Lapsus Calami (Aug 1891)/To Mrs B.

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To B. H. H.

Lapsus Calami
by James Kenneth Stephen

To Mrs B.

A Parodist's Apology

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First published in the "Rescued from the Waste Paper Basket" section of the third edition of Lapsus Calami

1990843Lapsus Calami — To Mrs B.James Kenneth Stephen

To Mrs B.

The sumptuous board of you know whoWas rich with unaccustomed splendour:The host, a gallant man and true,Beamed like a newly polished fender:And more than one important guestWith visible delight was swelling:But that which I remember bestIs just a phrase:—"How's Helen?"

I sat, a melancholy man,Beside a newly-married lady,And wondered how, if I began,To shun the trivial, dull and shady;When through the dinner-din I caughtA question I remember well, inMy hours of retrospective thought:My neighbour said:—"How's Helen?"

I do not know how Helen was:—She's almost always doing fairly—:Nor do I greatly care, becauseThe question, which was asked so squarely,Produced an excellent effectBoth then and since: it's truth I'm telling;And that is why I recollectThe simple phrase: "How's Helen?"