Four Comic Songs/Doctor Monro
For other versions of this work, see Doctor Monro.
Doctor Monro.
'Dear Doctor, be clever, and fling off your beaver,Come, bleed me, and blister me, do not be slow;I'm sick, I'm exhausted, my schemes they are blastedAnd all driven heels-o'er-head, Doctor Monro.''Be patient, dear fellow, you foster your fever;Pray what's the misfortune that bothers you so?''O, doctor! I'm ruin'd! I'm ruin'd for ever!My lass has forsaken me, Doctor Monro.
'I meant to have married, and tasted the pleasures,The sweets, the enjoyments, from wedlock that flow;But she's ta'en another, and broken my measures.And fairly confounded me, Doctor Monro.''I'll bleed and I'll blister you, over and over!I'll master your malady ere that I go;But rise up your head from below the bed-cover,And give some attention to Doctor Monro.
'If Chirsty had wed you, she would have misled you,And laugh'd at your love with some handsome young beau: Her conduct will prove it; hut how would you love it?''I soon would have lam'd her, dear Doctor Monro.'Each year brings a pretty young son or a daughter;Perhaps you're the father, but how shall you know?You hug them—her gallant is bursting with laughter'—'That thought's like to murder me, Doctor Monro.'
'The boys cost you many a penny and shilling;You bred them with pleasure, with trouble and wo'But one turns a rake, another a villian.'—'My heart could not bear it, dear Doctor Monro.'The lasses are comely and dear to your bosom;But virtue and beauty has many a foe!O! think what may happen; just nipt in their blossom'Ah, merciful heaveny! cease, Doctor Monro.
'Dear Doctor, I'll thank you to hand me my breeches;I'm better; I'll drink with you ere that you go:I'll never more sicken for woman or riches,But love my relations and Doctor Monro.I plainly perceive, were I wedded to Christy,My peace and my pleasures I needs must forego.'He still lives a bachelor: drinks when he's thirsty;And sings like a lark and loves Doctor Monro.
FINIS.