Alice's Adventures in Cambridge/VI

by Richard Conover Evarts

CHAPTER VI

The Queen's Croquet Party

ALICE walked on until she came to a very curious-looking gateway made of red bricks. Through it she could just catch a glimpse of some buildings which looked like the pictures she had seen of prisons, and a few tall poles which she thought might be gallows. While she was standing in front of the gateway trying to make out what was written over it, the White Rabbit came hur­rying up.

"Come," said the White Rabbit, "get out of my way, or I shall be late for the Queen's croquet party."

"Oh!" cried Alice, "may I go with you?"

The White Rabbit looked at her in sur­prise.

"Of course you may come if you want to," he said.

"Don't I have to have an invitation card?" asked Alice.

"You have to go if you have one," the White Rabbit replied. "But otherwise you can do as you please. Come on."

Alice was very fond of croquet, and as the White Rabbit seemed to expect her to go with him, she followed him through the gate. When they were in the grounds Alice saw that what she had thought were gallows were really trees with their tops sawed off.

"What have they done to the poor trees?" she cried in amazement.

"Those are the famous Harvard elms," replied the White Rabbit. "The Queen lost her temper with them the other day, and or­dered their heads cut off, which accounts for their strange appearance."

"What a terrible person the Queen must be," said Alice. "Oh! and what are those?" she cried, pointing to the prison-like buildings.

"They are the Senior Dormitories," the White Rabbit replied.

"I suppose they are called that because they are older than any others," said Alice. Then a new idea struck her. "I met a dor­mouse to-day," she said. "Do dormice live in dormitories?"

"Rats and mice of all kinds live in these dormitories, they are so old," said the White Rabbit, shaking his head sadly. "But they serve to unite the Class."

"Is the Class so very far apart?" asked Alice.

"Only one yard now," replied the White Rabbit, "but it used to be miles and miles. Wait till you see Conant and Perkins."

Alice was so puzzled by this remark that she was just about to ask the White Rabbit to explain, when she saw a large procession approaching. It was headed by the King and Queen, and after them came the Black Knight and a whole troop of other people whom Alice thought must be courtiers. When the procession came near, the Queen stepped out and looked fiercely at Alice.

"Do you play croquet?" she asked in a harsh voice.

"A little," said Alice; "that is,—"

"You've been cutting," roared the Queen, stamping her foot. "Off with her head!"

"Not yet! Not yet! your Majesty," said the Black Knight. "You forget we haven't begun the game yet."

"Take your places!" shouted the Queen.

Instantly everyone began to rush about in wild confusion. Alice soon found herself with a large fountain-pen for a mallet in her hand, standing in front of a hoop which was evidently meant to be a wicket, though it didn't seem to have any connection with the rest of the hoops which were scattered all over the grass with no attempt at order. As for the ball, it was nowhere to be seen, and Alice was wondering what she ought to do, when the King came up to her with a note­book in his hand.

"Have you gone through this wicket?" he asked.

"No," Alice replied; "I can't find any ball. Won't you please tell me what to do?"

"You have been cutting a little too much lately," remarked the King apologetically. "You ought to stop. That's all. Good morning."

"He must be the Recorder," Alice said to herself as he trotted away. "I suppose the Queen will be here soon and have my head cut off if I don't begin to play."

The game was now at its height, and the Queen was rushing about ordering executions right and left.

"Oh dear! Oh dear!" Alice heard the White Rabbit muttering as he hurried by her on his way to the next wicket. "I almost wish she would take my head off. After that party last night—oh dear! oh dear!"

Just then Alice looked up and saw the Queen standing in front of her.

"What are you doing?" said the Queen in a terrible voice.

"Nothing, your Majesty," Alice began timidly.

"Off with his head!" roared the Queen, pointing to her.

"But it 's not a he," cried the Black Knight, hurrying up. "It's a she."

"It can't be a she," replied the Queen. "This isn't Radcliffe. Off with his head!"

"What is the matter, my dear?" said the King, as he ran up very much out of breath.

"Matter enough!" cried the Queen, point­ing to Alice. "They say I can't take off his head because it's not a he but a she."

"Well," said the King very seriously, "if it's a she, of course you can't take off his head. However, let's see what I can do about it."

Hereupon he took from his pocket a large ball of red tape and began to wind it around Alice. He was so clumsy about it, however, that he managed to get first himself all tangled up in it, and then the Queen, with­out getting Alice in it at all. The Queen did her best to get out, but only succeeded in getting more wound up in it than ever, and finally stood there roaring, "Off with his head!" at the top of her lungs. It was such a funny sight that Alice could hardly keep from bursting out laughing. At last the King and Queen stopped struggling and both looked at Alice severely.

"Don't stand there like an idiot," said the King, very much out of breath. "Do some­thing sensible."

"Recite 'You are old, Father William,' if you can," remarked the Queen.

Alice drew a long breath and began:

"'You are old, Widow Nolen,' the young man said,
"'Yet your mind is as keen as a knife;
"With facts and with figures you've filled up my head.
"Should you do it at your time of life?'

"'In my youth,' said the sage, as he stopped for a drink,
"'I was dull as an elderly cow;
"And repeated each course so often, I think
"That I ought to remember them now.'

"'You are old,' said the youth, 'and you doubtless are rich.
"I suppose you can do as you please;
"But is it because of a miserly itch
"That you charge such exorbitant fees?'

"'I have answered one question,' said Nolen. 'Now come,
"You owe me three dollars or more;
"I don't answer questions for less than that sum.
"Be off, or I'll raise it to four.'"

"Oh dear," said Alice after she had fin­ished, "it doesn't seem quite right some­how."

"It is wrong from beginning to end," re­marked the King.

"Even if I can't have your head off," said the Queen, "I shall put you on probation for reciting such nonsense."

"Don't be ridiculous," said Alice. She was feeling quite bold, as the Queen was helpless in the net of red tape. As she walked away she heard the Black Knight say:

"Well, that 's the first I ever saw the red tape save anyone."