating Lmldnse. I thought at first they had design'd the Three-penny Piece for the same Use to me that Demosthenes made of Pebbles, 'till they began to proceed to the Operation. My Tutor had made me roar so much, and become so uneasy, by an immoderate Expansion of my Jaws, that I happily put out the Candle, which gave me some respite, and frustrated their Intentions; for we were no sooner in the Dark, and that I was left to my self, whilst the others were employ'd in lighting the Candle, and getting Ropes to tie me, than I rose to put my self in a posture of Defence, suspecting their Intentions, from the Usage I remember'd to have seen Magpies meet with in my own Country. But they return'd before I cou'd find any thing which I thought proper for my Defence, so that I resolved to repeat whatever they said as distinctly as I cou'd, hoping by that means to preserve my Tongue, which succeeded as I cou'd wish. For my Tutor, upon his Entry, was discoursing very seriously with a young Man whom he brought to assist him, and among other Words, often mentioned Lmldnse, which I repeated very distinctly. The whole Company turn'd their Eyes upon my Tutor, who, appearing surpriz'd, left the Room. I ran to the young Man, whom I had not seen before, and by many obliging Gestures prevail'd upon him to stay with me. They observ'd my Fondness for him, and thought him to be the most roper Person to instruct me. Tckbrff, for that was his Name, accepted of the Office, and to my great Satisfaction, in a short Time, made me fit for Conversation. He was one that had been a Brute, but by applying to Learning, and considering his Folly, he recover'd his human Shape; he was generally despis'd by all Beasts, and by some reputed to be a Conjurer, since there were Beasts that affirm'd themselves to be more virtuous than him, yet were in no likelihood of recovering their human Form. He did not much mind their Aspersions, but employ'd himself chiefly in reclaiming such as he found most tractable. He observ'd that I was one of good natural Parts, and might probably arrive at Knowledge by shorter Methods than had been us'd with his Countrymen. The first Tryal which he made of me, was to make me perfect Master of their Language; and this he effected in a Night's Time, after the manner I shall relate. He took a large and correct Dictionary, and minc'd the Leaves of it; those he put into an Earthen Vessel half full of Water, and cover'd it so close that no Air could come into it; he plac'd the Vessel, with its upper Part parallel to the Horizon, upon a gentle Fire, where he let it remain thirty-nine Minutes. The Air which was inclos'd in the Vessel, being put into a violent Motion by the Heat of the Fire, together with the Motion of the Water, soon reduc'd the minc'd Leaves to a Consistence of Jelly. The Vessel had been cover'd so closely, to hinder any of the Letters from being carried off in Vapours, and that the Air in the upper part of the Vessel might act with the greater Force. He then set it by to cool, before he ventur'd to uncover it; and when it was perfectly cold, gave it to me to eat for Sowins with White-wine and Sugar. This serv'd me for Supper, and I was order'd to sleep as soon as I had taken it; he wou'd not leave me that Night, but watch'd me as I slept, and assur'd me in the Morning, that he was wonderfully delighted to hear me break Wind in my Sleep; sometimes with all the force of Rhetorick, sometimes in the Tone of a Grammarian.
When I awoke, I receiv'd a particular Account of what he had done, and thank'd him with all imaginable Expressions of Gratitude. But I was very desirous to know whether the Mules intended to slit my Tongue or not, or if they did, what cou'd be their reason for it; to which I receiv'd this Answer: That I might observe, that in their Language four or more Consonants were often join'd in one Word without a Vowel intervening, and consequently requir'd a greater Volubility of Tongue than other Languages where the Case is otherwise, that Member being chiefly employ'd in the Pronunciation of Consonants; And in order to my more speedy and better learning their Language, it was thought advisable to divide my Tongue, that I might be able to pronounce two Consonants at once, since I had not been accustom'd to it from my Infancy; and that my former Tutor, mistaking my Meaning, (as I had inform'd him) had persuaded some as ignorant as himself to consent to the Proposal.